How to quit cutting without my parents knowing i ever cut

I have been cutting for about two years. I have been caught only once. I want to quit but whenever i try it is too hard and i just get worse. I want to know a good way to quit.

Quitting any addiction is not something that’s best attempted on your own. If you don’t feel up to telling your parents, is there a school counselor or a competent adult family friend you could turn to? You’re going to need some professional help with this if you want to succeed. Think of it as a necessary first step.

School counselor would call my parents. because this ‘concerns my life’

Try squeezing ice cubes as hard in the palm of your hand as you can, hurts like hell, floods the brains with the chemicals you seek, no scars. Talk to someone.

Wow tough one, maybe telling your parents is something you don’t want to do but might need to do. I don’t know your home-life so be careful with mine and any advice on the interwebs.

I would talk with someone but I don’t need my parents to know. I have a couple friends trying to help but i’ve become addicted.

Why, specifically, don’t you want your parents to know?

And I seriously doubt this is something your friends can help you with.

They caught me before BlackBerry. Last time they had me talk with a chaplain and a pastor. If they catch me again they will very likely be disappointed that I am doing self-harm.

Hopefully they would be concerned about you instead of disappointed in you. And hopefully they would get you help from someone qualified to help, unlike last time. So maybe telling the school counselor and letting him/her tell them would be a good idea, because the counselor could explain to them what they can do to help and support you.

Perhaps the first time they thought it was just experimentation and wouldn’t last (which can sometimes be the case, but it sounds like it’s not for you) and they’ll take it more seriously this time?

Blackberry makes a good point – when they find you directly it probably scares and disturbs them and they may not have the right information to help you. Having an intermediate person who can explain it better would help them approach it differently.

You probably need to talk to a doctor. Would you be ok with your parents knowing you are depressed (not saying you are)?

I am no expert on cutting, but my understanding is that it is often treated with antidepressants. You need to get these from a doctor. A doctor should keep this confidential - and there would be no reason for your parents to know the exact reason you are seeing the doctor. Most docs are skilled with dealing with this and would be able to shade anything they told your parents.

“Well I suspect Janet is suffering from depression and we are trying out this line of treatment”. No reason to mention the cutting.

However - it might actually not be that bad for your parents to know, but I understand you might feel that way. How did they react to discovering you before.

In the meantime. Have you looked up HR (harm reduction techniques)? I’m guessing you can probably substantially reduce the risk of serious harm to your body by practicing safe techniques for cutting that would involve sterilization or something.

Anyway - my suggestions:

  1. Have a friend call the school counselor anonymously and ask what the school policy is regards to confidentiality. I ask this as in most cases it is something like “imminent harm” to yourself or others. Cutting is NOT something that should fall under this category. But make sure he/she agrees. Ask first what they policy is - and then ask if cutting would fall under that. If it doesn’t - see the counselor. They will almost certainly be helpful if they can. They do not want to rat you out to your parents.

  2. Try to get an appointment with a doctor. How you handle it depends on how your parents will react - and their view on stuff like depression, my first choice would be saying. “Hey I just don’t feel right discussing it with you - could you please just trust me and make the appointment”. Or if you are a girl - say it is female issues and you don’t want to go into details (that will work well with dads - as long as you say “I’m not pregnant and it is not for birth control”. Again these are just suggestions. You have to tailor to your parents. If you use the depression angle - that will both explain why you need to see the doctor - and probably help cover up the drugs he/she gives you. There is no anti-cutting drug - so there would be no reason your parents had to know. Ask the doc before you start the conversation if they will keep it confidential - what he would have to tell your parents - and ask him/her if self harm counts. They are not going to rat you out if you make it clear you will only talk if they promise you confidentiality.

  3. Try and find a support group for cutting if there are any. I’m guessing there are.

  4. Consider telling an adult you trust not to freak out/ tell your parent. They may be able to help you find resources that would be appropriate to your area.

You need to find an adult to help you. Your doc will most likely refer you to a psychiatrist. Please go. It sound like you are willing to get help. There is a universe of people out there that want to help you.

Also - try to consider telling your parents. I know it is hard, but unless they are totally irrational (which is possible) - they will want to help you.

Good point both Gigi and blackberry - it might be good to have an advocate to be there with you and your parents.

