dgiddens, you rock my world.
I tried every combination of ‘prarie dog’, ‘gopher’ and ‘groundhog’ + ‘vacuum’ I could think of, and came up dry.
I still think this is the most ingenious application of atmospheric pressure ever. Reverse sprinklers be damned, Scylla, the atmosphere is conspiring to wipe out evil Nazi groundhogs!
They’re not hibernating, they’re plotting. May I suggest the use of some listening equipment ? http://www.msvalves.com/leaksear.htm
It is actually intended for finding water leaks but I think we can make it work as a remote listening device. Now all we need is an interpreter.
Finally, thanks to dgiddens’ help, I’ve found the original article I read a few years ago.
Prayer, then a dream, inspired giant vacuum to humanely suck up prairie dogs
This is a way better story than the vacuum truck web site one. I think my work here is done.
The link is cool, the princi-iple may be sound, but a four inch hose ain’t gonna cut it.
These babies are BIG!
Douglips:
Now concerning the angular momentum of the prairie dog as it passes through the hose, which way will the hose rotate?
Often wrong… NEVER in doubt
Who killed Alsmith and Why?
Newtonsapple:
Alsmith got killed for three reasons.
Wanted another name first but messed up registration (e-mail portion)
Assasinated in Great Debates by the combined might of The Good Dr. Fidelius, and David B. in evolution without religion thread. (David B kicked the corpse repeatedly with unrepentant glee. This should tell you something.)
Got a little bit scared concerning some of the people and events occuring on this board, and decided a little more anonymity might be in order.
Documented this in MPSIMS under alsmith, dead so I wouldn’t be misconstrued as a Multi-Personality Poster.
I am now wondering why I bothered.
Often wrong… NEVER in doubt
Thank you for the explanation 
I liked Alsmith I didnt want to lose him. David and some others do have a way of “assassinating” some folks. Yes I spelled it that way for a reason
Good to see you will be around though.
Actually I rather enjoyed the asassination.
In all fairness there was nothing mean about it all.
I was horribly wrong in my assertions, and this was clearly proven to me.
I learned something I’d been in error about for years, and it opened up new knowledge, and another area of interest that was unknown to me, so I am not ungrateful.
One must not hold back when striking a blow against ignorance.
After reading portions of other threads I can sympathize with their actions.
I wish to mention this for the record, so that if in the future a certain party were to find his backyard suddenly inundated with a certain species of Marmota Monax…
(ummm. never mind)
Heh Heh Heh.
Often wrong… NEVER in doubt
Thanks for the compliment.
I miss Al, too. he seemed like such a fun loving guy, could make light out of even the worst of problems. Much different than the guy that beat me up over in the Feynman Puzzle thread.
Just kidding. 
But really, what’s wrong with the idea of soliciting help from the locals. This maybe the wrong time of the year up there, but before the groundhogs start scattering babies all over the place. (They are so hard to kill. They are so cute when they are little.)
I think you should go into town, to the local saloons, post a few notices around that you are going to give a can of beer for each dead groundhog that is brought to you, plus free hot dogs.
On the designated day, ice down the bed of your pickup and throw in about ten cases of beer, also, buy a package of hotdogs. The hotdogs are important because if gives you a real good reason to stay behind and handle the grill. No one’s going to eat them, though, but you don’t really want to be out in the fields at this time. The rest of the family may want to go visit Grandma.
I can see how you could easily take out about 240 groundhogs per party. Hell, I might even come up there and get me a few, too.
You didn’t think that instantaneous implosion was funny?
You need to see Deer Season around here to understand my fear of a Beer drinking/ groundhog asassination party.
We keep the horses in the barn, the dogs inside, and once or twice a season I have an unpleasant confrontation with an armed sometimes drunk belligerent hunter who doesn’t feel that property lines apply to him.
I have a few very scary stories about this.
Something along the lines of hiring a few trustworthy local bounty hunters early in the season is probably in order though.
THanks.
Often wrong… NEVER in doubt
Oh, Scylla, of course, I thought it was funny.
But on the subject, take your chances, you may only need one party. If you can protect yourself and family and animals, you may have a two-fold solution in the making.
First you could rid yourself of a lot of groundhogs in a short period of time. (By the way, I forgot to mention, have some shovels availible, there is no telling to what extent they might go to for the beer.) But you may also get rid of a lot of menacing drunk hunters in the process.
