Same here. It’s not uncommon for me to say, “Hi, I’m Victoria,” and for the other person to reply, “Hi, Vicki.” Depending on how misanthropic I’m feeling at the moment, I say something like, “Oh, actually, I prefer Victoria,” with a smile… or not.
It probably is. If I may suggest, you might be coming off as rude BECAUSE you’re trying so hard not to come off as rude, paradoxically. If you can stop caring what people’s reactions are going to be, you might get better reactions.
And if being polite has not worked for you so far, then why do you want to continue to do so?
A simple “I prefer to be called Elizabeth” should be more than enough. No need to apologize for it, and no need to worry about people’s reactions. If you find yourself getting pissed off because you’ve had to tell the same person ten times, then get pissed off at that person. Maybe they’ll get the hint, finally.
Reminds me of a scene in an early second season episode of “Star Trek: The Next Generation”. Dr Pulaski keeps mispronouncing Cmdr. Data’s name as “DAT-ta”. He finally corrects her and tells her it’s pronounced “DAY-ta”. She says “What’s the difference?” He replies, “One is my name. The other is not.” 
I feel for you.
My given name is Jett; since boyhood I’ve been called “Jettboy”. For a number of years I tried to go by my middle name, Vincent. That would always seem to morph into “Vince” or, God forbid, “Vinnie”. Compared to Vinnie, Jettboy ain’t so bad.
A business colleague of mine is Sandra – pronounced SAHNdra. The first time I called her Sandy, she used XJETGIRLX’s appoach. I didn’t think it was rude, and I didn’t call her Sandy again either.
My wife solved that by punching me in the center of the chest when I called her “Julie” instead of “Julia”. I said a punch was a fair price to pay, and she smiled sweetly and said “Every subsequent punch is an inch lower. Tread carefully.”
I think this is a particular curse with our name, because there are so many options, and for some reason there are people who get really attached to one of them and insist on using it. I mean, it would be okay with me if they got attached to one and it was their own name, but it’s my name! Or your name, as the case may be.
Do you think it is possible that you could hold off until you could finagle meeting her in person? I think in person is less harsh, and then you avoid the risk of 1. unintentionally sounding too severe in the email and then 2. she forwards it to her coworkers to show them what a harpy you are. When I have a situation where I fear I might come off as inadvertently rude, I like not to leave any written evidence.
If you are in person, it’s easier to work the correction into a light-hearted anecdote, like “My Mean Aunt Myrtle always called me Liz … so now I’m terrified whenever I’m addressed that way! I much prefer Elizabeth. Did you ever have a mean aunt? Aren’t they funny? Mine had an awful poodle, that bit children. And she wore dreadful polyester pants suits!”
Here’s a weird thing – I work with a woman who asked me not to address her as Liz in emails … but she answers her phone saying “Liz.” I guess the nickname is acceptable verbally, but not in written communication. I am trying to adhere to this, but I think it’s a little crazy.
I usually just say “I don’t go by that. I probably won’t realize you mean me unless you call me Russell”.
A bit off topic, but I have a name that is fairly common with about 10 different ways to spell it. When my mother picked out the spelling, it was unique but certainly isn’t now. Yet more than a few people mispronounce it as something that not only sounds completely stupid, but isn’t an actual name, as far as I know. And yes, some of them have even asked me if it’s supposed to be"" or "_" and still continue to mispronounce it. I’m embarassed for them now and wouldn’t deam of correcting them. Hell, my own boyfriend of a year and a half doesn’t pronounce it as intended (but his way is better so I let it slide).
"Please call me Elizabeth. The only person who called me Liz was my mentally-ill uncle who molested me every Saturday for eleven years.
“His name was Theodore.”
Change it to Edward, and it’s the same story for me. I hate Ted, I dropped it from “public” use in Jr. High.
Of course, I have an uncle, a few years older than me (6, I think), that loves calling me Theodore, though he knows I’m a Jr, and doesn’t call my father that. I’ve learned to roll my eyes out of his sight when he does that.
No it isn’t. Teddy is a name for a 4 year old, or a Sr. Senator from MA. (also an Edward… I don’t get it.)
I can’t understand people who think it’s okay to not call you by your name.
There’s one salesman who has one a couple of occasions called me by a diminutive. I flat out told him that unless he was a family member, he didn’t get to call me that. Usually I’m more polite - “It’s _____, not Linda,” said nicely. (Linda being what they usually mistake it for).
Last time I went to camp, there was a Betty who was starting to go by Elizabeth. People need to have some basic respect and call you what you want. Family members get more leeway.
Be as forceful as you need to, but no more.
Ugh, I’m sorry. I have both a first name that is easily shortened (which I don’t like) and a last name that is common as a first name.
My e-mail sig has my Fullfirstname Fulllastname.
I am likely to get any one of:
- My actual full first name, yeay!
- The diminuative of my first name (not the worst, but I don’t like it.)
- My last name. (WTF? I really HATE this. Did you not read my e-mail, my sig, or the Kind Regards, Fullfirstname that I habitually tack on? No, you did not. You’re a moron, crawl away and die.)
I always respond in e-mail,
Dear Dimwit,
My name is Fullfirstname.
Blah blah answer to original e-mail.
Kind Regards,
Fullfirstname
I’ve had to rinse and repeat, but it always works after the first couple of times.
Funnily, I almost never get the diminuative of my first name spoken, though. But when I do I use the same technique, right after they say it “My name is Fullfirstname.” That’s always worked for me, usually they apologise and I say “That’s ok, no worries.” and we move on.
And nobody uses my last name in person, of course. Just e-mail.
