Indeed. A common theme in advice columns is people asking how to respond to rude behavior without offending the offenders. If the offenders get offended by being politely called on their behavior, that’s their problem.
I don’t see anything at all wrong with a simple, “Please call me Elizabeth.” or “I actually don’t care for the name Liz; I prefer to be called Elizabeth.” etc. Or even, if the obnoxious behavior persists, “Excuse me, but I’ve asked you several times to call me Elizabeth, not Liz. I call you by the name you prefer, and I would appreciate it if you would return the courtesy. Thanks.” If they get honked off, it’s their problem, the rude bastards.
I can sympathize but the reality is that if your name has more than two syllables people are going to tend to shorten it. That doesn’t make it right and you should be the one to decide what your name is, but it’s probably going to keep happening.
Going to HR is a huge overreaction; it makes the complainer look like a anal-retentive dick, and lessens her or his credibility if it is ever necessary to complain about something more substantive.
I feel the OP’s issue. I don’t like my real first name, and never introduce myself as such. I generally by diminuative of my last name–let’s say “Jackie Jackson” for sake of argument. I don’t use “Jack,” because my baby sister, who also hates her real first name, took up the same habit a few years after I did. In an purely social environment, using either my given name or “Jack” is a sign of not giving a damn about my preferences. (Back when I was single, I broke up with a woman who insisted on using my real first name even when I told her it was like nails ona chalkboard.) But at work I want the emphasis to be on work, not nomenclature. I always introduce myself as “Jackie” and gently correct colleagues who call me “Jack,” but that’s it. Though I have been known to not respond when addressed by my first name when meetings, because I hear it so rarely I hardly think of it as mine anymore.
::sigh:: People can be so rude, without even thinking about it. We had a “new guy” come to work here. His name is “Daniel.” I asked him within the first day or two if he prefered Dan or Daniel. He looked vaguely non-plussed, as if it had never occurred to him that he had a choice. He told me that he’d always gone by “Dan,” but that really, he thought he’d like to be “Daniel.” So “Daniel” he was, for the entire time he worked here, for everyone.
Say “I’m sorry Mr. President, but my name is not Brownie (or turd blossom, or whatever).”
At least they’re calling you the common diminutive of your name. Just imagine what it would be like to get called some dumbass, made-up, crap nickname. People who try to inflict those on people have issues I think.
My name is Elizabeth too, and I also have people want to call me Liz. Like you, that’s not my preference, it’s not my name, it’s not on any legal documents and I think at this point in my life I damn well deserve to be called by my proper name.
Having said all that, I usually poke a little fun at myself when I tell people “Yes I use the full name, all nine letters and four syllables. I know it’s long, but I do use the entire name.”
I did shorten my legal signature when I married my husband and took his last name because it has seven letters and I knew I’d struggle to get 16 letters on most sig blocks. So I sign E LastName and that works.
I’ve had friends shorten my name to just E and I am fine with that. I’m not fine with Beth, Betty, Libby, Liz, Lizzie or any of the other diminutives.
Problem is that even if I use those exact words, I come off as being impolite. It’s probably my tone of voice, facial expression, etc.
Thanks to all of you who answered wtih a variation of “just ask politely,” but just trying to be polite isn’t working out very well.
I know what you mean. For some odd reason, I don’t mind being called Lizzy. Not that people usually do that, but I don’t mind. Maybe I have an affinity for Lizzie Borden?
This is not the same. It’s opposite. 180 degrees.
The problem is people who want to call people by nicknames. You’re asking them to call you a nickname. So they’re on your side already. Of course they’re happy to call you Christy.
Huh? So the random lady in accounting likes me? The guy who wrote “Liz” on a piece of paper before he ever met me? I guess I must be more likeable than I thought. In other words, this is not why they’re doing it.
I’m sorry, olives, but you must not have read the whole OP. I did sign the email “Elizabeth” and have my full name in my sig. And this is a business situation, so I don’t think “Love,” would be an appropriate sign-off.
Nope. She won’t catch on. I speak from plenty of experience here. She will never get the hint.
In practice, my name does have two syllables. Most people pronounce it more like “Lizbith” in casual conversation. I understand what you’re saying about people’s tendency to shorten names, but people just declare my name “too long” without even attempting to use it. Plus, it’s not a name that will be “difficult” for anybody because it’s one of the most familiar names in the Western world.
I like the “Hi! I go by Elizabeth, thanks!” or “Most people call me Elizabeth.” I think that’s all you can do. People think it’s friendlier to shorten it, so I understand the urge to, but you can just keep repeating yourself with a smile, and hope it sticks.