I am concerned about the whole pastor/Chaplin thing. This is absolutely not something that should be handled by a religious community - you need help from the medical community. I could see how cutting could be confusing to them - as many people think it is suicidal behavior or a sign of being crazy (which it obviously isn’t). But it doesn’t make sense to them - so they might not know what to do.

As a parent I would rather know but again I know nothing about yours.

It sucks to be going through this shit when you are a teen, I know I didn’t seek help for years for major anxiety, I so wish I had asked someone for help. I was so worried about letting my parents down but now I am older I see that they may have carried on a bit or even not understood me but they would have pointed me in the right direction.

Man, I dunno. I got over cutting through willpower and knowing my boyfriend was there for me, but that’s like a smoker trying to quit cold turkey. The success rate is way low, and I don’t recommend it. I do know that it’s pretty strongly linked with anxiety and/or depression so you could ask to go to a doctor for that without having to mention the self-harm to your parents directly.

Finding a hobby to get lost in helps. Drown yourself in art, musicmaking, running, working out, something - physical ones might be good because running hard enough gives you an endorphin rush. A safer/healthier way to get that release you crave so long as you’re not overdoing it.

Stay away from drugs and alcohol; a self-harmer is already addicted to one thing so it’s easy to fall into more addictions.

I hear a lot of people tell me this. I try but for me it hurts NOT to cut.

Tell your parents you need to see a doctor, and if they question why, tell them that the doctor can explain it after you see him/her. The doctor will do their best to keep your confidentiality, and you will likely get the medication you need to make it so that you stop hurting.

When you say “it hurts NOT to cut” we understand that. We get why you are doing it. To help ease the pain of life, to distract you from it, etc. But cutting is only one (rather unhealthy) way to do that. There are medications you could be on that will help you and be much less dangerous and socially unacceptable than cutting.

You need to see a doctor. Your parents love you and want the best for you. I know you care deeply about what your parents think of you, and that you don’t want to be a disappointment to them. And I promise you, I dealt with similar things, not wanting to disappoint my parents, and almost came to the point of killing myself because I didn’t want to deal with the fact that I was gay and was going to be a big disappointment to my family.

But, it does get better, and you can get the help you need. And no matter how bad you think it is, your parents are going to love you and help you however they can. Hold on and don’t give up hope. Go see a doctor as soon as you can.

You know, it would be great to live in that world, but here on Earth, these things are not always true. Do you know these particular parents? Is there any real reason to believe that they feel this way, or do you just assume every parent does?
I hope you are correct, but what if you’re not? The kid doesn’t want to tell the parents, who he/she actually is acquainted with and therefore maybe has some actual reason to believe that this is not the rosy course of action you suggest.

I agree AnaMen. I am speaking optimistically. I do not know his parents. I don’t assume every parent does but it seems like from this guy’s posts, his parents do care about him and want the best for him. I know they are religious from this thread and another the OP has made, which can be a good or a bad thing but as antireligious as I am, sounds good in this case.

I’m not saying he should go out and tell his parents and expect them to treat him well and all that. I think he needs to see a doctor however he can possibly do that, and if that means he HAS to tell his parents eventually, then so be it. But a doctor really really needs to be seen ASAP before things escalate and suicide attempts are made.

yes. they do care a lot about me. Also they do want the best for me. They never expected me (the laaf time i was caught) to be cutting. I attempted twice last year but i haven’t simce. Everyone tells me that I could escelate and get worse. I usually say i won’t and all they say is ‘you say that now…’’

I totally understand not wanting to disappoint or trouble those around you. At one point in my life I was having panic attacks and never told anyone about them. One time I was having dinner with some of my family, had an panic attack, excused myself, went to the bathroom and started dry heaving. After that subsided I washed my hands went back to the table like nothing had happened and everyone just assumed I was fine and had gone to the bathroom for normal reasons. It was very isolating, scary and very lonely. Later when I was able to talk about my problems it was very freeing.
There is a saying people in recovery have that we are only as sick as our secrets. It appeals to our pride and vanity to pretend to everyone that we are effortlessly guiding through life and weakness is for other people. But the truth is everyone has issues and needs help at some point in their lives. It does not make us weak, it makes us human. There is no shame in admitting to being human. Your parents love you so much more and are so much more concerned than strangers on the internet. There is no need to suffer in silence. Let those who love you, help you.