No. He said pool.
DW can be or is guaranteed to be overwhelming for novice visitors. Accept the offer of your son let him provide his expert insight for the benefit of the grands and you’ll benefit from knowing the location of the shadiest benches where one can sit and people watch while the rest wear themselves out running to and fro.
I think the Country Bear Jamboree might be your calling Dins
Yeah, the whole premise of the OP seems strange to me. Going to the happiest place on Earth with a bunch of family isn’t supposed to be a drag or a chore. And if you find it so, maybe like, don’t go?
Most of the time, any big vacation or trip that involves more than my immediate family involves a wedding or bar mitzvah or something. Maybe spring break or college road trips when I was younger would involve more than 4 or 5 people.
Generally a group of 5 people is the standard “unit” of a vacation. 2 parents and 1-3 kids. Two couples. 5 dudes/girls looking to go out and blow of steam. Whatever. Basically the largest number of people that can fit in a taxicab. Or two pairs of people who can ride a roller coaster together (maybe with one extra person who is fine sitting out and watching because they get sick all the time).
Like when my friend got married in Orlando years ago, we didn’t have 30+ people roaming around Tomorrowland in a big herd waiting to get on Space Mountain together. We all sort of split off into little groups.
Usually there are some “anchor” events (like the wedding reception, a big dinner, or everyone plans to kick off the night at some specific spot) where everyone all meets up and shares stories and whatnot.
I mean, if son and DIL do choose to sync up their own Disney visit with OP’s, there’s nothing wrong with letting them be grandkids’ tour guides for part of one day to see how it goes, with OP and other adults doing their peaceful relaxing.
If the grandkids have an absolute blast and want more full Dizgeek experience with their uncle and aunt, well, win-win? On the one hand it cuts down on your grandparent time with them, but on the other, they’re having an absolute blast, so go with it.
If the grandkids do NOT enjoy their experimental full-Dizgeek outing, well, it was worth a shot. Thank son and DIL and politely explain that you’ll be reverting to your original more laid-back vacation plans. (Adults who have just spent a few hours supervising the entertainment of kids who are NOT enjoying themselves tend to have decreased enthusiasm for continuing in that role anyway.)
I gotta say, we visited Disney Land when my kids were little, and my brother was a huge help, taking the kids to the rides party of the time so we didn’t spend all our time waiting on line or listening to “it’s a small world”. (That’s actually a terrific ride for little kids. It has massive thru put, so you barely wait in line. And my kids adored it. But there was only so much of it that i could take.)
I also went to an actuarial event there once and coordinated with another family that was much more up on Disney than we were. 8 is too many to all hang out together, but the adults traded off accompanying 2 or 4 kids at a time, and that, also, was great.
I’d seriously consider taking your brother up on his offer to help.
This is probably totally off-base, saying more about my family than yours, but the whole set up pinged by ‘your children are competing for ‘most favored’ status for them/their own children’ spidey-sense.
G’parents are footing the bill for HIS children to have this great experience? Then they damn well owe the same fun to MY kids!
G’parents want to spend bonging time with HIS children? Why not with MY kids?
Is this the start of some evil scheme? Are they planning to leave their inheritance to mostly HIS children? He always got the better Christmas/Birthday/whatever present, it’s not FAIR!
And on and on. But, as I said, that comes out of my family background, with tons of rivalries and perceived favoritisms and ‘history.’ Your situation is no doubt way different.
Say, Piss Off, you Wanker and smile sweetly.
Nobody is going to invite themselves to my vacation. I worked too many hours and spent 7 months saving money for that vacation.
I did invite my parents to a vacation in Nashville. That was planned from the beginning. I knew they wanted to see the Country Music Hall of Fame and Grand Ole Opry.
They would have never asked, at the last minute to go with us.
I think your spidey sense was imperfectly calibrated? The OP has made it clear that his son and DIL don’t have kids: his daughter’s children, that he’s taking to Disney, are his only grandchildren.
And ISTM that Ockham’s razor suggests that the behavior of the OP’s son and DIL, rather than being driven by a toxic mix of sibling-rivalry jealousy and greed, can be more easily explained as the enthusiasm of somewhat obsessive hobbyists delighted to spread the joy of their obsession to beloved family members. A benign and laudable impulse, but that doesn’t mean the family members have to go along with it if they wouldn’t enjoy it.
And as for the other vacation to Wisconsin in August, with a local SIL planning to tag along and direct operations: Cordial inertia can accomplish a lot in the way of politely declining to be bossed around or constantly negotiate plans.
Just keep deflecting and derailing those early-morning “So what are the plans for today?” texts. “Oh good afternoon, sorry, we were sleeping late!” “Eh we’re not making plans today, Spouse Is waiting on a call from So-and-so.” “Grandchild might be feeling not so great, we’re gonna play it by ear.”
Again, though, if SIL really wants to schedule some activities with or for your grandkids, you might let her try it once. Who knows, maybe minigolf or whatever with great-aunt whom they seldom see will turn out to be a highlight of the kids’ vacation.
That’s just not how it is anymore though. I agree with robby that you can’t “just go to Disney” and have anything close to a good time today. Without a bunch of pre-planning and acquiring some fastpasses (or whatever they’re calling them now), you’ll spend the entire day in standby lines waiting for just one or two rides.
That said, your son should still be able to help you make the most of the visit without also being there with you. Try to avail yourself of his knowledge, and if he’ll only help if he can tag along, that’ll clarify his motives.
