How to handle this situation? (Racism?)

In My Humble Opinion
1

First off, the background:

I work at a consignment shop. By appointment, clients come in with a certain amount of items, one of us goes through the items to determine what we will take and what we won’t take. Our rules are quite clear: No rips, tears, stains, should be freshly laundered, and we are allowed to reject any item for any reason, be it a style that doesn’t sell, we already have too many of those items in stock, etc. We are very particular about what we take, as we are “quality consignment” as opposed to simply a second hand shop.

I went through one lady’s consignment today, and did my usual. I was cheerful with her, apologised when I got sidetracked (customers come first, consigners second, phone third) and explained why, then got back to her consignment. As I’d recognised her and her mother as regular customers, I mistakenly thought she already had an account with us, and quickly explained (cheerfully!) that this was my “yes” pile, and handed her back the “no” pile with the regular explanation of: “These were just the stained items, and that kind of thing,” that I say to all of our regulars. I went to hand her the smaller form for regular clients when she spoke up and told me she didn’t have an account, so I got her the bigger form and asked her to fill it out, and I’d make her a copy etc. All went well, she got her copy and went on her way, her mother purchased a few items, and off they all went.

An hour later, her mother comes back.

Now, if it makes a lick of difference, here is how it lays out: Her mother is white. She is African American. I am white.

Her mother came to me with tears in her eyes and her bag of “no” items in her hand, saying that her daughter was at home crying because she believed I rejected her items because of the colour of her skin. This shocked the hell out of me. My manager was standing beside me and came immediately to my defense, and we sorted through the bag together, showing her exactly why the items were rejected. The mother dried her eyes a bit and scolded me, telling me I should be far more sensitive to people of other races, since I couldn’t possibly know what it was like, because I was white. I told her I was sorry that her daughter felt that I rejected her items based on the colour of her skin, but that it simply wasn’t true. I would have gone out an apologised to her face if she had been there, but she wasn’t.

I am shaken. What the hell? There is that part of me that felt awful that she should feel that way, and I wonder if I should find her number tomorrow and give her a call, and explain to her who I am, that this is not a business call, this is from me to her, and tell her that that’s not who I am. Would that be too much? Should I truly be more sensitive to people of other races, and not treat them the way I treat everyone else, just because of the colour of their skin? Because we have so many people of all shapes, sizes, colours, and faiths who come to our store, and I reject and accept the same - it’s not about colour, it’s about the quality of the goods you bring me. Had I been an African American woman, would this lady have brought the clothes back to me in tears? Or was it just because of the colour of my skin?

How should I handle this, Dopers? I’ve never been in this situation before. :frowning:

2

Apologizing is just an admission of guilt. Right kind of people don’t want apologies, wrong kind take a mean advantage of them and all that.

Anyway, when you went through the bag and showed her exactly why you rejected the items, that’s all you had to do. Sounds like she’s just trying to play her race card. Don’t encourage that by apologizing.

3

You rejected the items for a perfectly sound reason, and she goes and makes you feel like crap by claiming that you’re racist. Exactly what do you have to apologize for?

4

I agree with Rigamarole, you were doing your job the way you always do no apology is necessary, besides you explained it to her mother.

5

I would also say that last thing I would want to do is insult someone deliberately or even inadvertently. Can you explain why she felt that way? I don’t understand and do not want to accidently give that impression to someone else.

6

I was slightly involved in two ‘racial discrimination’ cases, as a bystander, both had absolutely no factual basis, in fact in both cases the claims were pure malice.

As a result, I came to the conclusion that a very small number of people play ‘the race card’.

I think that you should talk this over carefully with your manager, you have been slandered by two people - obviously both mother and daughter are fruitcakes so pursuing them is pointless - but your manager probably has a lot more experience at spotting nutters.

7

We have a very stoic older gentleman that comes in. He wears a gilligany style hat and he is in the category of “customers I like.” One day he was walking through the room and had something under his shirt. It looked like the handle of a pistol held in a belt holster. Guns are not allowed as I work in a place of nuisance, I asked him if he forgot to take his pistol off and he said it was a case for glasses. I said, oh ok, I didn’t want you to get in trouble. Trust me, if it was a gun, he would have been in trouble.

Now, I’m a member of the NRA, my husband is a gun nut. I did not assume this guy was some kind of crook or thug or anything. Evidently, he went home and thought about it and assumed I thought he had a gun because he’s black. Huh? Um…uhh…WHAT? When my manager dragged me in and told me I felt like utter hell. Because I made HIM feel bad. Well, the customer didn’t come in for a while and when he did, he was pretty rude to me and I took it, while feeling like complete shit. I finally said something to him about it and apologized that he took it that way and that he could not have been any more wrong of my intentions. Yes, there were tears in my eyes as I said it.

