How would you have screwed up the quest of the One Ring?

Cafe Society
1

Not as an author, but as a character.

Imagine, if you will, that you are somehow translated to Middle-earth at the end of the Third Age, as one of the major characters in you-know-what. You have your basic personality, but not your knowledge of how the story comes out; you know nothing not known by the Hobbit, Maia, Elf, Man, or Ent whose place you have taken.

How would your 21st-century sensibilities have screwed things up for the good guys and been good for Sauron?

In my case, I imagine that, if I were Elrond, I would have succumbed to my tendency to be too clever by half. To be specific, I would have given Merry a nice gold ring and sent him and Pippin off toward the Grey Havens, with Glorfindel and a few other Imladris inhabitants (Imladrians? Rivendellers?) to make it look good. I’d hope this would cause the Nazgul, once they reconsitute themselves, to follow the wrong spoor. That most likely ends better, especially for Rohan.

2

Given Gandalf’s relationships with Gwaihir and Shadowfax, I fail to see the advantage in Nine Walkers. (Yes, I know that the Eagles are agents of Manwe, and not supposed to interfere with mortals’ free will. But still . . . )

I would not simply hang the Ring on a chain around Frodo’s neck. I would lock it in an iron box, weld the box shut, and hang that on a chain around Frodo’s neck.

3

Probably the stupidest, most likely thing I’d personally do would be pick up the one Ring, and put it on. Gandalf, while still only slightly suspicious of the Ring, refuses to even touch it. A hobbit’s natural good nature makes them at least somewhat resistant to the effects. But I’d be too curious not to try it on, and then bam Sauron is the proud owner of another Ring Wraith.

4

:confused: to at least the Shadowfax part. Shadowfax wasn’t with him when they left Rivendell. Moreover, Shadowfax was not his property (even in the loose sense that he was ANYBODY’S property). He would have been making his way back to Rohan (or already there) at the time the Nine Walkers were being assembled. So I don’t see how that error would have even been possible.

5

Knowing me and that ring’s ability to resize itself, I think “unnatural act” best describes the outcome.

6

Most likely I would have died early, which would have impeded progress for the rest of the trip.

7

I’d probably pull a Boromir and try to wield it as a weapon against Sauron.

Or say “Can’t we just find some OTHER volcano to throw it in? You know, one NOT in Mordor?”

8

Probably put the ring on eBay or Craigslist.

9

Would the ring even have any power over us Earth humans? We were not created by Eru after all.

10

I don’t like jewelry, for myself, (It is fine for others.), so I may not have ever put the ring on. If my Hobbit neighbors had a garage sale, however, I could have easily put the ring up for sale along with a bunch of my other junk in exchange for watching the proceedings while my nextdoorHobbits had second breakfast or lunch or second lunch or whatever. As long as they brought a plate of food out for me.

11

I would find it difficult to believe the One Ring has a mind of its own and would be found regardless. I’d tie a rock to it then throw it in the middle of the ocean, content that it would be lost forever

12

Put it in the warehouse next to the Ark of the Covenant.

13

I imagine that if I were Gandalf and had just made certain of the One Ring, that I should damn well pack up Frodo that day, get Sam and haul his ass to Rivendell. That damn day. I suppose that Saruman would present a second choice, and Galadriel a third, but I would get him the hell out of the Shire, where the nearest protection is Rangers who don’t come into the Shire even when ring wraiths do. I would be months ahead of Sauron.

Presumably having arrived in Rivendell with Frodo, Sam and Aragorn, there would have been no time for the summoning of the White Council or the Council of Elrond. In any event, speed again being the best element of surprise I can muster against an unprepared and overconfident Sauron, we would set out immediately to Lothlorien with Elrond and Glorfindel and Elrond’s two sons as rounding out the party. Let’s go see Elrond’s mother-in-law. Over the pass. Which is not yet snowed in, and which Saruman doesn’t know yet to watch. I presume that at this point, I either get lucky and choose Galadriel over Saruman as the next way point, or I drop in for a surprise visit on Saruman. As far as dinner table company, I don’t yet know of his treachery, but he is seriously outnumbered and outgunned. He is either discovered and we have to wait on top for rescue, or he becomes an in-party traitor, much worse than Boromir. This is potentially quite interesting a story line. It beats killing him and fighting our way out of the angry Orcs next, and potentially still leaves us more story. Then we go to Lothlorien, or after Lothlorien, go to Orthanc.

We then have a bigger council at whichever last place we are in on. Saruman is with us. (Boromir, Gimli and Legolas are not). Gollum is following us. We know it. Saruman at some point kills Gollum, claiming it was the right thing to do. Gandalf is suspicious of Saruman and disgusted with him. However, Galadriel has not passed her test, and he worries about everyone else too, including himself. We don’t know if Saruman has his Palantir on this quest. The Lady comes on the quest with her grandsons to pester them about when she is going to be getting some great grandchildren.

So what to do? We do not need to go to Gondor at all. We decide to go East and sneak into Mordor the long way around where there are no mountains. Along the way we encounter various small parties of Orcs, and a large party that Saruman has set to ambush us. We still don’t know he is responsible, except that the Orc leader during the battle has done some activity to make Gandalf further worried about Saruman beyond the Gollum slaying.

At some point Saruman falls over and Sam helps him up. Galadriel sees the ring on Saruman’s finger and recognizes it as an attempt at a ring of power. (Remember, we are not sure that the White Council members know if Gandalf has Narya). Since many of the other party members don’t even see a ring on Saruman, they know it is a ring of power. Gandalf now demands to know which ring of power it is and how he came about it, and Saruman either says it is one of the seven, or confesses he made it (more likely) to study what Sauron might be up to. Perfectly innocent perhaps, but it alarms most of the party who start to watch Saruman and never leave him alone. Saruman always has a walking companion, and he is constantly using his voice to sooth each companion in turn.

You know, this actually is getting interesting.

14

About halfway through I would get bored with the whole thing and say “fuck it” and just hang out with the elves.

15

I’d sit around and smoke way too much pipe weed to ever get anything done.

That, and I would probably fall instantly under the spell of the ring, especially since I would totally want to put it on and go do invisible shit while I was baked on pipe weed.

16

Take…that…back. :mad:

17

After I read the quest walkthrough on Allakhazam, I’d say the hell with it and go do some PVP instead.

18

Hmmm…

Next, on Mythbusters - A ring that can only be destroyed in the lava of Mt. Doom? We don’t think so! Join us for our special on 100 ways to melt the one ring!

19

Guys, guys - listen, I hate to play Junior mod, but witnessing for (or against) Eru really belongs in GD, right? Or maybe the pit.

:wink:

20

Any answer other than “I would try to wear it” is probably wrong.

I would try to wear it.