Good list! I’m printing it out! Although I do think that in smaller groups (ie, 2 or 3 people) it’s ok to do the “ok, you owe x amount and you owe x amount,” as long as it’s one person doing the figuring so you actually end up with the right amount.
I go out relatively often (ie, once a week-ish, maybe a bit more) with a few friends, a crew of 3-7 people. I often pay on my credit card and just take cash from other people, at least one of which probably doesn’t have any. I don’t mind. I know over the course of the year I will have spent a few hundred dollars paying for other people’s food, but I just got tired of having to figure everything out to the dollar. Plus, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t feel good about paying for other people. I can afford it, so it gives me pleasure. And, on occasions when someone else has a bit of extra cash to spare, they treat me.
I stopped eating out with one friend who always insisted in figuring the bill, and every time we’d come out under. Guess who had to cough up the extra 7 dollars or whatever every time? Me! It’s Daowajan’s scenario. “Well, I don’t know how we came up short. I put in my share.” Aaarrgghhh! After many many scenarios like that I just stopped eating out with her, or at least only did it when I felt in the mood to pay for the food of someone who chronically and I can only assume intentionally didn’t pay her portion of the bill.
Ridiculous. Why don’t you and the rest of the plebs get together and suggest a more appropriate restaurant next time? If the bosses won’t go for that, suggest that they pick up the tab for everyone.
I live in the South. We get separate checks. If not, then we make sure on whether or not it can be split up at the register. If it’s a place where the server takes the money, then each person is responsible for remembering the cost of their meal and beverage, plus add in the tip. Actually most places that I’ve been, prefer to give separate tickets, they get more in the tips that way. And it’s not such a big deal because the establishment allows for that particular server to take care of a large party, usually having some of the other servers to pick up some of his/her tables so that the server can take care of the large party. We especially do this if it is co-workers at lunch. No one expects anyone else to pay more than their fair share.
It’s not like we’ll get fired or anything, it’s more of an “unspoken rule.” You go. It’s not fair and it’s not nice, but it’s the way it is.
Kam,
The birthday people pick the resteraunt. The people that make the money always pick the hoity toity one. When it’s my birthday or someone on my side of the payscales birthday, we pick the cheaper one for the sake of our less financially secure coworkers.
And yes, I suppose I could throw a hissy and refuse to go, but I DO have to work with these people, if I like them or not. We have enough inter-office wars without my making an unnecessary one.
By the way, those “few bucks” (it’s usually a difference of about $15) are enough to keep me from being able to eat out or go out the rest of the week (usually consists of Taco Bell) or buy my morning coffee (when I make it myself it never quite tastes the same) so while it doesn’t matter to you, or someone that has a few bucks to spare, it matters to me. It’s all relative.
Thank you for proving my point about the people having the money that don’t think it’s a big deal.
It’s not like people need to jump on the table screaming “but I only had a salad!” to pay for their own meal, quit being so dramatic.
All people need to do is pass around the check QUIETLY and place on to the center of the table what YOU owe plus tip. The conversation that was taking place doesn’t even have to stop! Then count it up. If everyone is honest, you should be fine. No ones entire meal has to be ruined, as you put it.
shrug Always works for me.
Side note: and please refrain from shouting “I’m paying for so and so!” when you’re being “generous” and spotting someone. That only makes the person feel worse. Happened to a coworker of mine, I felt like slinking under the table with her…
Generally, when I eat out with people, we pass the check around and, since the items are itemized, all pay for what we owe. Then, one of my friends, who’s a waiter himself, usually adds more to the tip. Occassionally, I put it all on my credit card, and they pay me. It’s all done politely, doesn’t ruin the meal or anything.
My friends and I would definitely never just divide up a check evenly. I know for a fact that one friend purposely orders what she does because she doesn’t have much discretionary income and we want her to come to dinner anyway. Imagine that. As has been said, we pass an itemized check around and contribute our share based on what was actually ordered, no fuss. I often charge it and collect cash but I tip according to my standards on the credit card receipt so it doesn’t necessarily equal the cash I collected.
But I think it is perfectly fine for everyone to pay for what they ordered, plus tax and tip, only.
I have been on the receiving end of Cerowyn’s restaurant generosity, and I thank him. I have also benefitted from Manhattan’s generosity. Wonderful men, both of you.
I have found that one good way to NOT make the check a hassle, but prevent anyone from having their tight budget screwed, is to have a person or two keep an eye on things. I don’t obsessively keep count of what people order, but if someone has a light meal and doesn’t share the wine, it’s not hard to notice. Then, when the bill comes, I say “Oh no, Bluto, don’t you put in a full share–it was we who drank all the wine!” That gets Bluto off the hook without forcing him bring it up himself.
