More than two trailers.
Generally, in a bad movie, you know what will happen withing five minutes of the opening scenes. This is usually the case with sequels, or remakes, or 90% of what Hollyweird churns out. I mean, by the time “Rocky” is p to No. 3, you know what’s going to happen.
And James Rebhorn is the guy who is not James Cromwell.
Or, if there are five production companies, each with its own inventive animated logo thingie (Panting Man Hurt Shoulder Productions).
Heh. I remember Johnny Carson, during a monologue, complaining that he’d been standing in line to see Rocky V, and some idiot in line ruined it by telling him who wins the fight at the end 
If the movie is Christian in nature, it’s probably going to suck. This has little or nothing to do with the level of suckitude inherent in Christianity. It’s just that most movies that have an agenda other than being entertaining (whether it be funny, dramatic, thought-provoking, etc.) tend to suck, and Christianity tends to attract a particularly cloying and smarmy variant of that agenda-driven suckitude.
Any live-action or live-action/CGI movie based on either an animated property or a toy might end up a money maker, but as anything resembling a “good” movie, it’ll fail.
Same rule, extended to video games.
Or, to be more specific Uwe Boll was involved.
(Actually…I just wanted an excuse to link this guy’s wiki. He’s such a clown, that just a sober account of his life is far more entertaining than his films will ever be).
Anything Jaws with a number after it.
“Directed by Michael Bay; Screenplay by M. Night Shyamalan, Vaguely Based on a Book by Phillip K. Dick, Music by The Bay City Rollers, Starring Nicolas Cage, featuring a Very Special Performance by Whoopi Goldberg in white face portraying Sarah Palin.”
Damn, I think I’d actually go see that.
Any movie where the lead actor says he did it so he could be in something his kids could watch.
One of the Harry Potter actors gave that as the reason they did the movie.
And James Cromwell is the guy whose head was not displayed on a pole outside of Westminster Hall until 1685.
Really, an understandable mistake to make.
Unrated DVDs are generally a bad sign, in that most of them are made for purely mercenary reasons: They filmed a version of Naked Came The Bad Film with scenes they knew would cause the MPAA to slap a No Cash NC-17 on the film, they remove the scenes to create the film they always knew they’d release in theaters under an R for Respectable rating, and put the scenes back in for the Unrated and Goyish DVD. If the film was made for that, it isn’t worth seeing in any form. Just once… just once I’d like to see the MPAA give an R to the DVD-only version, and be an intern on the wall when the producers find out.
I can’t think of a modern film that got an Unrated DVD for respectable reasons, especially given that Artistic Porn went the way of the Leisure Suit and the Progressive Republican.
Any film with a single capital-M Message is bound to be bad: Those who disagree with it will never like it, and those who agree with the Message will hate the film’s facile and simplistic treatment of it. Because if it wasn’t facile and simplistic, it wasn’t a film; it was an essay with a video portion.
Basically, 90% of what Hollywood makes is targeted to a 14 year old audience-simplistic plots, stereotyped characters, simple stories with obvious endings. Throw in lots of explosions, car crashes, and Donny Wahlburg, and you have it. But people are balking at paying $12.00 to see such crap, so maybe something might change.
Sadly, what will change is that what has worked in the past will just get distilled, condensed, intensified, and repackaged. Hollywood is exceptionally good at “bottling lightning,” they’re normally quite poor at panning for gold.
Any movie based on a ride at a theme park. Or based on a board game.
My wife’s friends at work told her it was good.
Sandra Bullock is in it.
If the TV ads glom immediately onto the the song that is the flavor of the month. It’s usually Comedies that do this.
Today’s Exhibit A: Meet The Millers and “Blurred Lines”.