My parents found out...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Man I feel so stupid. I left a letter out that I had been writing to my ex boyfriend in Florida. I mentioned my cutting problem and how it was getting worse. My lovely mother found this letter.

She confronted me about it in the car on the way home from school. She had already known about it from friends ratting me out, but I guess the letter confirmed her fears. Though not mad about it, she’s very upset and started crying. Then I was crying, too.

She told my dad. I was so mad. Shit, he has enough problems to deal with without knowing about me messing up my life. Why do you think I never mentioned this problem to them to begin with? When I got in the door he shuffled over to me and hugged me and kissed me, told me he loved me. Then Mom hugged me this morning. It’s weirding me out.

Mom doesn’t know what to do with me. She doesn’t want to put me in a hospital because she thinks that will only make things worse. All I could think of was, “Y’know, being in a psych ward would scare me from ever cutting again”. But I think she just wants me to have more drugs and go to a shrink.

I’m terribly shy. I hate being forced to talk to strangers. I told her I don’t need a shrink and to leave me alone. She got mad at me and hasn’t mentioned it since.

She didn’t notice my cuts…and I’ve been cutting since May. Either she’s unobservant or I’m good at hiding things. But if my cuts aren’t even noticible to begin with…then why is she worried? Good grief.

I don’t know what to do either…but I feel like screaming or something. I think I’m going to go take a nap.

sigh

2

Cutting is a very serious problem, and it is probably for the better that your parents now know about it. I Know of a friend of my that is, and she got help. I am suggesting the same thing as a friend. I don’t love you less, I just love your well-being more.
Please.

3

Welfy, dear, it’s a GOOD thing your mother knows now. Even if your cuts aren’t deep enough to wound you, auto-mutulation is STILL a problem. Your mother can, and will assist you in finding help.

Good luck, and try not to harm yourself. You’re too nice a person - believe me, we like you here!

4

And what kind of help did your other friend get?

5

{{{Welfy}}}
I haven’t been a cutter, but I have been depressed, and I did jab my arms with nail files.

You are ON the road to recovery. Please do not be angry with your parents.
Remember, I’m here if you want to chat:
sutter@stargate.net
(I don’t really use the mail I signed up with anymore…)

6

My friend lived in the Grace unit at the Hospital for a while, and after she got out of that (a week or two) she goes to a therapist once or twice a week, and the schedules for the therapist are very flexible. The main thing is that this is a case of mutilation. I don’t know if the pain invigorates you, or if you just want to see how much you bleed; Please. The scars last a lifetime… As my english teach says, " A permanent solution to a temporary problem".
this is a psychological disturbance, and must be treated on the psychological level.
For the moment though, avoid any situations that lead to cutting, and please, if you only do it for all of us at the SDMB, get the proper help.

7

Welfy, sweetheart~

Your parent’s love you, that is clear.

No matter what is going on in their lives, they still want to be there for you, and to help you. Please LET them help you?

I care about you too, and I want to be there for you. You have my email address, if you want to talk I am here. If you DON’T feel like talking now, please remember that I am here when you do.

I know how difficult your dad’s cancer is and has been for you. I know because I have been there myself. You don’t need to deal with this alone, you have lots and lots of people who love you.

And the best medicine you can give to your dad is to allow him to help YOU. It would be more stressful for him if he felt he was helpless to be the father he wants to be; and I think that if he feels you are shutting him out for ANY reason, that IS how he will feel.

(((((((Welfy)))))))

NEVER forget that you are NOT alone!

Scotti

8

I’m busy with housework ( :frowning: )and can’t post right now, but I want to lend my support. We’ll talk.

mike

9

Hi! I’m Medea’s Child and I was a cutter.

Welfy, I don’t think its life threatening, or a horrible deal. As long as you stop. Its not good. And you are very good, thus its not really you either.The scars do stick and they make for wierd stories and explinations at the oddest times. (I hid my cutting on places that I wore clothes over. Ribs, upper arms, chest. My parents never knew. My boyfriends will for the rest of my life.)

I wish I could re-create the experiance that got me to stop for you. A good friend of mine caught me at it, waited until I finished, calmly took the knife away and said, “You will never do that again.” Not a threat, not a demand, no shame, no anger. Just a seriousness that showed he was certain that I was far too good/happy/beautiful of a person to ever need to hurt myself.

e-mail me, icq me, whatever if you need/want to talk. If I’m not here at that instant, I’ll be back soon. We’re here for you!

10

At least your parents didn’t yell at you when they found out you did it. That’s what mine did.

I used to do it, then stopped for 2 years, and have now relapsed with no end in sight.

I won’t tell you to stop, or give a lecture on how bad it is, since it meant nothing to me, it will mean nothing to you.

I suggest you go on some sites about the topic, since alot of them have ways on dealing with non SIers, and how to stop and stuff. Once site even has a message board devoted to this and it’s nice to know that others care about you at times.

Don’t worry about the shrinks. I was really scared to talk to one, but they put up with all your stuff, and some can be really nice.

Ever need to talk, email me or whatever. sorry if i sound insenstive or anything, don’t mean to, i just come across this way.

{{welfy}}

11

I have a line of scars on the inside of my arm running from my wrist all the way up to my elbow. Self-inflicted.

I know talking to strangers can be hard. Is there someone you trust? A family doctor, a nurse, clergyman, anyone?

{{{{{{{{{Welfy}}}}}}}}}}}

Please get help.

12

I have a friend who did this and I’ve considered cutting myself.

Your mom loves you and wants to help. She probably knows that you must make your own decision. Please, follow her advice and decide to stop. Cutting doesn’t help. Be careful. If you need anything, let us know.

