how to drive guitar teacher crazy?

I’m planning a practical joke on a guitar instructor. The plan is to show up and tell him that I am a total newbie in the guitar, but I need to learn how to play “a song” in a week. But I need a song guaranteed to be impossible to learn in a week no matter what.

The plan is to tell him that I have to do it for work event, so it “has” to get done thereby making him vacillate between his need to do his job and the fact that the task is impossible.

So what song should I ask about? Has to be relatively well known (so nothing obscure). Something that a regular joe off the street might ask to learn to play and honestly (if mistakenly) think they could learn despite no experience.


What’s the punchline of the joke going to be? That you can play it already?

I doubt any one that has NO guitar experience could learn to play even a moderately difficult song smoothly in a week. I started at a fairly old age and it took me weeks and weeks to learn to transition from one easy chord to another without flubs.

ETA: I’n not saying there aren’t prodigies out there that could do it but it takes a while for just the physical aspect of being able to hold chords.

Tell him you want to learn “Eruption.”

I’d say a basic version of Dust In The Wind by Kansas. It sounds easy, but if you play guitar (and I assume you do), you’ll know that if you’ve never touched a guitar, you’re not going to be playing it (or anything else recognizable) in a week.

This seems a bit weird. Do you know the teacher? If so, doesn’t he know you play? If not, you’re pulling this on a complete stranger?

ETA: How about playing a hunk of Layla?

He could open his guitar case, and pull out a video game guitar controller.

I was wondering about the questions Mean Mr. Mustard has as well.

Me three - as a sometime instructor, I am not sure I would want to be punk’d this way…

Having said that - if you’re gonna go, go big: Tell him a team of yours at work are expected to put on a skit in front of a few hundred other managers - in ONE WEEK - and that you all decided to act out Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody with the words changed so it is about getting a presentation ready: “PowerPoint! PowerPoint! Can you format that outline!” and other cheesy new words like that…

…and the only accompaniment will be YOU on guitar.

Knock yourself out.

Seconding Bohemian Rhapsody.

You could also try Stairway to Heaven for sheer absurdity - forget complexity, the damn thing’s so long that no newbie would have the endurance in their fingers to get all the way through.

I’ve never seen it played live outside of Rock Band, but just listening to recordings and watching legions of people fail miserably at it on the above videogame, I’m making the guess that Green Grass and High Tides might be a bitch and a half as well.

Free Bird :smiley:

You’re doing a benefit for a halfway house and you need to learn"Needle and the Damage Done." It’s a believable song, one that a newb might think achievable. Or maybe “Roundabout.”

Mediterranean Sundance (or anything else by Al Di Meola).

Don’t fear the Reaper, including solo- and cowbell. Could bring along a friend, and explain to the teacher that he also needs to teach him to play cowbell, just for added fun and antics. More Cowbell.

Have your friend be really rhythmically challenged and the whitest guy you know… have him repeat, I need you to go slow because I have never played the cowbell, I am new to the cowbell.

Smoke on the Water, any body with two minutes can learn the intro but the song just gets more complicated. Maybe you can tell him you already know the first bit so the rest should be easy! P

Smoke on the Water as performed by a German Youth Orchestra.

The joke is I want to see him sweat a bit. He’s a friend of my kid’s piano instructor and I’m trying to punk him a bit (with her encouragement).

I am actually going in for lessons (figure I was waiting at the place while my kid was there so I might as well cross one of my “to do” items off my list - learn guitar - while I was there).

Figure if I play it right he’ll actually believe I’m serious and start trying to dissuade me at which point I’ll just tell him I’m kidding.

Basically I’m just being annoying a bit. According to my kid’s instructor this guy has had a few kids come in with somewhat unrealistic expectations on how fast they’d be able to learn. So playing along with that.
Wordman - nice concept. I like it. Figure I’ll go with a similar scenario.

Or you could make steady progress over a couple of months and then tell him what you really want to do is impersonate what Billie Holliday would sound like singing commercial jingles…

(David Sedaris reference, for those who don’t get it at first.)

That’s no prank. You’re missing parts two and three. What you’ve planned is on par with, “I made you a sandwich. I bet you’re hungry. Just kidding, I didn’t make a sandwich.”

I think a lot of us assumed the reveal was going to be your miraculously perfect execution of the song at some point – which wouldn’t be grand, but it’d be something. I could see that on Candid Camera.

I didn’t mean to sound so blunt, but I think you’ll be disappointed with the result when it falls flat. You’ll lay out your scripted spiel about how you need him to teach you to play “La Grange” in a week, and he’ll be professional and give you realistic expectations.

Hows about a little Malaguena? That ought be a piece of cake with a week’s practice! (Snerk)