“I’m not sure how to say this without coming off as a total bitch, but I’d really prefer if Gabriela did not come along on the vacation. If you feel like she needs to come, I guess she still can, but I think I’ll be flying out and staying by myself. We can grab dinner out there together or something.
The trip is my opportunity to unwind and hang out with you and Sarah. I don’t see Gabby fitting in to that plan well. If this is about money, we can negotiate that as well, without having her come along. Oh, and next time, prior consultation would be greatly appreciated.
Let me know.”
kanicbird, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m getting the impression that you’re really asking “How can Person A do this without getting called a crybaby by person B?”
<shrug> Depends on who you hang out with - if Person B is the kind of person who screws you over by taking the mutually-agreed upon situation (in this case, a vacation), changing it to suit their whim, and then calls you a crybaby when you call them on their bad behavior, then no amount of negotiation, diplomacy, or anything except giving in completely, putting all your wants, plans, and desires aside is going to change that.
Short answer to the question I outlined above: Hang out with better friends, that don’t do that sort of thing. Like Aangelica said.
Longer answer: So what? Who cares if you get called a crybaby? Either accept the fact that Person B is being immature and selfish, trying to make her bad behavior your problem and refuse to accept her attempted “guilt trip” on you, or just suck it up, have a crappy time and do everything her way, and go ahead and be a doormat all the time, just to keep from being called a crybaby. Person B does that sort of thing because it works - being the Doormat for Person B continues this behavior; it never stops it.
ON preview, good on you, TwoOnSunday! Looks like a great way to handle it.
That sounds good to me TwoOnSunday. I don’t see any bitchy in it at all. It states your position and gives her an option. That’s what I call a mature response and reasonable request on your part.
TwoOnSunday has no control over how her friend reacts. That’s her friend’s choice. She can’t go through life being afraid of how other people will take things. No one can.
IMHO, Two, you were a bit too nice. There’s no need to apologize or waffle, you were wronged and you have every right to be irked.
I’ve traveled alone and I love it. I guess I’m something of a solitary person, which helps. I’m the person you’ll see eating alone in a restaurant, going to the movies alone, etc. Doesn’t bother me in the least. Traveling alone, for me, is highly liberating - I can do what I want, when I want, without having to compromise with anyone else.
I will admit that there have been times when I’ve wished… gee, would be nice if there were someone here to yak to, but overall, it’s enjoyable for me. YMMV.
“I’m sorry. I was just being polite, because I know her job is stressful too. But I’ll tell her not to come. It’s not a big deal, for her not to come. How goes everything else?”
Polite is offering to file something for a co-worker. Polite is saying thank you when she hands you something. Polite is holding a door open for someone. Asking someone to accompany you and a friend on a trip when you have not consulted friend is definitely not polite.
Let it go, don’t stew over it. You said no, she agreed, now go plan your trip.
I thought we already established that this chick wouldn’t be polite if it bit her in the ass. Her perception of your level of politeness has no correlation with your actual level of politeness. As others have said, you were quite polite and restrained in your response to her.
Actually, I thought the response was very neutral and problem-solving. I didn’t see any implied message in it at all, other than that she had gotten your message. I think it would be best to just drop the subject now that it’s taken care of.
