It makes your shit GLOW! Doesn’t smell any better though. You have to be really really rich to have shit that doesn’t stink.
But you left out the punchline!
Mary Steenburgen: “It’s an electric ear-cleaner.”
Daughter: “It’s kinda big.”
Grandma: “It sure was!”
When I was a little kid just learning how to sound out words, I saw the word “SEX” on a risqué greeting card in the grocery store, and asked my mom what it meant.
She told me it was Latin for “six.”
Kinky.
Really kinky.
Ah, thank you Lynn. I just about cried looking at that pic. As the youngest of six (with two girls) I thought my sisters had the worst garter belts on the planet, but it turns out they were just bleeding to death in shifts.
(Sniff, sniff)
It’s not awkward, but the OP reminds me of my mother’s story of asking her father what “pedestrians” were. Without missing a beat, he replied, “People from Pedestria”.
Later on, she volunteered that answer in response to her teacher’s question in class. The response from the teacher was not positive.
Maybe it was awkward after all…
When my dad was a tour guide on the Red Buses in Glacier Park in the '50s, an elderly woman was taking copious notes in a notebook. She asked him about a red bird on the shoulder of the highway, “What kind of a bird is that?” He told her it was a Nearoada. She dutifully wrote it down. He didn’t know when the penny dropped, but as she exited the bus at the end of the tour, she smacked him in the head with her notebook.
Penny isn’t dropping here.
“Near-road-uh”?
When my daughter was about 6-7, she had been reading something, pointed at a word and asked me what it meant.
O-R-G-A-S-M
Yeah, we let her read pretty much whatever she picked up, this was in one of her mom’s magazines.
Anyway, I explained how when we’re in the car, and driving fast over a hill and we start going down over the hill, and how your stomach goes all jibbity? That’s an orgasm.
A year or so later, we’re at the Six Flags, and in line for some roller coaster when she announces to everyone in sight that she can’t wait to have that orgasm, and don’t you guys have one too, and isn’t that cool?
She got straight answers after that.
Quoth BigT:
I agree with this. You don’t necessarily have to give a complete answer, but you should at least give a correct answer. When the kid finds a vibrator in your bedroom, you can lead off with “Oh, that’s Mommy’s”. If he presses further, “Grown-ups play with those sometimes, but they’re not for kids.”. If he still presses for more information after that, then you can start with the whole Birds and Bees thing.
Of course, if it’s not your child, then “That’s the kind of question you should ask your parents” works, too (so long as you know that the parents will give a straight answer).
Don’t mean to “me too” here but day-umm that was funny.
Me, too.
Er, “nor I”.
Yeah, a “near road - ah” I’m not saying it was the funniest thing ever, but he was (and is) known for just making something up in jest if he didn’t/doesn’t know the answer. After seeing the University of Minnesota mascot, he told my sister the team was the Chipmunks, and that “Alvin and the Chipmunks” came from Minnesota. (The team is actually the Golden Gophers.)
Life with Dad is an ongoing game of “Bullshit Or Not?”
Christ, I wish I could slap him.
No, no, no. It makes you shit metal lumps, that’s what it does. Metal lumps that clang against the toilet bottom when they hit it.
I think that the only thing I hate worse than a barium enema is drinking the barium solution beforehand. My body recognizes that this stuff is poisonous and dangerous and should not be taken internally, and makes every effort to get this message through to my brain.
I am delighted to provide you with the Straight Dope on this subject.
However, don’t expect me to explain the rest of the Secrets of Womanhood to you. You’re just going to have to explore the Museum of Menstruation for yourself.
This deserves some sort of insightful and witty comment, but I can’t think of anything other than :eek:. Maybe when I stop laughing.
How tall is she now?
Well, for the most part I agree with you.
However… when a 6 year old reads a sign on a shop as you’re driving past, and asks what an “Adult Toy Store is”… one must weigh the benefits of a truthful answer, versus the child’s level of understanding and whether he even has sufficient background knowledge to comprehend anything like a truthful answer. Sort of like explaining high-speed internet to someone who’s never seen electricity in use. (I’ve told the “adult toy store” tale here before and yeah, I lied like a rug - told him it was a place that sold grownup “toys” like VCRs etc.).
Depending on the age of littlestbro, I suspect a truthful answer is appropriate. If littlestbro has no clue about reproduction, of course, it may be tricky to put it in terms he’d understand, without spending hours on the subject.
Our Moon Unit, at age 8ish, got a factual answer when she asked her father “what’s a lesbian”.
My brother was only about 6yrs old when he overheard a story on the local news that used the word “porn.”
He asked our mother what porn was. She told him, “It’s corn spelled with a P.”
He accepted the answer and went on his merry way. She still can’t believe he bought that answer.
Some things kids can find out just fine by themselves.