He’s nice to me now.

Question: what sizes were the clothes? I’ve never had stuff rejected, but then again, I don’t bring in stained/broken stuff. She might have needed the money and having stuff rejected may have tweaked her a bit more than usual. Even so, pulling the race card is a cheap shot when you know damn good and well that there are valid reasons for what the employee is doing.

If it is any consolation, in my place of work, if you are white you are descriminated against. Asian is the race to be where I work. You can get schedule changes, time off, vacations, whatever you want. Once you get over your horror, understand it’s the price of doing business, you have to open your doors to everyone.

FWIW, I think it’s tacky to have the mom come back.

8

It sounds to me like she judged you on the color of your skin to be unsympathetic and unprofessional. Hmm…don’t we have a word for that kind of snap judgment based on skin color?

9

I just have a couple of questions that I’m curious about.

You definitely sound like you’re part of an upper-end consignment shop if such a thing exists. Why do consigners have to fill out a form? And- you have a long form and a short form? Do you pay them for the clothes they bring in or is it for their tax filing documents?

Also as for the clothes that you reject -for whatever reason- couldn’t you all take them and then have Good Will or some other similar organization pick them up? Granted it’s not your job but I would feel pretty crummy if I was trying to do good in bringing in clothes I could no longer use, that seemed adequately wear-able for someone else but that they didn’t make the cut at the local used-clothing store.

I hope this doesn’t come off as offensive; I’m really genuinely curious as to how things work.

As to your specific situation, I (think) I can see how someone’s feelings might be hurt by all this (actually I don’t think I can) but to assume that it must be a racial thing is nuts-o.

10

The consigners are bringing clothing in to be sold, the proceeds to be split with the store. This is not a situation where items are donated to charity; rather, it is a profit making venture for both consigners and the shop.

The rejected items still belong to the consigner.

This is just stupid. Did you not *accept *some of her things as well? How does she account for that? She is way too sensitive.

11

Yeah, but how do you deal with this sort of situation? Any defense would simply be treated as an attack by the oversensitive. It looks like boot-licking subservience is the only safe way to deal with it.

12

“You patronizing white son of a bitch! You mean you accepted SOME items because you felt sorry for my daughter, being a foolish dumb Negro, while rejecting others out of vicious racial malice? You low-down cracker motherfucker!”

Like that?

13

I don’t think I would have handled this as well as you. Being accused of racism in our society is about one step above being accused of child abuse. I would have vehemently denied any accusation and would have expected (though would not have asked for) an apology from her.

14

Our clients need to fill out a sheet so we can put the sheet with their items to be input into our database - so we know who to pay at the end of the consignment period. The short form is simply their name and number, and a signature authorizing us to sell their clothes for them. The long form is what you give a new consigner, which has them fill out their name, address, and other vital information about the client - again, so we know where to send the checks if they choose to cash out instead of using in-store credit. (Our rates are pretty good, too: 50% in-store credit, 40% cash out).

We are a small business, and we don’t have room to store goods for donation. We do, however, pull all expired goods, which people have the option of coming back and getting when their consignment period has ended; however, if they choose to leave it, we pull it and send it all to donation to make room for new goods. People can get tax forms for that, if they like, as well.

No offence taken; besides, I’m just a drone, I don’t make the rules.

We get a lot of people of all colours who come in and try to break the rules and stamp and stomp their feet when we don’t take what they think we’re “supposed” to take. We have a reputation for selling quality goods at reasonable prices, and we don’t take junk. Our customers greatly appreciate that, and that’s who we aim to please first and foremost. We have over 5000 consigners, and about ten complainers, so I think we’re doing alright. :wink:

Anyway, I’ve had my job skills questioned by many consigners, with pretty zany reasons attached, however; it’s my name that goes in that bag with the consigner. When I take a consignment, my ass is on the line to be sure I am taking a certain standard. My manager and boss are both pleased with my work. You can’t please everybody, but I’ll start with customers and my own higher ups. But this is the first time anyone has ever used race as a reason. It confused the hell out of me, and I was thrown for a loop.

