How would you answer this email?

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

Hi there,

A few questions:

1.) What are DVDs shipped in? I just bought Harry Crews: Survival Is Triumph Enough and was wondering if it had an official DVD case or if it came in a paper sleeve.

2.) What is the usual timeframe between me ordering a DVD to me having it in my hands?

3.) Are you a female? If no, please see question 4. If yes, please see question 5.

4.) Hey, man. What’s up? I like that shirt you’re wearing.

5.) Are you good looking? If no, please answer my questions and get back to work. IndieFlix isn’t paying you to waste company time. If yes, please see question 6.

6.) Are you over the age of 18 and under the age of 27? If no, please see question 7. If yes, please see question 8.

7.) Are you single? If no, please see question 9. If yes, please see question 10.

8.) Are you single? If no, please see question 9. If yes, please see question 10.

9.) Got a daughter that meets all of the above criteria? If no, please see question 11. If yes, please see question 12.

10.) Dinner at 7? If no, please answer my questions and stop leading me on. If yes, please mear a small, slinky black dress and wear your heels. You know which ones I’m talking about.

11.) Please answer my questions and get back to work. IndieFlix isn’t paying you to flirt with customers.

12.) I’ll pick her up at 7. Don’t wait up.

Thanks,

[Freaky Pervert]

#2

The writer appears to have needlessly repeated a question, and left himself open for dinner with a good-looking single man between the ages of 18 and 27 wearing a nice shirt (nothing wrong with that, except he specified “daughter” in another question so is presumably straight).

In a business situation I would humorlessly answer the first two questions and ignore the rest.

#3

What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

#4
#5

I’m a RADIO!

#6

Do you KNOW this person at all, lissener, or is it a random inquiry from the web site? I presume the latter since he doesn’t even know if your’e a male or female, but hey, maybe he’s just unobservant.