How to kill evil Nazi Groundhogs

Factual Questions
181

an entertaining thread, most assuredly, but also a serious problem.

my family also had the problem of groundhogs in a horse pasture (granted, on a much smaller scale–we only had a bit over 5.5 acres), but since we had a new foal in the herd, it certainly was cause for anxiety. fortunately, we also were blessed with a very protective collie. after futile attempts at plugging holes, she evidently understood that the varmints Were Not Welcome, and took action. apparently she’d post herself by one of the holes every chance she got (for a mostly indoors dog). over the summer she picked off the juveniles one by one, then proudly laid out Momma (or maybe Dad–i admit my knowledge of groundhog anatomy wasn’t extensive) on our driveway for our admiration and praise. we were suitably impressed. and she was one of the gentlest dogs i’ve had the priviledge to ever know. {DAMN that Saint Bernard that killed her.}

Submitted For Your Consideration…

next one who says “Fates a bitch” gets whacked with my measuring stick.

182

Gotta say this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. But, Growing up on a farm in Upstate NY, I gotta say this. Paying the local kids $5/carcass definately works. Me and 7 friends took out about 300 of the damn thigns couple a summers ago. The weapon of choice, a 16 gauge shotgun with some nice slugs. Very little kick and one-shot-one-kill.

183

“I just wanted to say ‘Good luck’. We’re all counting on you.”

184

Play “Ride of the Valkyries” as you begin the combat. Gives great moral courage.
Sure you can sell the meat. They have “ground chuck” next to the hamburger meat at Krogers.

185

Rain and lightning all day today.
Tomorrow they die.

186

I know you already have your plan laid out (looking at the weather map, you may have to wait another day), but instead of exhaust, I wonder if you could use Mustard Gas? Sure, you may have to clear it with the ATF and local law enforcement, and finding a supplier might be a problem, but it was sure deadly in the trenches of WWI.

187

figure out the frequency of some part of the groundhogs… then shatter them with the sound.

188

Hello, I am new here so please forgive if I err. How about claiming that the “hogs” are refugees from Cuba and your trying to grant them asylum and with any luck Janet Reno will send a squad of INS agents and wisk em away! You will be rid of the headache and the hogs will end up somewhere in DC- happy ending for all concerned- just a thought from this mornings news

189

Good luck! You might want to take a hint from what happened on Iwo Jima and Okinawa in WWII. Sure, you’ll quiet some of the holes, but they’ll just run through their tunnels and return fire on your flank or rear, or lob artillery from the opposite side of the hill. Have plenty of flamethrowers and satchel charges on hand, and expect heavy losses.

Seriously, I’m glad you’re not using a diesel to gag them out; you wouldn’t get enough CO with one.

190

Rain again, Damn.

How do I find their frequency?

191

Thanks, JAB, for showing the diagram of my electric mouse-fryer properly. How DID you do it?

Of course, back in those days, I inhaled…

I don’t know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free…

T

192

Scylla, not sure if this would count as biological warfare, but here’s my two cents.
There’s a particularly nasty stomach virus going around right now in my part of the country. I know from personal experience (i.e. the last 48 hours!!!) that it is life-altering in that sufferers submit prayers to the Superior Being of being cured or dying just to alleviate the pain.
I would suggest you grab a couple of people afflicted with this latest bug and set them near the groundhog burrows. Through the least amount of contact (I guess it’s airborn for I haven’t had any closer contact with others afflicted with this terrible torment), you may be able to infect the whole legion. Trust me, for I know of what I write, the little buggars will be committing suicide just to get some relief. However, before they finally croak, their immediate vicinity may be quite messy or contaminated. Wear hip boots and a mask. Hope it goes well. Let us know.

193

btw, bobcats are not extinct in PA, in fact they’re talking about opening a limited hunting season on them again. it’s being rather hotly debated right now, at least in my county anyway. has nothing at all to do with groundhogs but i wanted to set the record straight as a proud native.

194

I happened to mention your plight to my dad as we were driving by a vulture taking care of a roadkill groundhog… He said that he once saw on TV where they put propane (which is heavier than air) down their holes and lit them up. I neglected to ask how they ignited the propane without endangering themselves…

He also mentioned someone dumping turpentine (or some other flammable liquid) down a groundhog hole and lighting it, only to have the flaming hog run out and light the nearby wheatfield on fire.

195

Thought this might be of interest!! Its from SNOPES… lets just call it… how NOT to kill a groundhog!

The Unkillable Gopher
Claim: In the process of attempting to get rid of a gopher, a trio of school custodians blew up their shack. Though all three janitors were carried out on stretchers, the gopher returned to the wild unscathed.
Status: True.

Origins: Just when you think every fantastic story is fabricated, you run into one like this.

On 3 April 1995, someone (probably one of the kids) brought a very much alive and healthy gopher to the janitor and two maintenance men at Carroll Fowler Elementary School in Ceres, California. The three guys decided to kill the gopher and took it into a small room where janitorial supplies are stored. They tried to off the critter by spraying it with a cleaning solvent used to remove gum from floors. (The solvent works by freezing the gum, thereby making it easy to scrape up.) Three cans were used on the condemned, but to no avail. The product didn’t seem to faze the gopher one bit.

