FWIW - the instance w/ my son is less significant - and seems like less of an intrusion to us - than the one with SIL. I’m not sure son ever suggested that we pay for him and his wife. They could easily afford it themselves.
And in fact, being an “expert” as an adult superfan with no kids has a high likelihood of not being compatible with the needs and joy of a party of 8 with two young children.
Obviously all families are different, but as an adult I would never consider inviting myself on a trip if I heard my mom was planning a vacation with my sister and her children.
I think that either one of the following:
- “We want to do this to spend time focused on grandkids without having to coordinate any other plans, sorry.”
- “If you wanted to go while we’re there, we could make plans to all be together at the park for four hours on X date plus dinner, but aside from that we want to spend the vacation focused on our grandkids.”
… are both incredibly appropriate and polite responses to an impolite imposition.
Your SIL is way out of line. In that case a communication that “hey, this is our vacation that we’ve planned with daughter and grandkids. We love you, but we will not be coordinating or planning any activities with you. Sorry if that feels bad, but you should have checked with us before making an assumption and booking your vacation to align with ours.” … is also totally appropriate. It all depends on how comfortable you are with setting those boundaries with her and whether the potential fallout feels worth it. But the issue here is totally hers, not yours.
My wife’s sister was that type of person. And always had to be in charge. “Now everyone, we’re all going to…” For various reasons, we are no longer on speaking terms..
Even my wife’s sister never went quite that far. But why let them horn in? Sorry, It’s aready booked now. Just Say No.
Ooh, can I come?!?
mmm
Yeah. Maybe you’re a little too talky about your plans.
But now it’s done you may have to just bite your lip with SIL. You’ve been around them before. It should be clear how they are.
Your Son and kids. That’s hard. I assume you are prepared to do some babysitting at Disney.
Don’t go. If it bothers you so much.
No I have never encountered this or invited myself along.
ETA…maybe you just have a welcoming countenance.
It is an easy drive from Chicago. She asked us about the place we went last year, as we enjoyed it so much. And asked when we were going. We didn’t say, “Just don’t go at the same time.”
Lotta people in this thread are advocating lying or pussy footing. Or suffering in silence. Those are all losing ways to play at long term relationships.
You have as much right to stand up for your interests as they do to stand up for theirs. They will, probably mostly inadvertently, run roughshod over your interests until you tell them in plain English what your interests are. They can’t be politely considerate of topics you keep a secret.