Me, personally, once I was this far down the whole, and needed to disengage, would say that “The itinerary is set. We consulted a lot of resources, and it’s optimized for our group that is already going. We don’t want to change it, as it includes everything we want to see. If we change it, we’ll worry about not doing something one of the kids picked, and they’ll be upset.”
And then stand firm.
Or if that’s not true, or they might argue about “optimized”, “thanks, but our itinerary is set. We already spent a lot of time picking it, it’s going to be good enough, and we don’t have the energy to consider changes at this point. Thanks, but no thanks.”
But consider if the Disney expect might actually be helpful.
The other side of this is that with a 5 and a 10 year old, there’s a reasonable chance you’re going to face an exhausted/melting down/overstimulated/wants to meet Mickey/just wants to hang out in the hotel pool child or two at some point in the trip. Non-parent maximizers who expect everyone to complete the Touring Plan as written who might get upset that no one is using the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train fastpasses that they reserved at midnight 60 days before the trip would be just another annoyance.
Don’t get me wrong - plans and fastpasses can get you a ton of extra experiences in the parks, but everyone has to be on board with it for it to work.
This is someone who gets it.
And not just the kids. My wife and I have plenty of ability to spend even more money than we already are if we were the type of persons who wanted to go to every ride, etc. But we are not those types of people. I intend to spend time with my kids and grandkids when their interests/moods and mine mesh, and spending time elsewhere when they don’t. I don’t need to be with the grandkids every single waking hour. If I want to sit in a nice spot and people watch, hang by one of the many pools, listen to some of the music being played, play mini-golf…, I don’t need/want someone to tell me what I’m missing, or how I am doing Disney “wrong.” Doesn’t mean I’ll be standing around frowning with my hands in my pockets. But feel free to mischaracterize things if you wish.
Also, as I’ve said before, if my son wants to come along to Disney, he is free to do so. I would consider that less of an issue than SIL choosing to go to a somewhat secluded location where our goal is to just hang with our kid and grandkids at the exact same time as us.
Yeah, I can see your son’s POV, even though I think you’re well within your rights to decide how and with whom you spend this vacation, but your SIL is just being inappropriate. That would really frustrate me.
@Dinsdale , I have nothing (much) to add to the discussion (except some commiseration for being related to people who don’t get it), BUT given your sister-in-law in particular I think you ought to dig up a copy of Ring Lardner’s short story “Mr. and Mrs. Fixit.”
The narrator is the husband half of a Chicago couple planning to vacation in Miami. He and his wife have friends who horn in on everything they do, among other bad habits. The narrator and his wife think they will have a wonderful time in FL while the friends are on their scheduled vacation in California, but…
at the last moment the friends change their plans to go to Miami, too, and on the same train.
The final line of the story is ”So that’s how we happened to come to Biloxi.”
Same with me if I went to any other amusement park– if my idea of fun were to take in some of the shows, play the games, and ride the smaller, less intense rides, I wouldn’t care for someone else telling me I’m not getting the most out of it if I don’t subject myself to rides that turn me upside down and put me through hellish loops, or worse, have hardly any restraint while you have to go through numerous sudden turns and flips, as Green Lantern First Flight did at Six Flags Magic Mountain.
Having visited Disney in 2014 with my 2 small kids, I can tell you that about 30 minutes into the trip, I realized it’s not like this. You really do need some sort of advisor or consultant to figure out which add-ons to purchase or how to strategize the visit, otherwise you’ll end up in a miserable cattle-class kind of experience, waiting in lines that are too long, bus rides that are too long, doing whatever doesn’t have lines instead of what you really hoped.
Very salient moment: We chose to save some money by staying at a farther-out hotel that was Disney-themed and connected to the Disney transport network. The time of day was inconvenient, the ride was crowded, hot, and insufferably long, the bus wait was painful. Half the people on that bus were groaning about it, while a bright & chipper voice on the intercom announced “If you’re like many of our patrons, you’re already thinking about how to make your next Disney experience even better!” Yeah, no fucking kidding. They know exactly what they’re doing.
So while in general I’d find it shocking for people to invite themselves along to a thing, in this case it sounds like it’s not because they’re rude, but because they know they can be helpful, and they’d enjoy doing it.
Not saying by any means that you have to consider the offer of the Disney-adult relatives. Just understand the full context of the spirit it’s being offered in, and take the hint that however well you think you’ve planned for Disney, you need to do more.
Whether intended or not, I find this quite amusing.
I think you underestimate the volume of advice available in books and on-line. My daughter knows her kids better than anyone and says she is on top of it. I am not intending to second guess her. Moreover, if I can NEVER be adequately prepared, that that would remain the case whether or not I asked my son’s advice, no? 
I do not intend to be a grumpy Gus throughout the trip. But the SOLE enjoyment I am seeking is seeing my grandkids enjoy themselves. If that means them splashing in a pool or me wearing out my plastic, I’m fine with that. No trip that requires the careful planning of an arctic expedition is anything I would seek for my own enjoyment.
Yeah, we tried that too, and it’s hard to make sense of it without some real-life context.
The goal is to spend time doing what you want, and less time in lines and transit, which is what can happen without full awareness of all the options and strategies. It’s weird that the Disney experience is like that, but it is.
Anyway, no skin off my nose if you want to DIY and take your chances. It didn’t go great for us. I’m just pointing out that this is likely not them being a butt-inski, but rather knowing they can probably share some valuable knowledge. Use it or don’t, your call.