It is speculated that one of the men then attempted to light a cigarette in this tiny enclosed space. This is plausible because smoking on school grounds is forbidden – this supply room is where any of the maintenance people would go to sneak a puff. As well, the janitor – the one most badly injured – was a smoker; his being at the centre of the blast and his neck wounds are consistent with this hypothesis.

As any sensible person would expect, there was one hell of an explosion, and all three men were injured. Sixteen kids were also hurt (mostly scraped knees and solvent inhalation – nothing all that serious). The explosion took place at 8:10 in the morning, and classes at that school start at 8:25 – given the number of kids milling around at that time, it’s a wonder more of them weren’t hurt.

In the aftermath of the explosion, the sprayed-down gopher was discovered unharmed and clinging to a wall. He was released back into the wild.

Of the three men, one was released from hospital that day, one was sent home a couple of days later, and the janitor (Carl) spent some time in the Burn Center in Stockton.

Barbara “obviously these guys had never seen Caddyshack” Mikkelson

Last updated: 30 July 1999
…And I am NOT making this up LOL. http://www.snopes.com/critters/cruelty/gopher.htm

196

The damn Canadians are holding out on us.

The following info is from the Ontario Ministry of Agriculture Food and Rural Affairs http://www.gov.on.ca/OMAFRA/english/crops/facts/98-023.htm#groundhogs

Control
Winter is a poor time for groundhog control, as these pests hibernate in a sealed off chamber in the burrow.

The following are commonly used methods of control: Phostoxin, a fumigant, contains aluminum phosphide. In the presence of moisture, phosphide gas (phosphine) is released, which is claimed to be effective against groundhogs. When handling Phostoxin, a full face mask repirator with an acid gas canister should be worn and the use of cotton gloves is recommended. A second person with personal protective equipment should be assisting during the fumigation. Always consult the product label. This product is manufactured in tablet form. Rate of application is one tablet per hole. All entrances must be sealed to prevent the gas from escaping.
A Grower Pesticide Safety Certificate is required before Phostoxin can be purchased by a farmer. The policy with this pesticide also requires the user to take instruction on using the product before it can be purchased. (A Factsheet, Aluminum Phosphide for Groundhog Control, is available from the Ontario Ministry of Environment.)

Gas Cartridges are cardboard cylinders containing a mixture that burns slowly and asphyxiates the groundhog. The cartridge is placed in the burrow of the groundhog and all entrances must be sealed. Follow manufacturer’s instructions on the preparation and use of cartridges.

Trapping can be effective for groundhog control, however, it is time-consuming. The use of No. 2 steel traps (muskrat traps) are most practical. Traps should be checked at least twice a day and should be cleaned after each catch.

Shooting can be an excellent means of keeping groundhogs under control. However, it must be done regularly from spring to fall.

The Phostoxin sounds just nasty enough to work. You’ll have to check with your state regulatory agency about requirements because it is restricted use in the USA too. Maybe check with the county extension guys again. They might be a little more helpful if they find out you are going to begin conducting chemical warfare.
Information on obtaining Phostoxin can be found at the following site.

1999 Fumigation Service & Supply Catalog http://www.surf-ici.com/insectslimited,inc/FSScatol.htm

“You know, by god, I actually pity those poor bastards we’re goin’ up against. By god, I do. We’re not just gonna shoot the bastard, we’re going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We’re going to murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel…The Nazis are the enemy. Wade into them, spill their blood, shoot them in the belly.”
George C. Scott from the movie PATTON

Good luck Scylla…We want you on that wall! We need you on that wall!!

197

Just to toss another idea on the barbeque…
I was digging post holes while building fence and realized that there was a slight possibility of me penetrating a burrow with the hop bar (metal bar with one end molded to the shape of a pointed bulb). Now this would be a truly inefficient way of killing the woodchuck. Reminded me though that there are air power nailers and gunpowder charged nailers for cement use. Now with some slight upward alterations to either type you could have a nailer that would penetrate several feet into the soil and thus into the woodchuck while still in it’s burrow. This would require the use of the aforementioned underground listening equipment or perhaps some high tech radar or heat detecting equipment. With a high speed, high power nailer and detecting equipment it seems you could have a killing machine that wouldn’t require the hit or miss effectiveness of gas and wouldn’t require the woodchucks to come out of the burrows.

Of course the neighbors might be confused watching you nailing the grass to the ground. If they ask tell 'em you were worried someone was going to steal the crops, so you’re nailing it down.

198

I killed 7 today.

Using Tbones advanced Groundhog sniping techniques (they run into the hole wait 20 seconds then pop their nose up. During the wait you sight in, and when they pop up… Blam!)

The antifreeze has been siting out for a week. there is still signs of activity at those holes, so who knows if it’s doing anything?

The drainspout/hose contraption attacjed to the exhaust of my 1948 SuperA Farmall International Harvester contraption, actually scared 3 grooundhogs out of a single hole! THey came one at a time so I was able to shoot all 3. The exhaust on the tractor is foul, and it needs lead supplement added to the gas.

TOmorrow I will try to duplicate this on another hole to see if it wasn’t a fluke.

199

Scylla/Al,
You are from New York. There is a certain someone in New York who could help you. He might have a lotta of free time on his hands real soon. He has the experience. No, not Bobby Valentine…The Big Man himself, the heir to Benito, Rudy Guliani. It would be one of the more inhuman stategies, but ya’ gadda do what ya’ gadda do.

PS Liquid Nitrogen shouldn’t do much to the ground.

200

Got 3 yesterday.