Tell me what I should do...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

It has come to a point where I really can not live with my parents anymore. They are constantly on my back and my cutting is getting worse, to the point where I am starting to worry. I’m not crazy, but they want to cimmit me, or better, send me to juvenile hall for not listening to every little thing they say. So for assorted reasons I have to get out. There are a few ways that I can think of to do this. My friends and I camped out in the law section of Borders tonight looking for ideas. Here is what we came up with.
1 - Marry Natan. He is 19 and could therefore take custody of me and I could live in his dorm at college, go to school in Sarasota and get a job. At age 16 you do not need parental consent to marry, so we could actually pull this off. In August when my boyfriend turns 18, I can divorce my friend and marry him. We can get an apartment, etc, while we both go through school. The drawback here is that I would have to leave all my friends, as well as not see my boyfriend at all until August, at which point I am scared that getting married would completely fuck up our relationship.

2 - Get myself Baker Acted. Make superficial cuts over my wrist, deep enough that they bleed, but not deep enough to kill me. Make it look like I was really trying to kill myself, but was too stupid to realize that you are supposed to cut down. Call the cops or the hospital and tell them that you slit your wrists. If you then proceed to tell them that you will kill yourself if you are returned to your parents, they legally can not return you. Then they put you in a mental facility for a 3 day evaluation and after that you may even not be returned. If I was able to prove emotional abuse by my mother she could lose custody of me. My friend Paule did this and she now lives with her aunt and uncle and is completely sane and happy, so I know that it’s effective.
I know that both these ideas are rather drastic, but this is what it has come to…Nothing else has worked, and these would get me away from my parents. After that all my other problems will solve themselves. Small protests would only get my parents more pissed off and make them tighten up on me. Whatever I do, it will have to be something big.

2

Jess, I have to tell you again, and I hate to say this, but you’re a nut. I guess this seems screwy, but your mother at least has always been heinous and your dad seems to be turning into your mother. Just don’t forget to keep in touch with me. I love you Jess. :::hug:::

3

Before you hauled off and did something dangerous - I can’t believe you are even entertaining the idea of slitting your wrists :eek: - would you consider talking to a family relative to try to move in with them?

Cripes, this is not some rational thought here. Talk to a family friend or get a counselor’s help. Get some other options!

Tripler

4

Let your parents commit you. Better yet, commit yourself. Mental hospitals are not as bad/scary/boring/whatever as you think they are. And you might even get some help with your cutting habits.

5

hyper, I’m not sure what to say. Tripler has a point… there are probably other options that you might not be able to see when you are upset.

I hope things get better for you.

6

hypergirl, you are really scaring me, hon. Please, I implore you, do NONE of the above! It’s all just far too dangerous and you could end up very seriously hurt.

I am not a professional and I have no personal experience with this sort of thing, but I would highly recommend that you talk to your guidance counsellor at school. Tell him or her what is going on at home and how it is affecting you (causing you to cut yourself - be honest!). Ask if either they, or the school nurse, can get you an appointment with a licensed mental health professional - not because you are crazy, but because it can a) provide you with an outlet to express your emotions, b) provide you with documentation should you ever need it in the event of trying to free yourself from your mother’s custody, and c) teach you coping skills to deal with the abuse besides harming yourself!

There must be some sort of free clinic or mental health facility where you can go talk to someone at no expense to yourself. Even try your local YMCA or YWCA and see if they have a program where they offer referrals. Or for heaven’s sake, talk to a clergyperson. You don’t have to believe in G-d, or even be a member of a specific church to walk in anywhere and ask for help. I can’t imagine them turning their back on you.

Certainly there are other, better options than the ones you’ve outlined above!

Take very good care of yourself, sweetie. Be kind to yourself - you deserve it! And please let us know how you’re doing, ok?!!

7

Well… personally I don’t know what to say or do. I do not think either idea would be good to play with. The first is rather weird and might not actually work because there is the chance your parents could get him arrested for statutory rape. (I don’t know the laws where you are but I can see that happening… even if you are legally married)

As to the second I don’t think thats a very good idea either but then I’m a wuss for pain and even though I have considered suicide I never got beyond the feeling I should do it stage. (I know your not saying you will actually do it but still…)

If it truly is that bad I think you could just call the police and tell them about the abuse (or a social worker). In the end its up to you but that’s what I would do.

8

Thank you D. . . hyper I don’t want to preach here, but there has to be other options. Go anywhere you feel comfortable. Something like this just won’t be solved with a major stunt. . . Please talk to someone, whether family, friend, or counselor. . .