I often dine out with at least one friend for whom I know the meal is a special treat. Would I rather they stay home rather than risk being fucked by the table’s penchant for shrimp appetizers and Tanquery & Tonics? Nope. So it behooves me to not put them in the uncomfortable position of paying too much or looking like a cheapass.
On this note: I can never forget going to Mardi Gras with a bunch of my business school friends. They were all looking forward to their huge signing bonuses, and were living high off the hog on their loans and previous earnings. Then there’s me and my roommate. I’m in education, she’s in social work. We’re both scraping by with more grad school ahead of us, and went to Mardi Gras with them as a special treat. When it came time to pick a restaurant one night, we vetoed one choice as being a little out of our price range. I mean, there’s a shitload of restaurants and oyster bars all over the city, we could have easily chosen one less expensive. One of the guys sneered “You knew we were coming down here, why didn’t you BUDGET some more money so we could eat nice?”
Now, fastforward a few months. This same friend is coming back from a post-graduation jaunt in Central America. He stays at our place for a night before heading home to Chicago, and we talk about going out somewhere. No, he says. He’s blown all his money; can’t we just eat at home (you know, using our groceries?) I had to laugh, but I really wanted to say, “Gee Mike, you KNEW you would be spending the night with us, why didn’t you BUDGET for a dinner out…” How quickly one’s song changes when the wallet is lighter.
Put it this way: your party is just finishing a meal out. You’ve laughed, talked, and joked, and had a wonderful time. You’re at a excellent restaurant - and you’re feeling great about yourself because you resisted temptation, stuck with your diet and just had an delicious salad, water, and coffee - and not given in to the sauce drenched entrees, cocktails, and over-rich deserts that you used to have at a meal like this.
Then a member of the party gets the check, says chirpily “hmm, divided by 7, that’ll be $42 each. Pay up, everyone!”
That destroys the evening. Whether or not you have the money on you (or at all) - it instantly spoils the night. And it seems much more rude for those people who did have the huge meal to expect someone else to pay for their food than for someone to pay for what she ordered and ate.
I don’t really care either way…split it evenly or pay for what you owe. One group I eat out with a lot just splits it evenly, which I agree is MUCH easier. We’ve all had the alcohol, appetizers and generally close in price entrees. No big whoop, and I do find it to be more enjoyable because we waste less time dealing with it.
Another group I eat with has one woman who insists on adding up each beer or glass of wine, dividing up the cost of appetizer and tax and assigning entree prices to each person. She will ALWAYS quibble over anything more than $1. With this group, we always come up short at least for the tip and often for the whole bill. It’s a giant PITA. If we didn’t have this one woman, I think we wouldn’t have any trouble. I would understand if she had the soup and I had the lobster, but that is not the case. We go to pretty inexpensive places, like Chili’s, and the dinner prices are not that divergent.
Hmm…guess I DO care a bit. Just split the darn thing and be done with it!
I’m with ultress about the separate checks. Okay, not for a huge party, but if you go out with a few other people and tell the waitress in advance that you want separate checks, I don’t see why it’s a big deal. I’m usually not a customer service freak; I always tip well, and try not to be too demanding, but it really annoys me when restaurants refuse to give separate checks. Yes, it may be a little more work for them, but I’m the one giving them my patronage.
Cranky had it spot on. If someone in the group had a substantially cheaper meal than the rest, another person in the group should point it out for them. My friends and I usually just split evenly, but in this situation, we would say “Ok it’s $35 each, but Cranky wasn’t drinking the wine, so she only pays $25, the rest of us chip in an extra buck or two to cover.”
2 or maybe even 3 seperate checks is fine, but PLEASE tell me you don’t think 5 or 6 seperate checks is a perfectly reasonable request to make, if so please go back and re-read whoever made that very descriptive and well put post about it from the server and kitchen’s POV.
I’d say ask if the server will do it beforehand, if they won’t, there’s probably a reason. Their computer system may not allow it, it may just be the middle of the lunch/dinner rush or a number of other reasons. I doubt they refuse just to annoy you.
And as I said before, ask BEFORE you order, none of that “oh! can we have seperate checks?” as she/he puts the check on the table bullshit…
You’d think that I was overstating the problem, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately, I am not. In the case of one couple, the lady did indeed go on a five minute harangue about how they were on a budget, they didn’t drink and how unfair it was that they should subsidise everyone else’s meal. So we calculated everyone’s meal individually. Their cost, splitting the bill evenly: $85. Their cost, calculating everyone’s bill individually: $72. That $13 (between two people) did indeed buy a spoiled night and bad feelings for everyone involved. They thought it was worth it. I did not.