((welfy))

13

{{{{Welfy}}}}} & {{{{Digital Muse}}}}

I know nothing about what draws someone to cut themselves. I won’t even begin to phsyco-babblize.

But, perhaps by talking to a support group…*yes, a room full of strangers *… people who are just like you ( hurting inside and unsure of how to release that pain in a more productive non damaging way) , you could talk to another human being who has been there and done that and might give you a fresher perspective on something and perhaps, just maybe, the will for you to stop doing something that you cannot seem to control.

Try it just once.

If not for you, for your parents. They definately do not want to see you unhappy and miserable.

As always, there are willing ears ( or eyes, if you will) waiting here to help you out.

14

Depending on how good your medical insurance is, from personal experiance (friends. plural), I say get yourselves into a live-in addiction program. Call it rehab, whatever. Cutting IS addictive, which is why you both can’t stop. Treat it like an addiction. Like an addiction, unless ** you ** want to stop, you won’t. These people are trained to help you.

If your medical insurance can’t handle that kind of expense, still treat it like an addiction. Support groups are a great idea. I’d still call your local suicide/eating disorders/automutilation rehab and get recommendations from them. Even if you can’t afford to go there, I’m sure they’d help you find a cheaper alternative.

You both have power. Power to get help.

15

I know that I’ve made subtle flirty type gestures your way, but it’s nothing… please don’t let that stop you from reading this…

I’ve only known one cutter, and she didn’t do it long… she moved on to other things, like dangerous sex, and substance abuse.

I know it’s easy to sit here, with untouched arms and say that what you are doing is bad, but it’s obvious that you already know it is, otherwise you wouldn’t be hiding it.

You’re parents may be over-reacting, but at least they are doing it the better way.

If you feel that therapy would help you, that you could handle it and that you want to get help, by all means do so… forced therapy doesn’t work, but if you want to stop, it’s a good place to start.

Know that, even though most of these folks have never met you IRL (I know I haven’t, dang the bad luck) know that thry really do care, and none of us want to see you hurting yourself.

All of us like you… and we’d like you better without bandages on your arms/legs/whatever…

16

Welfy,

I have no idea if this is the first tiome that you mentioned this on here or not, but the way I look at it is it is a cry for help.

Please let your parents help you. I know how difficult is is to be so shy that you can’t/don’t feel you can go to them… or anyone for that matter. Listen to that little voice that was screaming in your head to your mom to put you in a psyc. ward and scare it out of you. If I could I would haul you there myself!!

I hope you know how much love and support you have from all of us here…but remember your parents have SO much more.

17

Hon, we’re here for you. It’s great your parents didn’t yell or scream: they obviously care and are obviously scared. It IS a serious problem. Will it hurt to talk someone? Even if it’s one of us which is kind of anonymous.

I hope everything works out. If you want someone to talk to or rant at email or ICQ me.

{{{{welfy}}}}

18

Welfy sweetie…

I do the same thing, which I think I’ve told you before. I have scars all over my left wrist from cutting myself. Like Digital, I did stop. For about 6 months, and now I’m back doing it. I don’t know why you cut yourself…I do it so I feel something besides the emptiness inside. ANY feeling is good in that state, even if it’s pain.

Like you, I never told my parents how bad I was recently. My mother was off in Pennsylvania, dealing with her father almost dying, and the implications of that meaning her mother would ahve to go into a nursing home. They had enough to worry about without me. Trust me, hon…they love you and WANT TO KNOW. Even if they may not know how to react.

I know talking to strangers can be very hard. I can’t talk to damn near anyone, even my friends, or my family. But you have to get help somehow. If your medication is not helping you, talk to your doctor and get it switched. Find someone you CAN trust to talk to, and know it may not be the first person you go to.

I’m kinda rambling now, so I’ll end. And I feel kinda hypocritical, since I can’t force myself to go see someone either. But if you want to talk, my email and IM names are in my profile, and you know I’m in chat almost every night. PLEASE talk to someone, hon.

  • Amy
19

Depression is not a good thing.

Depression is curable.

Depression has many aspects, of which a deadness of feelings is one. Sometimes, there are attendant disorders which accompany it.

There are currently something like 14 different antidepressants out on the market many of which can be used in conjunction with each other. Nearly all have side effects, but most go away within a few weeks and not everyone gets them.

Any good psychiatrist or psychologist will take time to get to know you. Psychiatry is a custom field. If you dislike the one you have, you change to another. They understand that. You have a major hand in your therapy. You can accept or deny or change medications.

Sometimes, if you are shy, write out your thoughts and when you meet with the therapist, give him or her a copy and work off of the sheets.

One of the hardest things to do when depressed is to get therapy because the illness makes you inclined not to go. It will generate excuses not to go as fast as you find reasons to attend. Depressives have the greatest no-show record in therapy – they miss sessions.

Medication helps. If one doesn’t do the job, then you can be changed to others. A combination of therapy and medication helps even more. Depression can be an inherited trait. If you have a relation in your family who suffered from ‘melancholy’ or depressive episodes, then that might be where you got it from. It still can be cured.

The sooner you get help, the faster you can cure it. If you delay for years, then the mind gets set in it’s ways and you have to work harder to get well because the brain, once it learns something, resists change.

Depression is fast becoming the number 1 emotional illness in the US. You are certainly not alone.

Go get help, Welfy. Force yourself to do so. You’ll be very glad you did later on. Go to depression websites and learn about the various effects of depression and you’ll probably find many fit you.

20

I think most people who have been around for a while know that I do this too, starting back when I was in jr high or around then.
If you need to talk to someone, my email address is opalcat@opalcat.com and if you write to me I’ll give you my phone number, you can call me collect any time.