Tripler

9

listen to Silverfire!!! she is Wise!!! (and gorgeous to boot)

but seriously, I’ve though about committing myself A LOT in the past couple weeks due to VERY mild Schizophrenia (I have a REALLY hard time keeping concentrated, and my ideas and thoughts are REALLY flighty)

I can say though, thankfully, I have never taken to cutting myself. I HAVE, however, self-mutilated on accident, I punched something hard, and scraped my hands on accident.

anyhow, I can’t say much more, than listen to the oracles (Shayna and Silver Fire). for they are more wise than I ever will be.

thanks in advance :slight_smile: (P.S. you are too smart to do anything drastic.)

10
  1. It needs to be said more than it has been (through nobody’s fault, I’m just in a weird mood):

Jess, you are not crazy. The environment you’re in at home, however (from what I have heard of it), is detrimental to your mental health.

I would strongly recommend going and seeing about living with a relative for a while.

  1. Marrying Natan . . . is that really fair to either of you?

  2. Baker Acted . . . do you really want to sever ties with your parents legally? Is there precedent to allow you to unsever them ITF?

I think right now you need to just think and relax. Marriage is not always the best option, and I think you also need to consider the ramifications, whatever they may be, of marrying Natan. I don’t know him, but I don’t think you can assume your parents wouldn’t come after him something fierce for doing that.

11

{{{Hypergirl}}}

Listen to Silver Fire. That may be your best bet. Probably is, actually. But just in case, there are less harmful options open to you. I don’t know about where you are, but in Oklahoma, minors can go before a judge and have themselves declared an Emancipated Adult. A young friend of ours did this when she was 16 because of the hellish emotional ( and sometimes physical ) abuse she got from her mother. One of the requirements was having a job if you weren’t in school. Amanda’s was only part time but it counted because we told the judge she would be living with us so she didn’t have to provide herself with food and shelter. It might be worth looking into, especially if you have sane relatives you could live with.

Getting married also makes you an Emanciapted Adult, but that seems a little drastic. I did see a case locally (no site available) where a teen in a similiar situation did this and had the unconsumated union annulled 90 days later, making her an EA without involving juvi court.

I still think Silver Fire has the best advice, though.

12

And here I was, all prepared to get disagreed with. And stuff.

Re: Cutting. It doesn’t really make you feel better, you just think it does. (Group therapy in a treatment facility will help you understand this.) It’s emotionally damaging. Cutting yourself, while you think it’s “helping” is only making you mentally worse than you were before you started cutting. You probably don’t realize it (I didn’t), but cutting is harmful on way more than a physical level. And you probably won’t realize it for years. But when you finally figure it out, be prepared for a huge fall. It’s really hard to come to terms with the fact that “Oh my God, I did this to my body!”. At least it was for me. And now I wear sweatshirts all the time. It’s still really hard on me.

Like I said, mental hospitals are not as whatever as you think they are. They are filled with people very similar to yourself, so you’ll get the whole “Hey, I’m not alone” feeling. The staff members there are very helpful and understanding. And the therapy sessions, especially the GROUP therapy sessions, will help a lot. You’ll learn how to deal with your emotions in a safer way, like cutting or tearing strips of paper, or converting your emotional energy into a hobby or talent you have. You’ll learn out to understand your emotions better, which will help you understand WHY you decide to cut yourself when you do. If you have any questions at all, you can email me. xxsilverfirexx@hotmail.com You need to keep in mind that what I tell you is based on my own experiences and not all treatment facilities are the same. I’m pretty sure they aren’t much different though.

Take care,
Sarah

13

Another vote to listen to Silver Fire. Honestly, sweetie, neither of your ideas sound very good to me and, frankly, worry me. You want help but are not thinking very clearly right now, and I think she has the best suggestion–which comes from experience similar to yours. Don’t damage yourself any further, please, please, PLEASE.

14

Okay all that aside, I feel very strongly about issues like this. And I’m worried about you and your family. You would not believe the hell I put my family through because of my problems. My mom was never sure if she’d go in my room only to find my dead body. She’d check my pulse in the middle of the night to make sure I was still alive. She tried so hard to make me see that I was scaring the shit out of her, but her efforts only pissed me off. I denied treatment and, technically, she could have forced me to go. But she didn’t. As scared as she was of losing me to suicide, she wouldn’t put me through treatment if my heart wasn’t in it. Why? Because unless you’re really passionate about therapy and you really want it to help you, it won’t.