Nope. I really hate it entirely too much for that. As I said, I have my reasons, and I don’t even object to nicknames in general. Just Liz.
And as I said, I do “let it go” in certain circumstances. I’m not insane or hell-bent on proving a point. I just don’t want to be called Liz by anyone with whom I have any kind of ongoing relationship.
As someone alluded to above–once you let anyone call you Liz, it catches on, becomes entrenched, and then you’re really stuck.
I know, right? Like we haven’t heard that tired old “joke” before a zillion times. I mean, some people will respond “okay Lizzzzzz” if I ask them to call me Elizabeth and then call me Elizabeth thereafter. That’s lame, but whatever.
Since you can’t disguise your irritation (me neither), I suggest you work with it. Give a really melodramatic, angry shudder, close your eyes and hold your breath like you’re trying not to cry. Then let the air out slowly and explain, “I’m sorry, but there’s a deeply personal reason I don’t like that nickname, it brings back a bad time in my life. I can’t explain - I’ve left all that behind me - but I’d really appreciate it if you called me Elizabeth.” No reason to tell them that the painful past was this morning’s email.
Our company has worked with this other company for about 6 years now. Everyone over there knows me as Jessica.
I don’t have an email sig - actually I am not fond of them because all of their sigs are like 10 lines long. And they tend to go on and on in long quoted email threads where I see their damn long sig every time.
Anyway, in my frustration with these long emails, that are often CC’d to about 5 people, and frustration with the people at that company in general, I tend to write whatever I have to write (usually a fifth explanation of something, because they’re dense) and then just sign off as “j.” It’s really just laziness - I could sign off with nothing, as they sometimes do, but so everyone knows who the email is from I make sure I write “j” to make it easier.
Only now all of a sudden they have all taken to calling me “j”. Emails begin with "Hi J - " or "J- ". I never in a million years would have thought that this is how my sign off would be interpreted. I’ve even started making a point of typing out Jessica as my sign-off in emails. But now, I am “J” to them.
As I said, this company drives me up the wall anyway. You can explain something a bunch of times to them and they forget, but sign your emails “j” a few times and they glom on to that? Jeez
I didn’t mean that you shouldn’t correct people who miscall you; they are being deliberately rude, or are just clueless. I should have said “Handle it without escalation to HR.”
Ick. I feel for you. I have actually changed my first name to something other than the one my parents gave me just because I disliked it. Although, while I generally disliked that original name in its full version (Amanda), I hated the diminutive ‘Mandy’. Ick ick ick and ew. Vomit. I only wanted to be called Amanda.
I had endless trouble, particularly with women, trying to convince people that I did not want to ever be called Mandy. I tried the whole range of tactics, from polite requests, less polite requests, not responding to it at all, being surprised that someone using it was talking to me, getting friends to let people know that I hate it, etc etc ad nauseam. I always started as politely as possible, but many people just didn’t respond.
I think my favourite was just to create a really unpleasant or stupid nickname out of the name of some unrepentant Mandy-er and use it as frequently as possibly until they got out a damned pen and signed for the hint that they ordered. This was especially fun if their name could be transformed to rhyme with Mandy. Danielle became Dandy and it only took about three tries with that little gem before she got the picture.
No one tactic works with every one of these Champions of Assumption though. I found I just had to keep going, keep trying new tactics, no matter how frustrating, until it sunk in that I wasn’t just saying “please don’t call me that” because of some mental condition that compelled me to. It can take some time, but eventually many people get just as sick of hearing you ask them not to as you get of hearing the nickname.
Now that I’ve changed, it isn’t a problem and I like both my newer full name and it’s diminutive. I’m not suggesting you take this drastic step. If I was to suggest a polite remark to make in your email, it would be something like this:
"I’m sorry, I may not have remembered to tell you - everybody here calls me Elizabeth as that’s my preferred name. I don’t mean to chide you as I realise couldn’t have known. "
The second someone calls you “Liz,” before you process anything else they are saying just interrupt with, “It’s Elizabeth.”
They’ll probably stop what they were saying and have to start over, but you will have made your point simply and efficiently. I don’t think it’s rude to do this. It’s rude not to correct someone as early as you can, otherwise you risk letting them embarrass themselves by using the wrong name.
Happens to me all the time. I hate the diminutive of my name with a passion.
Not my real name, but imagine my name were Charles and people tried to call me Chuck.
I tell them, “I really dislike that name. Never met a Chuck I liked. Most people named Chuck are stupid jocks who light beer farts at parties.”
They usually laugh, but very rarely forget to call me by my full name again.
If the offenders get offended by being politely called on their behavior, that’s their problem.