Obviously, everyone is not like this. In most cases in my experience if someone objected to splitting the bill evenly, they’ve done so in a polite and reasonable manner. I’m just saying that in my opinion things are ever so much nicer all around if we just take the easy route and split the bill evenly. In my experience the difference is not worth calculating. (Why, yes, I do own a gold-plated Cadillac and wipe my ass with Benjamins. How did you guess? :rolleyes: )
To amarinth and others bringing up the case of someone spending substantially less than their compatriots and politely suggesting that they not evenly split the bill, I’d have to say that you have an excellent point. Thankfully for the sanity of all involved, nobody in my current group is in that situation. We’re a bunch of loutish gluttons.
Of course you frugal diners shouldn’t be forced to subsidise those of us living high on the hog. Lord knows we’re already taking criminal advantage of you, making you work for slave wages in our mills and sweatshops. Mwahahahaha!!!
I’m also of the split-the-check-by-what’s-ordered school. I very rarely eat more than average, and very often eat much less than average. I’m a small guy, and I don’t drink any alcohol if I’m gonna be driving, and I’m usually driving.
When someone says it’s worth it to them to just split the bill evenly so that the evening’s not ruined, and it generally works out in their advantage to split the bill evenly, what I hear is: “Getting a free $10 doesn’t make my evening any worse.”
Of course, since I want the bill split according to what’s ordered, I figure it out myself, and I figure high for my own share by a couple of dollars. I often get dirty looks from other people, because they don’t understand that tax & tip = 25% where we live (I make people tip high if I’m gonna figure out the bill).
But if they don’t want to figure the bill out, then they can always offer to pick the bill up. Or they can throw in a good $5 or $10 more than their share could possibly be, and say that any extra goes for a tip.
Asking me to subsidize their good times is a big no-no.
I can’t speak for anybody else here, But I find it incredibly rude for someone to go around the table and tells me "You had X and Y and 4 Zs, you owe 42.75 ". It does ruin my evening when someone proactively announces I’m cheap, and announces to the world that they must watch how much I’ll pay, cause I might not take care of my share. I damn well know how much I owe. Trust me to take care of my share, or forget about ever eating together again, cause I have lots of great friendships with assloads of trust, and if you think I’m gonna screw you out of a tip then I don’t need you. There should not be anybody telling anybody else how much they owe, and there should not need to be anybody splitting it evenly. Everybody just throw in what you owe, nice, simple, and quick.
Yes, if everyone has ordered food and drinks that are approximately the same, splitting things evenly is the way to go. It’s far easier and causes less heartburn all the way round. However, since I’m a non-drinker, my share of the bill is very likely to be substantially less than the rest of the group. What I usually do is grab the check, figure out what I owe and pass it to the next person. I always tip generously, because I have sympathy for the server of a large group, and also because too many people underestimate the tip. I’ve on many occasions thrown in a few bucks more than what I owed so the waitperson didn’t get stiffed.
I don’t think it’s at all fair to say that anyone who is on a limited budget should have to forgo the pleasure of an evening out with friends. If they’re truly friends, they should be able to understand when one person can’t afford to splurge. Sure, po’ folks shouldn’t be going out all the time, but come on. Either pick a cheaper place, or allow the person on a budget to order something cheap and only pay for that. Or if you’re really good pals, let them order what they want and subsidize them.
Yeah, if you don’t have to worry about what you can go without that week to make up for paying for food or drink that you didn’t order, nor eat.
I’m not saying you’re a billionaire, but it sounds as if you have an income that allows you to live comforatably and have a little extra cash for these situations. Good for you, hopefully I’ll be there someday too. Others, such as myself, do not have it like that. So don’t make it harder on us in order to make it easier on you.
Make it easier on the person it’s going to affect the most. In this case, the person who doesn’t have the extra cash to burn however little to you that amount may be.
Allow me to ask a related question on social etiquette.
You’ve got 8 people in your group, one check. One person wants to pay by credit card so pass your cash on down and he’ll take care of the whole bill.
Now you’ve decided to pay 20, 25, 30% as a tip. But that doesn’t matter now, does it? Because here’s how the guy with the credit card sees the problem: “I have $128 in my hand and the bill was $130. Well gollie, looks like my meal’s mostly taken care of. Throw in 15% for tip and we’re out of here.”
But the guy with the credit card isn’t just stealing from me, he’s stealing from the waitstaff. Those one or two dollars mean a huge difference.
So now what do you do? 1) Announce “hey, I paid for my dinner with a 25% tip.” Well loooooordy look who thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips.
2) Glance down at the CC receipt and make sure he put enough on to begin with?
3) Try to figure out what everyone tipped and work it out from there? Wow, that’s a kill joy and a complete hassle.
It’s not one particular person either. The person who wants to pay by CC gets to decide what the table’s tip is. Once you pass your money over, it’s no longer “your” tip, is it?