Think about it. It’s only one day or so. Maybe put the grill in the storm cellar.
This board has been a hoot! I’m amazed and impressed with the bizarre and improbable suggestions for dealing with Al’s problem.
Broken glass!!?? Maybe for voles, little critters smaller than field mice. Vacuum? The practical considerations are enough to blow that one away. Maybe with prairie dogs, who tend to congregate in relatively narrow tunnels, but not with Marmota Monax!
DO NOT underestimate the innate toughness of the groundhog!
Example 1: Around 20 years ago, I watched my dad nail a 'hog with a .22-250-caliber varmint rifle. The 'hog was DOWN. When I started to leave to dispose of the body, Dad said, “Son, take the .22,” referring to the .22 rifle in the back of the pickup. “Dad, it’s dead,” I replied. “Take the .22,” he insisted. I walked the 250 yards to the 'hog’s hole and found it flat on its back, gut-shot. It was NOT a pretty sight, and the 'hog was, for all intents and purposes, dead. But the 'hog, not knowing this, greeted me with a rather menacing gnashing of inch-and-a-half long teeth. (Yeah, they’re that long!) A quick shot to the 'hog’s head resolved the situation…
Example 2: Not long afterward, I was poised with a .22 on top of a fencepost, with the idea of ridding my father of a particularly pesky 'hog. It was early in the morning, and the 'hog was totally unsuspecting. I caught him at a range of about 70 yards, standing upright and munching on my dad’s soybeans. Taking careful aim, I squeezed off a shot. The 'hog dropped to the ground, and came galloping (at least as 'hogs can gallop) up the bean-row straight at me. To make a long story short, I dropped the hammer four more times, the last time when the 'hog was disappearing amongst the briers that fortified his home in the fencerow along the south edge of the field. After the 'hog vanished, and when it was plain that no others were about to volunteer, I went to see if I had done any damage. After considerable tracking, I found the 'hog, quite dead. I had hit him with all five shots. He had completed the last leg of his run for his hole with two bullet-broken legs, a flesh wound down his port quarter, and a slug-hole in one of his lungs. Only the last bullet – smack through the side of his head – had stopped him.
Not long after this episode, I traded Dad’s trusty .22 for something with a bit more authority.
Gas don’t get it. Glass will NEVER get it. Baiting is a joke, as is persuasion. Not even Barry Manilow will drive them out of their holes, even though Barry would drive me off the planet!
It’s just so simple: high-velocity, small-caliber bullets fix everything!
I don’t know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free…
T
This board has been a hoot! I’m amazed and impressed with the bizarre and improbable suggestions for dealing with Al’s problem.
Broken glass!!?? Maybe for voles, little critters smaller than field mice. Vacuum? The practical considerations are enough to blow that one away. Maybe with prairie dogs, who tend to congregate in relatively narrow tunnels, but not with Marmota Monax!
DO NOT underestimate the innate toughness of the groundhog!
Example 1: Around 20 years ago, I watched my dad nail a 'hog with a .22-250-caliber varmint rifle. The 'hog was DOWN. When I started to leave to dispose of the body, Dad said, “Son, take the .22,” referring to the .22 rifle in the back of the pickup. “Dad, it’s dead,” I replied. “Take the .22,” he insisted. I walked the 250 yards to the 'hog’s hole and found it flat on its back, gut-shot. It was NOT a pretty sight, and the 'hog was, for all intents and purposes, dead. But the 'hog, not knowing this, greeted me with a rather menacing gnashing of inch-and-a-half long teeth. (Yeah, they’re that long!) A quick shot to the 'hog’s head resolved the situation…
Example 2: Not long afterward, I was poised with a .22 on top of a fencepost, with the idea of ridding my father of a particularly pesky 'hog. It was early in the morning, and the 'hog was totally unsuspecting. I caught him at a range of about 70 yards, standing upright and munching on my dad’s soybeans. Taking careful aim, I squeezed off a shot. The 'hog dropped to the ground, and came galloping (at least as 'hogs can gallop) up the bean-row straight at me. To make a long story short, I dropped the hammer four more times, the last time when the 'hog was disappearing amongst the briers that fortified his home in the fencerow along the south edge of the field. After the 'hog vanished, and when it was plain that no others were about to volunteer, I went to see if I had done any damage. After considerable tracking, I found the 'hog, quite dead. I had hit him with all five shots. He had completed the last leg of his run for his hole with two bullet-broken legs, a flesh wound down his port quarter, and a slug-hole in one of his lungs. Only the last bullet – smack through the side of his head – had stopped him.
