The real question remains, why are you sweating so much?
He can’t tell you. And now he can’t let you leave.
There are a number of stock responses you can keep in your pocket for future interactions with this dolt, from “What a rude thing to say!” (as you keep waking) to the simple, deadpan “wow” (with a long stare, followed by silence.) Probably a smarter strategy in the workplace with the boss’s pet than any clever retort, no matter how well-deserved.
But my snappy comeback, which I would definitely think of in the moment and not hours later, would be to stroke my chin thoughtfully and say, “well, if I were to sweat like you instead, I’d be drier but I’d smell terrible.”
Since you asked for practical suggestions, my husband is a huge fan of Mizzen & Main shirts. They look like dress shirts but feel like gym shorts; he says he feels cooler so he sweats less, and the shirt wicks away moisture. PM me if you want a promo code. But if the issue isn’t that you’re physically uncomfortable but that this person is just rude, it’s probably not worth the money.
“I can’t help it. I always sweat before a kill.”
“What an odd thing to ask a person. Why do you do it?”
That phrase works so many times and won’t get you written up by HR. Came in handy when addressed by the woman who made a habit who assumed all overweight women were actually pregnant. “When are you due?”
Did somebody actually ask you this question or is it hypothetical?
“Because fuck you, that’s why.” Let the tone differentiate between friend and foe.
I sweat from the hands and feet regularly/profusely but rarely at all from the rest of me baring high humidity, lack of ventilation or extreme nervousness. Social anxiety trips sweating in four key locations and no where else for me.
“I always get kinda antsy before a mass shooting.”
This might be one of the rare situations where it’s appropriate to say, “I could kill you, but I’d have to tell you.” Or, maybe it’s not.