How would you punish Osama bin Laden?

Like Mark Steyn, I tend to believe that Osama bin Laden is already dead - blasted to bits in Tora Bora. But let us assume that he is still alive and we catch him.

How would YOU punish Osama bin Laden?

I offer two suggestions:

(1) Publicly hang him on the site of the World Trade Center

(2) Give him to the Afghani women (very cruel, this notion)

Do not waste your time by posting entreaties for mercy. After all, we are dealing with the man who not only planned 911, but also issued an order calling for the extermination of every American man, woman and child on the planet.

He has never given mercy and he shall receive none.

I would punish him by putting IMHO or Pit threads in his GQ.

Seriously, though, it’d have to be well thought out, as you wouldn’t want to make him a martyr.

I don’t really care for “imagine some new way to torture the criminal” as a game. What would I like to do to bin Laden? I’d like to turn him over to an international court for a fair trial, with lawyers and witnesses and evidence on both sides, after which I’d like to see him (assuming he is found guilty, which seems likely) sentenced to a fair punishment. Life in prison is what I’d prefer, though I realize that a quick execution is also an option many people would consider appropriate.

Thread moving to IMHO in Three…



Put him in a small cell, with no access to other people or news of the outside world, and let him rot and become forgotten.

But, you’re probably looking for silly and creative answers, so I suppose if you want to have fun with him, you can give him a copy of his favorite holy book, no toilet paper, and a diet heavy on fiber.

Moderator’s Note: General Questions is for questions with factual answers; In My Humble Opinion is for polls and “what’s your opinion?” threads, which this is, so I’ll move it to IMHO.

I liked the sex-change, and release him on the streets of Taipei plan.

Or hand him over to Fox to star in the latest crass reality show.
Who Wants to Marry a Mass Murderer?
Meet my Messiah.
Queer Eye for that Jihad Guy
Survivor: Kabul
Extreme Makeover: Drag Queens go Crazy!

5 minutes alone and bound in a cell with each surviving family member of his victims. There are no other objects in the room than a toothpick and rubbing alcohol. In the 3 day period between these meetings, he listens to Karen Carpenter songs played on a record player at 31 RPM. His diet consists of popcorn, sometimes popped, and lots and lots of mountain berry kool-aid.

After he has finished his appointments, we graft his nipples onto his cheeks and give them a-cup implants. The monthly dose of chemotherapy meds keeps his face hairless. He is given a shovel & a wheelbarrow and instructed to fill in the hole in NYC and landscape it, he is the gardner there to the end of his days.

Well, now I feel kind of petty for my suggestion … well, maybe not. I’m all for setting him on fire and pushing him off a skyscraper.

I hate to contradict another moderator, but juvenile revenge fantasies should go to The BBQ Pit.

But…isn’t this liable to become “wishing death on someone?”

In jail. For a very, very, very long life.

Re-educate him to the point where he understands of the enormity of his crime. When he feels remorse, make him watch a documentary about every person whose life was shattered in the WTC/Pentagon attacks (this could take a considerable amount of time). Then consign him to solitary confinement until he dies.

I’m with the “grey room” method, similar to what Mark Torque has suggested.

It’s an enhanced solitary confinement. The room is small and entirely grey: walls, ceiling, floor. The walls are impermeable and soundproof. It has a toilet and a sleeping shelf. The room has no windows. It is kept at a constant temperature, say 65 degrees Fahrenheit. The light is always the same, too. The light is constant as well. The only visible feature is the peephole through which a video camera keeps a 24/7/365 eye on him. The film is maintained and monitored so it can be proven that he is not being beaten or used for medical experiments, but no word of his condition is ever revealed to the outside world.

Food is pushed in through a slot, has sufficient calories and nutrients, but is bland and exactly the same at every single meal, served twice a day. Once in a while he is required to move into an adjacent grey room while the area is hosed down. He has no reading matter and absolutely nothing to do.

I have not yet decided if the criminal gets medical treatment or not. He would not be likely to contract any communicable diseases, since he has no human contact, but I suppose he might get cancer or some other malady, and I’m not sure if those would be treated or not. Certainly any self-inflicted wounds would not be treated.

The whole experience would be sort of like being dead. Or the numb grey feeling you have when a couple of buildings have fallen on your child or your spouse or your parent.

With a chip in his head to enforce complicance, but does not change who he is, give him to Miss Paris Hilton (or some other westerner of dubious merit) as a personal servant.

I think Ron White has the right idea on Osama bin Laden. Osama is prepared to die for his cause, but he’s probably not prepared to lick grape jelly out of Thunderdick’s asscrack.

I would like to see him tried in an Islamic court for multiple murder and then when found guilty beheaded.

I’m not sure it’s possile to give UBL the punishment he deserves in this world. Not that I wouldn’t try if given the opportunity but nothing I can think of rises to the level of his crimes. At best I might make him a matyr and still not accomlish the task. I think the reality may be that a small group of US soldiers who have sworn secrecy to each other will put a bullet in the back of his head without ever telling their superiors about it. They will dispose of his body so no one ever finds a trace.

Then he will have to answer to God.

shave his beard.

Now that’s cruel.