Please at least consider family therapy or something. If you don’t commit yourself, will you at least attend individual therapy sessions?

15

Hyper, count backwards from one million.

Then act.

Do not marry, do not burn your bridges, do not harm yourself!

'Nuf said!

16

I just want to say one more thing. (Okay, probably not just one more thing…) Anyway, after treatment and everything I felt a lot better. And I started to communicate with my family instead of getting pissed off all the time. I learned how to explain how I was feeling, instead of showing them through violence or swearing/shouting. Treatment was a big step for me, and I still have a long way to go. Without the therapy that I received, I’d have a lot longer. Please, please, please take my word for it. This is a good idea, this will help you, this will help your family. This will make your life a better, happier life to live. Please consider this.

17

I suggest you get some help. I don’t mean that in a snotty, facetious way… I mean really get some help. I don’t know your whole family situation, but going by what I can remember the options you present are not even CLOSE to reasonable responses. Being a teenager sucks. When I was going through my “bad” phase I cut my arm to shit (though I still say it was just because I liked to see it bleed, not for typical “cutter” reasons) and thought about suicide every day for about two years… I thought about running away, being a bum… I couldn’t talk to my mother without getting into an argument… I didn’t do any school work because I didn’t really plan to live much past graduation. Now I’ve grown up a little, can see where my parents were coming from, (my mom still did make some bad calls, but I know that she really was trying to look out for me) like where I am and love where I’m headed. Don’t do anything stupid that you’ll regret later. The options you present here both definitely fall under the heading of “stupid.” I suggest you either do as I did and stick it out until you move out legitimately and can get your bearings, or, if you’re more touchy-feely than I am, (I refused any kind of therapy) see some kind of specialist.

18

I realized I’m probably going to get hated on this board because of this but this is just my opinion on what you should do. GROW UP. At 16 you do not know everything. I was just down that road a few years ago hating my parents for every little thing they did to me and told me to do. I was ready to do something drastic to get out and just live my life the way I wanted to. Then I realized something. My parents have been alive longer than I have therefore they have more knowledge of problems dealing with real life. I started to think about where they were coming from with the things that they said to me and it made sense. I’ve read alot of your other posts dealing with the problems you’ve had and I sympathize with you I really do, but you have to understand your parents do love you and just want what is best for you. Why in the hell would you want to do something like that to your parents? Are you that selfish? Does everything have to be about you and what you want? Grow Up kid

19

Well, tiki if you are going to be hated, I don’t think you should go into the flames alone. I’ll back you up. Not that it’ll do much good.

Grow up is about the best advice possible. The current options presented are both childish ways to avoid dealing with the situation. Best find a mature way of dealing with the issues. Counselling would be a good place to start, as a counsellor might be able to give you some healthy alternatives to slicing yourself and threatening suicide.

**

Do you, in all seriousness, actually believe this? Really? I hope not, because you are in for a sad awakening.

20

Dear child, it’s obvious that you haven’t spent much time in a suicide ward. As someone who had a close family member there, let me tell you what you will face.

First, you will be put in a suicide watch. And I mean WATCH – every minute of the day. There may be a camera in your room. At the very least you will not be allowed to close the door, even to get dressed or go to the toilet.

Next, you will be evaluated and monitored and counseled and therapied. You will not be left alone to sort out your problems. The evaluation will try to determine whether you represent a continuing threat to yourself or others.

If they decide you are a continuing threat, then you may be kept in that place for a lot longer than three days. After all, you have already tried to harm yourself.

If they decide you aren’t a continuing threat, then you will be returned to your home. Your parents will be instructed to keep you on a suicide watch for months. They will be told to take the locks off your bedroom door, and not let you lock the door when you’re in the bathroom. They will be instructed to make sure you are never alone. They will be told not to let you visit friends unless there is an adult present, or to go unsupervised to the movie or the mall. They will be told to drop you off at the front door of your school and pick you up there at dismissal. Obviously the school admininstration will have to be told to take the same type of precautions, so your teachers also will know what’s up.

Your family will be advised to put you in individual therapy and family counseling, and you’ll probably start out going several times a week. You will most likely be prescribed anti-depressants.

If, somehow, you manage not to be returned to your home, you will wind up in foster care, or with relatives like your friend, and they will be told all the same things.

And should you rebel against ANY of this, it will be evidence that you again represent a threat to yourself, and can lead to you being committed again (this time completely against your will.)

Now, would you like to know what can happen to you in a bad marriage?