How to handle a surprise party with 2 'circles' of friends

OK here’s the situation, person A has a long standing circle of friends (circle 1). A few years ago person A joined a club and now has a newer circle of friends (circle 2), and just recently have brought a few people from circle 1 to join the club and become part of circle 2.

The club (circle 2) wants to have a surprise party for person A, and is running a event which this person will attend. Some of the people of circle 1 may attend, but they are more likely to attend if they know about the party. I don’t know if I should let them know until after they RSVP for the event, as I think that if I just let those people know they may let the cat out of the bag, so to speak and it will get back to person A.
I really don’t know much about these ‘new to circle 2 - but long term circle 1’ people.

I am asking advice on how ot handle this.

I’m not understanding the problem here: Tell them about the event and tell them it’s a surprise for the honoree. Why are these people any more likely to blab about a surprise than any other random group of people?

In my experience, sending invitations that are clearly marked “IT’S A SURPRISE!” leave less room for screw-ups and blabs.

I agree - unless you’ve noticed a particular habit among the second circle group of not keeping secrets or something - it’s just a matter of trusting that they are normal average people who understand the concept of ‘SURPRISE!!’.

If you really are worried however, could you contact just one member of the second group, maybe someone you’ve spoken to a little before?

You could then ask THAT person if they think the group would keep the secret, or ask them to be the one to tell their friends to remember it’s a surprise - that’s if you think they’re more likely to take it seriously coming from ‘one of their own’ so to speak.

I still wonder if there is any real reason to worry, though.

Boy, I’m missing something here.

[QUOTE=kanicbird]
Some of the people of circle 1 may attend, but they are more likely to attend if they know about the party.

[quote]

More likely to attend? How can someone attend at all if they don’t know about the party?

Don’t let them know what? That there’s a party to come to? How can they RSVP if they don’t even know? That it’s a surprise? The surest way to make certain it’s not a surprise is to omit that critical detail in the invitation. And the cat can be let out of the bag after RSVP’s are received just as easily as before. This sentence is making absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

Some clarity here would be helpful.

Let’s try that again with proper coding: :o

Boy, I’m missing something here.

More likely to attend? How can someone attend at all if they don’t know about the party?

Don’t let them know what? That there’s a party to come to? How can they RSVP if they don’t even know? That it’s a surprise? The surest way to make certain it’s not a surprise is to omit that critical detail in the invitation. And the cat can be let out of the bag after RSVP’s are received just as easily as before. This sentence is making absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

Some clarity here would be helpful.

Naturally, just after I express my confusion, it comes to me. The surprise party is within the event. So presumably Group 2 people know that it’s an event cum surprise party, and Group 1 people only know it’s an event, which few of them would normally attend.

Even if you wait until after people RSVP to let Group 1-ers know about the surprise, I expect the word will get around Group 1. I would also expect that when they hear about it, more Group 1 people will plan to attend. If it’s too late because there’s a deadline to RSVP, they will likely be upset that they didn’t get prior notice about the surprise.

Most people are pretty good about keeping this kind of secret, or trying to. Usually it’s carelessness that spoils a surprise. Once I was at my mother-in-law’s house and saw that she had stuck an invitation on her refrigerator, like she always does. It was an invitation to my surprise 40th birthday party. And I’ve seen many a surprise given away by the honoree seeing familiar cars parked on the block when approaching the house where the party is being held.

In this case, I see two main concerns. Group 1-ers are likely to talk among themselves about the surprise, and may unwittingly reveal it to A (e.g., not knowing A is within earshot). And even if they’re careful about that, they may mention that they’re going to the event, and A may notice that a lot of Group 1-ers are going to something they wouldn’t normally go to. That’s enough of a clue for some people to get suspicious and figure it out.

Solution: firmly (but nicely, of course) advise Group 1 of how easy it is to give away the surprise. They should not discuss the surprise unless they’re ABSOLUTELY sure that A can’t somehow overhear. They shouldn’t mention it to young children or common acquaintances who might unwittingly reveal it. And the ones who normally would not attend the event should keep mum about attending it, lest A put two and two together. If A can clearly see the cars parked for the event, Group 1-ers should park elsewhere or arrive after A does. Oh yes, and they shouldn’t have it written on a calendar or refrigerator that A might see. :smack:

Yes

It’s the first concern, the grape vine effect.

But after reading the replies here I think I have to let them know and trust that they won’t spoil it.

Thanks