Last weekend I planned my super-fantastic, sanity-rebuilding January vacation to San Diego. Choice of location was easily agreed upon by my fellow traveller and I because San Diego is now the happy home of my best friend who attends law school there. We get to visit her, rent an awesome car, and stay at a sweet resort all in the same vacation. Go me! This morning my first memorable thought was, “only 60 days until I leave”. I just checked my e-mail to find this…
“I felt bad for Gabs having to work in siberia for an unknown amount of time during a siberian winter…so I invited her to our trip. The good thing is that it reduces the cost of our trip. She put in for some vacation time already. Hope this doesn’t make you mad or anything”.
No, I’m definitely not mad. I am pissed off beyond belief. #1 I don’t like Gabs. I haven’t seen her in years. Why would I want her on my super-fantastic vay-cay? #2 If I wanted to reduce the cost of my trip, I wouldn’t have picked the car, hotel, flights, whatever that I did pick. #3 Gabs makes about 100K/year, she can plan her OWN damn vacation outside of Siberia whenever she wants. I saved all my spare pennies to afford this kick-ass vacation - I don’t want to figure a new person’s opinions into every choice made on the vacation, nor do I want to share the bathroom among another person, cramp another person and their luggage into the room, etc. #4 Gabs is about the most unhappy, unhumorous, stick-in the-mud character I know.
So tell your friend that it was rude to invite another person without asking you, and that she better uninvite Gabs or the cost of the trip will be the same as it was before she invited Gabs.
Call your fellow traveler and tell him/her that you are not okay with this and that they are going to have to uninvite her. It is absolutely uncouth for someone to do that. I’d be ragingly with the fire of a million suns if I were you. Your fellow traveler made the mistake, let them be the one to have to clean up the mess. There is no reason for you to have to do this. Life is short and it is your vacation. If this woman comes along it won’t really be a vacation. Do yourself a favor. Be a bitch now and reap the rewards later.
I really am leaning in this direction as this isn’t the first time the travelling companion has screwed me over. I just don’t want her all pouty for 5 days either.
Personally I would be extremely lonely on a vacation by myself.
But yeah, if a friend invited someone I don’t like (does your friend know that you don’t like Gabs?) without asking me, I would be pissed. Vacations are important to me and I want them to have the biggest possible chance of being great - and a person I don’t like would ruin it for me, even if I ignored them on the trip.
I second everyone who told you to tell her to ditch Gabs. Yes, ditch her. She’ll ruin your trip.
I have also always wanted to go on vacation alone. I am by nature solitary, I don’t mind sharing the world with my SO but sometimes I like to be alone too.
Aside from throwing another ditto at Ghanima, I just want to say that vacationing alone kicks ass. First time I travelled abroad, I spent a week in London. Alone. I went five days without having to have a conversation that was more involved than asking someone which funny looking coins I needed to give them to buy a sandwich. Absolute fucking bliss.
The whole vacation, its all about what you want to do. You don’t want to get dragged to the spoon museum? You don’t have to go! You do want to go to the spoon museum? You don’t have to badger your travelling companions into going! No arguments about which restaurant to go to, which show to see, which shops to visit. Total self-indulgence. Plus, when you get back, you can make up all sorts of crazy shit about what you did, and there’s no one to gainsay a word of it.
Tell your traveling companion that you hope she and Gabs have a lovely time together, but you’ve decided to set out on your own.
I had something similar that would have ruined the vacation, only it was a dog. They weren’t going to tell me until we were ready to go. The places we were going for seven days didn’t allow any pets. Museums and other entertainment establishments. I went myself and they stayed home. I had fun that I couldn’t have had with them. It’s well worth standing up for your right to have fun.
“I am sorry, but I was not intending for the vacation to include any person other than you. Since you seem to want to include “X”, you may go ahead and plan a vacation with her in my place. I will be vacationing alone this year.”
If she pushes, " I am sorry, but I do not wish to spend time with “X” as she and I are simply not compatable. I will not have a pleasant vacation ruined by any problems that might arise between us."
If she still pushes " Sod off. Make your own damned plans and leave me out of them." [only slightly facetious…]
Friends A and B planned a trip. Unbeknownst to Friend A, Friend B invited Pain in the Ass C, with whom Friend A is not interested in vacationing with.
Friend A is also spending money on this trip, saving her pennies, and is quite entitled to enjoy her trip. Friend B changed the dynamics of the trip without consulting Friend A, therefore Friend A is justified in backing out.
It’s very easy. Just tell her you don’t enjoy Gabs’ company, that this is the second time she’s invited someone along without asking you, and that this isn’t how you want to spend your hard-earned money.
Bowing out of something because someone else is rude is not being a crybaby. It’s knowing what you want, how you want it, and being able to enjoy how you spend your money.
If Person B really thinks you’re a crybaby for changing the plan again after they already changed it once on you, then they’re really not the kind of person it’s worth hanging out with.
It’s like this: Person B changed the whole plan without bothering to consult Person A. Person A then is perfectly justified in either insisting the change be undone or changing the plan again by going it alone. It’s not being a crybaby, it’s just not letting someone else dictate your entertainment.
I’ll put in a plug for vacationing alone too - I’ve done it several times and loved it. Sometimes it’s great to have someone to share vacations with, but it can be incredibly revitalizing spending an entire vacation doing precisely what you want and only precisely what you want - without regard to another person’s whims.