How to Subscribe to an Electronic Newsletter

The BBQ Pit
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  1. After entering your email address into the website prompt, click on submit. If you don’t get a response IMMEDIATELY, be sure to hammer the “submit” button as many times as you can, as it may be sticky or something.

  2. You will want to make sure you subscribe every single one of your email addresses, except one (the reason for this holdout will become apparent). There’s no reason k00l_dude105@hotmail.com should get this newsletter and not k00ldude, kewldude, k00l_dude207, k00l_dewd, and all the k00l_dudes at yahoo.com shouldn’t.

  3. Remember - if your email address ends in ‘aol.com’, you MUST capitalize AOL. If your email address is from hotmail, the whole thing should be capitalized, such as ‘PONYLUV205@HOTMAIL.COM’ and if your email address is from yahoo, it should have randomly alternating caps and lowercase, such as ‘PoNYlUv205@yaHoo.coM’. Hotmail and yahoo also require that all email addresses have numbers at the end or in the middle of them.

  4. Don’t be fooled if the newsletter tells you it is sent out bimonthly. If you don’t get a new issue within 3 hours, you’ll probably need to subscribe again.

  5. THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART. When the new issue arrives in all of your mailboxes, send an outraged, angry letter to the list manager demanding that you be removed from the list you subscribed yourself to at once. You MUST send this email from the one email address you DIDN’T have the newsletter sent to so that it’s impossible to find the address(es) you want removed. When composing this letter, keep in mind your Constitutional right to never have to ever receive a single piece of email you don’t want, even if it’s a newsletter you subscribed yourself to.

  6. If, for some reason, you choose to remain subscribed to the newsletter and change your email address, be sure to send the address change notice from your new email account, with absolutely no reference to your old email address.

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Heh. I guess I’m lucky, I have nearly 1100 people on my newsletter list, and the worst I have received is an auto-bot reply saying one guy was out of town. :wink:

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Oh wow, this is MY LIFE at work lately. Because of course if you subscribe to an Electronic Newsletter, it is simply Foolhardy and Irresponsible of the institution in question (in this case me) to actually send you a newsletter.

My favorite one is from the guy who complained that he wouldn’t have signed up in the first place had it been made clear that we would be sending him a FORM LETTER. Hooo-kay, Mister, did you actually think I was going to sit down and write to you PERSONALLY every two weeks? “Dear Jack Ass, how are things with you and Mrs. Ass?”

Great rant, Legomancer .

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A few weeks ago I was cruising one of those sites that have cracked software and such–purely for research you understand–and it was booby trapped with hundreds of popups.

Well I am furiously closing all the XXX and whatever sites and I guess I accidently clicked on an all lesbian, all of the time site. Being the scientific sort I perused it a while and then went back to what I was doing before—research I believe.

Now every other day or so I receive an offer to suscribe to FREE LESBIAN E-ZINE. I’ve tried ignoring it hoping it will just get tired but now the “offers” are getting more graphic. Stuff like “lick me honey said one lesbo to the other” and “need a quick Lesbian fix?” and the ever popular “lusty Lezzie FREE tour with awsome Lesbo pics”

Sounds great huh? But there’s just one little problem. I am not a lesbian [sub][Jerry Seinfeld]Not that there’s anything wrong with it [/Jerry][/sub]Really. Honest. I can’t find one place in the entire ad to ask to be removed from the list so I guess I’ll just wait it out. I’m tempted to just go ahead and join the damn thing so I can unsuscribe. It seems to be the only way out.

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Are you Ray Owens from Joke a Day?

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A more ranty version:

What is so fucking difficult about the concept that if you want to be removed from the list, I need to know what email address is currently on the list? I am tired of having to chase down idiots that can’t follow simple goddamn directions. In the newsletter, it says, plain as day, include the email address below when making unsubscribe or address change requests, but still I get people saying “My new address is foo@bar.com, please change it.” FROM foo@bar.com.

I’m sorry if you have fifty different email addresses and can’t keep them all straight. But you know what? When I look at the Venn Diagram, that situation falls squarely into the region labeled “YOUR GODDAMN PROBLEM”.