Oh, and Auntbeast, we accept only baby and maternity clothes. It’s a shop for moms and their children. It’s really a great way to recycle children’s clothes, since they grow so fast: drop off great quality baby clothes, get some in-store credit (after items sell, you get 60 days on the floor, possible re-consignment if you wish and it is still in-season), come back and shop for the next size up with your credit, lather, rinse, repeat. Since our customers don’t buy stained clothes, we don’t accept stained clothes. It’s a very simple system that is awesome. We just had our first million-dollar year, which, for a consignment shop, is quite impressive. We’re doing* something * right. :smiley:

15

I don’t mean to speak for the OP, but I’ve consigned clothes before. High-end consignment shops most certainly do exist, for both clothes, kid’s clothes and toys, and for household furnishings. You bring in stuff you don’t want, the store sells it for you, and you get a cut.

The long form is probably for new clients and the short form for established ones - once they have you ‘in the system,’ so to speak, they know who you are and can track when you bring clothes in.
As for taking the stuff to Goodwill, that’s up to the consignee. If the shop doesn’t want it, the person dropping it off can take it to Goodwill or the Salvation Army on their own.

Here in Baltimore, there’s a high-end furniture consignment shop that sells good-quality furniture and other household goods - silver flatware and china, stuff like that. Right next door is a Goodwill. :stuck_out_tongue:

16

It sounds like this girl has encountered some racism before, is inexperienced in how consignment works, and has a protective mama bear.

I’m sorry you had to face this; I’m also sorry that she’s apparently encountered enough racism in her life that she sees it even when it’s not there; and I’m sorry that her mother doesn’t seem to be giving her tools to face a world that can be hard and cold no matter what the color of your skin.

17

Alternatively, it’s possible she’s experienced so little real racism that even minor perceived slights are a huge deal to her.

The only possible explanation I can think of is that the girl brought in a mixed bag of both her and her mother’s clothes, and by whatever unlikely chance you happened to only pick out only her white mother’s clothes. Maybe the daughter thought there was an obvious African-American style to the clothes you rejected.

You didn’t tell us how the mother left it. After she scolded you and you very properly went through the clothes and explained why each was rejected, how did the mother leave it?

18

Damn, Anastasaeon, this is a great OP and I want to respond to it. Y’all are keeping me out of the gym this afternoon!

DJ Motorbike made a comment that I perceive to be true among Whites; that being accused of racist behavior is one of the worst things that one can be accused of. Do you agree? I’m just curious. (I’m a Black male BTW.)

On quick reflection I’d say you are well within your rights to blow this mom and daughter off if you so choose. However, this seems to have affected you in such a way that perhaps for your own peace of mind, and an opportunity to learn someone else’s perspective, so maybe you do want to reach out to the young woman. It’s possible Mom misunderstood the cause of her distress (and she might be embarrassed to find out what Mom did), or that the nuance of her concern was lost in translation. Mom’s White too, so you might be dealing with some of the guilt she must feel knowing she doesn’t know what it’s like for her daughter, either.

This situation really points out the incredible psychological damage of racism. I would surmise the daughter is aware of racism, either through direct experience or knowledge of history. Part of the issue for people of color is that when we are treated poorly, or perceive the feeling of being treated poorly, is that we often don’t know why that interaction went down the way it did. Was it because we were inadvertently rude? Was the shopkeeper having a bad day? Is that person a jerk to everybody? Or is s/he a jerk to me because of my race?

This happens to almost everyone in some context - people who speak English as a second language, people with disabilities, women. Depending on the context it can even happen to a upper class WASP man. But for people of color the experience isn’t temporal. It’s permanent. And every person has to figure out how to deal with it. One can ignore it, or one can perceive every slight as racism. Most people are between the two poles, and depending on what you ate for breakfast, the state of the weather, what your boyfriend said to you five minutes earlier, it can affect your take as well.

I think intentions matter so much in this world. It seems that yours are good. If you have the time, I think reaching out to this customer is not only good business, but you might learn something, and that young lady might learn something from you. I would take the approach that you care how customers feel, and you really want to know more about how she felt after the interaction. You can introduce mom later if you like, but this is probably more about you and the young lady than you and the mom. Not knowing what the daughter feels, you can’t really apologize or defend anything, can you?

19

You didn’t ask me, but FWIW I’d agree with this statement. (I’m a white male.)

20

If I were in such a situation I would have tried to reassure the mother that there were legitimate reasons for rejecting the clothes that had nothing to do with race, and the proceeded to explain to the mother (and showing where necessary) why each piece was rejected, citing company standards where appropriate. If the mother was at all reasonable then I’m sure she would have at least given consideration to the legitimacy of the decisions. It is unfortunate that the rejected clothes happened to be the daughters, but I’m sure there were perfectly acceptable reasons of style and condition that played reasonable factors in the decisions completely removed from any racial bias the daughter may think you have.