I don’t know if this will help–it may be more interaction/discussion than you want. But it worked for me (in reverse).
I had a friend who I first met as Betsy. She decided she wanted to be called Elizabeth. I found myself resisting because Elizabeth sounded (to me) like a cold, formal, distant acquaintance rather than the nice, friendly, warm person I knew. Finally she sat me down and said something like “Many people use a nickname to establish that they care for or are close to someone. It’s a sign of affection and friendship and seems to put the relationship on a comradly basis rather than a formal one. Elizabeth is the name that accomplishes that for me. Betsy is the formal, distant name that makes me think you are trying to push me away. Perhaps you could think of Elizabeth as my nickname and just call me that?”
Anyway, probably too long and too much effort. But it got me to change. Although sometimes deep inside I still think of her as Betsy-who-I-need-to-remember-to-call-Elizabeth-so-I-don’t-hurt-her-feelings.
I think this is the best way to handle it. It’s a reasonable justification for it. Otherwise, some people will jump to the conclusion that you are uptight and prissy if you insist on being called your full name and make a big deal about it. I also think that is why some people will then go on to make a point of teasing you by calling you the hated nickname, to try to get you to lighten up about it because they think you’re just being full of yourself.
(Incidentally, I once allowed someone to call me the wrong name for a full month. They were calling me a name close enough to my real one that, by the time I realized they were calling me the wrong one, it seemed awkward to correct them. Eh, it’s just a name!)
I go by my name in real life (I know! Unusual, huh?), so I’m Carol and that’s how I introduce myself.
One of the truck drivers I worked with started calling me Cazza. Knowing him, it was to be cheeky, and he was just trying to get a rise out of me. Instead of saying anything about it, I just invented a nickname for him too - whenever he called me Cazza instead of Carol, I called him Tex instead of Terry. I could tell it puzzled him and he wanted to know why I was calling him Tex but he obviously realised I only did it when he said Cazza so he never asked. And our Mexican standoff went on for years, Tex and Cazza, neither one telling the other to stop because that would have been an admission of defeat.
So as pointless as it is, I’d do the same for your colleague. Christen them with a new random nickname that may or may not be tenuously related to their real name, and if they ever say anything you can say “Well that’s a real coincidence because my name’s not Liz! It’s Elizabeth.”. And if they never say anything… well, small things/small minds, but it entertained me to call Terry by a name that he didn’t understand.
There are people who want to address you by your “real name” or your “full name” and won’t accept a diminutive as a “real” name even if that is your real, full name. I get Caroline a lot, even though my birth certificate says Carol, and I knew a Betty whose aunt called her Elizabeth her entire life because “Betty’s not a name”. I also knew a (first name) Peggy (middle name) Margaret who got an earful from a judge when she testified in court and had to state her full name because “Peggy’s short for Margaret! That can’t be your name”. For every compulsive nicknamer out there, there’s a compulsive fullnamer too.
I like Cazzle’s playful response.
“Everybody calls me X” or “I’d prefer it if you called me X” sound good to me. If they ask why (which is edging towards rude), just repeat as necessary “because that’s what I prefer.” After all, your reasons don’t have to satisfy them.
But I’m careful about names, so I wouldn’t have to be told twice. I just don’t understand people who would persist after being corrected.
My name’s James, and I introduce myself as Jim, and that’s what everybody calls me. I don’t like Jimmy, because that’s what I was called when I was a child, usually in a syrupy voice, and I’m not a child any more. But I have a couple of friends I’ve known for decades who use it very occasionally, and then they say it in a fast, clipped, business-like manner, which doesn’t bother me.
Absolutely NOT jumping on you, but asking out of curiosity since you’re the only one that’s responded by saying you’ve called someone by a name other than what was offered. So, may I ask why? If you knew she went by SAHNdra, why did you call her Sandy? Thanks in advance for your answer because it will be interesting to see the reason people might do this. 
As to the OP, I think asking them this each time might get through (which is a tactic I’ve used): “Oh, have I asked you before to call me Elizabeth instead of Liz? If not, I certainly meant to. Thank you.” And repeat as necessary because it makes you look like you really don’t know as you have to make the request a million times a day, yet points out by repetition how serious you are.
My first name, like Lynn Bodoni’s, is an anglicization of an Italian name. Easily pronounced correctly by any English speaker from the spelling. My last name is French. People are constantly “correcting” my given name, in both spelling and pronunciation, to either of the two similar French first names. It drives me nuts. I have taken to introducing myself as “Italianname, but call me actualgivenname.” Oddly, this seems to work.
Not that it helps the OP. Could you fib? “I’m sorry, my husband’s ex-wife or dog or mother is named Liz, so I prefer Elizabeth.” Still difficult over email.
My brother’s name is also Theodore and he is universally called Theo, and has been ever since early childhood.
I think if someone seriously attempted to call him Ted, there would be some sort of nuclear incident.
I sort of have the opposite problem to Elizabeth. I’m pretty much known to everyone outside my family as Matt. It irritates me a great deal (in English, at any rate)* when someone calls me Matthew. This is because if someone is in a position to be calling me by my first name, I’ve introduced myself as Matt, so that if someone calls me Matthew, it means they’ve never been asked to call me by my first name and are arrogating that privilege to themselves when our relationship is such that they should be calling me by my last name.
*In French, I have no strong preferences. Most people call me Matt, but a lot of people call me Matthew, and I often present myself as Mathieu when not really introducing myself (e.g. when doing campaign work or making presentations in schools - “Bonjour, je m’appelle Mathieu et j’appelle de la part de votre candidat…”). This is because Matt is an uncommon name in French and tends to be heard as Marc.