Based on 17 years of married life, I think I can provide at least a partial answer to your question with two words:
Facials
Swallowing
I guess I’m lucky to have the girlfriend I do, but in my world there is nothing unrealistic about that. 
I’m glad to say I’m in the same boat … now.
Ever try to pick up a girl by putting your junk in a pizza box?
You might explain that if he gets to BAD porn, ie kiddie stuff, while he’s looking for porn, that could cause problems for mommy and daddy, whoever owns the computer. Legal problems, that is. That might remove it from the “sex is shameful” realm.
I agree with the posters who hold that telling the boy the desire to look at stuff like that is normal, but it’s not real world stuff.
I would have SO gotten my parents into a difficult situation. When I was 9 years old I had zero interest in ogling mature females. I wanted to ogle 9 year old girls.
Apparently you’ve never heard of “two girls one cup.” Or better yet, “Pornosaurus.”
What?! Don’t you know that that’s sick and evil? “But I’m nine–” NO EXCUSES. “I was bored. I was horny. She wanted it. I’m nine.” Pedophilia is a serious crime, young man, do you know how much trouble you’re in?
Oh I have. That falls under the category of “stuff that takes things to the extreme” which I mentioned in my post. But my point was that sort of thing is a minority of the total porn available on the 'net.
I’m with this. I mean nine is when you’re all giggly about sex. If he was a teen, it would be different. But most little kids don’t really understand about sex yet.
They know about it…but for them it’s something to giggle about and be " ewwww why’d anyone do that?"
I’ve looked at my share of porn on the internet, and i also use the web for my research and study and a whole bunch of other stuff. I literally cannot remember the last time a regular internet search took me to a porn site. I’m not saying it never happens, but i reckon i use the internet more than the average person, and it never happens to me in my day-to-day work and general browsing.
Ironically enough, about the only time when unwanted porn sites get in the way is on the occasions when i’ve tried to search for articles about the porn industry (work conditions, rates of pay, disease, exploitation, etc.). I worked out that you have to be a bit scientific about it: plugging “porn” into Google gets you nothing but tits and ass, but typing “pornography” gets you more mundane studies and definitions.
Let’s think about this
[ul]
[li]In porn, having sex with people you just met is normal. In real life, this is almost always accompanied by drama.[/li][li]In porn, having sex in public is spicy. In real life, this is almost always accompanied by drama, sometimes by getting arrested.[/li][li]In porn, having sex with people who have authority relationships (teacher, police officer, nurse, secretary) is a fun fantasy. In real life, someone is probably getting sued or fired.[/li][li]In porn, getting tested for STDs is a routine cost of doing business. In real life, it involves going to the doctor’s, giving blood, getting a physical examination, and a months-long waiting period between partners.[/li][li]In real life, if you didn’t get tested for STDs, you’ll be pausing the action to put on a condom.[/li][li]In porn, birth control is not considered. In real life, from a man’s perspective, he needs to either rely on his partner to maintain a steady level of artificial hormones in her body, or have surgery on his genitals to have reliable protection against child support. [/li][li]In porn, a “facial” is a cinematic device used to communicate the male orgasm. In real life, a lot of women don’t find this appealing.[/li][li]In porn, it is OK that the man’s orgasm is real, but the woman’s orgasm is fake. In real life, not so much.[/li][/ul]
I also think you dismiss the unrealistic appearance thing a bit hastily. In real life, if a gorgeous young woman is sleeping with a plain-looking man twice her age, it’s usually because he’s rich as hell. Not every young man will grow up to be Donald Trump.
Finally, I think the main lack of realism isn’t necessarily what is depicted in porn, but its instantly available nature. In real life, good sex comes from building a relationship with someone. It’s not a “click now for sexual satisfaction” type of thing.
Sex in porn is about as realistic as life in cartoons. In cartoons, falling off a cliff, getting blown up by dynamite, or getting sawed in half is all in a day’s work. That’s what I’d tell a 9 year old.
All of what Harriet the Spry said, plus - most porn revolves around a woman fulfilling a man’s fantasies. That’s fine, but I think it’s important for boys and girls to understand that women have fantasies and desires, too, and that it’s just as important for their wants and needs to be respected.
I have two boys and this is an issue my husband have discussed quite a bit (and my boys are little - 3 & 5). We’re very liberal and want our boys to understand that sex is an important, healthy part of life. We also want them to be respectful of whomever they choose to have sex with and to understand that that person has feelings and that it isn’t all about getting yours. And, we would like them to choose partners who are respectful, of themselves and our boys.
I think it’s important to make it clear that porn does not cover this part of sexuality. It’s fine (and can be fun) to look at it, but it needs to be understood that a huge part (one of the best parts, I think) of a relationship is not being depicted.
“The other kids bullied me into looking at internet porn at home.”
That may be the single least believable sentence ever spoken.
I would have the same talk my father had with me at that age:
“WHAT IS THIS DOING UNDER YOUR BED AND WHO THE HELL GAVE IT TO YOU?! I’LL JUST HOLD ONTO IT SO YOUR MOTHER DOESN’T FIND OUT!”
You consider that “liberal”? Interesting.
Well it’s unrealistic in the sense that when I’m working and the FedEx girl says she’s here to handle my package, she doesn’t expect me to drop my pants and go to town on her. (I know that now).
Also, my girlfriend doesn’t really ever throw on a nighty and ride a horse around or get with her hot friend in the stable and pour non-dairy creamer on each other.
Also for a lot of people on this board, it seems like any sex with any woman is pretty much unrealistic.
Google is better for this than some older search engines, or maybe this is less of a problem than it used to be.
[quote=“Harriet_the_Spry, post:32, topic:496291”]
[li]In porn, having sex in public is spicy. In real life, this is almost always accompanied by drama, sometimes by getting arrested.[/li][/QUOTE]
Plus, in porn when you have sex in public/outside, you never get sand up your butt crack, water up your vagina, or or ants in god knows where. You also don’t have to worry about “Ohmigod, can I orgasm, with that person see me?” and there’s no “Hurry up and come so we can get out of here and get this stupid experiment in bringing back our sex drives over with!” And no one gets rained or even minds if they do. In fact they probably like it.
At nine years old it’s pretty believable. I don’t think a nine year old is going to find much more use from the porn other that its shock value.
I would reinforce what has already been said, especially by Harriet the Spry - porn isn’t real. Women really don’t look like that (thank God) and don’t act like that, and neither do men. And mostly for that reason, sex is better in real life than that. “Let’s Pretend” is fine once in a while, but if you base your life on it, get used to failure.
The other thing I would gently suggest is not to make too big a deal about it (pace your ex-wife). It happens.
I have been in the same situation, although with a somewhat older son, and I didn’t put filters on my PC or anything. Curiosity is normal, as is a dare from your friends. As long as he doesn’t get the impression he is learning anything real from porn, I don’t think it is all that harmful.
YMMV, void where taxed or prohibited, professional driver on a closed course, past performance is no guarantee of future earnings, etc.
Regards,
Shodan
Really? You need to look for another girlfriend, then.
Anyway re: some of the above points, I didn’t mean to suggest the acting/“plot” situations in porn resembled reality… I don’t even consider that to be a factor. Most of the porn I look at doesn’t really have any acting at all, it just gets straight to the point.
I merely meant to imply some of the sex acts aren’t all that bizarre. There are women who don’t find facials appealing, but if you are with one who is open-minded enough it’s a very attainable fantasy.