Not long after this episode, I traded Dad’s trusty .22 for something with a bit more authority.
Gas don’t get it. Glass will NEVER get it. Baiting is a joke, as is persuasion. Not even Barry Manilow will drive them out of their holes, even though Barry would drive me off the planet!
It’s just so simple: high-velocity, small-caliber bullets fix everything!
I don’t know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free…
T
Geez, don’t you hate it when some incompetent asshole sticks his ranting, raving post on the board TWICE?
I don’t know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free…
T
The device you describe will blow every fuse and/or trip every circuit breaker feeding the outlet you plug it into.
You cannot put the hot and the neutral leads on the same iron bar ANYPLACE! That is known as a dead short, and most electricity type things don’t react well to it.
Now if you wanna electrazap the liddle darlins without tripping breakers, use two rods placed at LEAST 5 ft apart. There will be enough resistance through the soil to prevent 15 or 20 amps of current flow, and your breaker won’t trip.
I wouldn’t recommend standing on or touching the soil between or around the rods, though. You may be driven off along with your groundhogs. In fact, this whole scheme is decidedly more dangerous for the humans using it than for the groundhogs it is being used upon. 
Based upon this observation, the whole idea should be scrapped.
FixedBack
“Misers get up early in the morning; and burglars, I am informed, get up the night before.”~~*G.K.Chesterton *
Fixedback:
ZZZZZAAAAAPPPPP!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Now you tell me.
I must admit that I tried the electrocution route once, but not with regard to groundhogs… they’re much too large and too smart! My aim was to fry smaller rodents – mice!
I started with the following materials: a piece of 1/2" plywood, approximately one-foot square, a piece of aluminum “flashing,” about the same size, a few screws and nails, and a standard lamp cord (“zip” cord), bare wires on one end and a standard 110V plug on the other. Oh, yeah, also I had an old raggedy bath-towel.
I used tin-snips to cut the aluminum to two shapes: a hollow square of about 1-1/2" depth and a solid square with about 8 1/4" sides. I arranged the two pieces of aluminum and attached them to the plywood square concentrically, roughly so:
Where “P” = plywood and “a” = aluminum…
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
P aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa P
P aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa P
P aaaa aaaa P
P aaaa aaaaaa aaaa P
P aaaa aaaaaa aaaa P
P aaaa aaaaaa aaaa P
P aaaa aaaaaa aaaa P
P aaaa aaaa P
P aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa P
P aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa P
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
(I’m just hoping my diagram gets posted in roughly the same design I had in mind…)
At any rate, once I’d made the basic structure, I attached one of the “zip” cord leads to the outer hollow square of aluminum, and the other lead to the inner square of aluminum. I plugged the “business” end of the cord into the nearest wall outlet. I dampened the old towel and rolled it up and used it to surround the plywood square.
For bait, I used Cheez Whiz, peanut butter, bacon, and/or whatever came to hand, placed in small amounts at the center of the middle square of aluminum. Any rodent intent on stealing the bait would have to tread across the damp towel, thereby moistening its feet, then walk across the outer hollow square of aluminum (ground), then step across to the inner square of aluminum (hot), thereby comepleting a rather crude but SPECTACULARLY effective electrical circuit!
OH, MY! Ain’t we got fun!
And, in the end analysis, the dead mice – there were a great many – died in a manner much more humane than any conventional trap would provide. In terms of a “size -jolt ratio,” the mice had the same benefit that might be derived by an electric-chair victim who is inadvertently struck and killed by lightning. Same result, LOTS more voltage, amperage, etc.
I don’t know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free…
T
Well, forget the concept of even ROUGHLY trying to represent anything using ASCII characters on THIS board!
It was a small square inside a bigger, hollow square, OK? Email me, I’ll send you a picture that CAN’T be cobbled up.
I don’t know why fortune smiles on some and lets the rest go free…
T
Tbone2
Would that work on a Groundhog, outside, in his hole.
It might take a lot of extension cord.
What if it rains?
If you put a cage around it so little kids can’t kill themselves, you migh make a lot of money with something like that.
Do you have a picture of one in action that can be posted?
Often wrong… NEVER in doubt