You have to get a school bus full of non-zombies to come with you to a gun shop. Load up, then go to a grocery store and lock yourself in there. It seems zombies have trouble breaking through glass windows and doors, so you’re fine there. Then you become president of the grocery store, and all existing women become bedazzled by your fame and want to be groupies. 
Before you all get too self-righteous, just remember that zombies only take jobs away from real Americans. Real Americans have families to take care of and a future to build, a future that’s better than their past. Zombies, on the other hand, only care about one thing: making the rest of the world like the places they left. They don’t care about themselves or others. They stay up at all hours of the night moaning and when they can’t find jobs, they go around harrassing the hard-working Americans who set up the standard of living that makes the zombies want to come here in the first place. Whenever they move into a neighborhood, you can hear the property value plummet. Do you have any idea how long it takes gentrification to bring those values back up? Hell, they don’t even pay taxes.
That, and given half a chance, they’ll eat your brains. That might be fine wherever they come from, but this is America. We got rights; not that zombies understand that.
You bleeding-heart liberals don’t seem to understand how great a threat zombies pose to this great nation.
Holing up would really only be a good idea if you had enough food squirreled away until the zombie menace was over…I’d like to say that decomposition would take care of them after awhile, but if we accept the basic premise of the dead spontaneously rising to feast on the brains of the living, you can’t really take much for granted.
The ideal setup would be something like the military compund in 28 Days Later, only with competent, non-raping soldiers and a decent population of women. You don’t want just a few ways in or out…if there are lots of zombies after you, they’ll pin you down. You want a nice open space so you can use whatever artillery you have on any threateningly large gatherings of zombies and a decent chance of running away.
Well, living on a military base, I think the SPs would be thrilled at a zombie invasion. Slow moving targets.
Assuming the zombies somehow took out the SPs, I’d make some molotov cocktails (Castlevania had the concept right, but holy water just doesn’t flame up very well). Then I’d go get a few swords from one of the people in my shop (he’s got plenty to spare), distribute the swords and cocktails to my neighbors, and defend the entry points to my dormitory.
Simple.
- Locate a fortified (or fortifiable) position of relative safety. Access it.
- Ingratiate myself with the living persons therein.
- Kill them all, preferably in a quiet, quick manner that would preclude their returning to life in some way.
After all, EVERY Romero zombie film, as well as both remakes, and *28 Days Later * point out that the zombies aren’t really the problem. The dynamics of human interaction, particularly under stress, are the problem.
So I kill everyone, and take their stuff. Problem solved.
I would be glad I load my own shotgun ammo. A good zombie killer is a frugal zombie killer. 65 grains of Elaphant FFg black powder and an ounce and an eighth of #6 shot will leave many perforated and flaming zombies in my wake. A slug from a .45 will kill but a 12 gauge leaves a mean and oozy corpse. No “cha-chunk” sounds, I’ve got a side by side coach gun. Just clicks as I snap the barrels shut and cock the hammers. Recoil might be a bit much for TheLadyLion so I may need to shop for a .410 pump gun for her.
After establishing my stronghold, I will rescue normal people, gain their confidence… then kill them and throw their brains and other tasty bits to the zombies.
After gaining their confidence, I will work with them to our mutual advantage. A sort of “good cop/bad cop” routine… in which the zombies benefit by getting their brains without all that tedious shambling around, and I get to enjoy the benefits of being the big hero who always miraculously arrives in the nick of time to save the lovely damsel.
Naturally, once I tire of a lovely damsel, I will throw her to the zombies! Mom always taught me not to let food go to waste!
Feh, I live in Montana, where the ratio of people to guns is about 1:3. It’d be a friggin state holiday to get to drive around and shoot zombies.
The biggest worry would be not running out of beer.
whistlepig
My only hope would be to get out of my apartment and safely across town to the semi-boonies where Gunslinger lives. My building would be zombie fodder because of its proximity to several major roads and shopping plazas and housing developments and such, plus the only self-defense option I have here is a .54 flintlock pistol - and while I have the shot and patches here, the powder is in Gun’s shed, so even the very low level of protection afforded by a single-shot muzzleloader would be negated by the absence of explosives to fuel it.
Assuming I could get down to my Jeep and hightail it out of here, I could take shelter with him and his multitudinous guns, weaponry, and ex-Green Beret father. But on my own, I’d be toast. Or, rather, brains. Just call me Racin McZombiesnack.
Oh, and I’d remember to stop by a hardware/general store, and pick up a few dozen packets of seeds. There’ll have to be something to fall back on, once the cans of “Smeat” run out.
Although they might provide an ample source of nutrients for my crops, I’d have to force myself not to use pieces of re-deaded zombies as fertilizer. I might end up with a crop of turnips that tries to eat me, or something.
Ranchoth
('Course, they’d probably go after the heads of lettuce, first. Or maybe the cauliflower.)
If I caught wind of something zombie-spicious, here’s what I’d do (hopefully, before everything fell into chaos. A day or two before is all I’d need).
- Pack up the cats, snakes, and the nicer rats.
- Grab my quarterstaff, since it’s the only weapon I can even begin to use. Probably useless against the Zombie Hordes, tho.
- Pack a lot of water and all the food that’ll survive.
- Cry
- Go to the store and get a bunch of those canisters you can hold gasoline in. Also get more long-lasting food. Mmm, Twinkies.
- Fill up my car with gas. Then fill up all the canisters, and hope it’s enough to get to TX.
- Drive straight to Austin with The Cody. Must protect family! Never drop below 80. Have maps, in case roads are blocked. Pee in the woods. (Zombies stay in populated areas, right? Trees are safe.)
Once in TX:
- Make my mom steal medical supplies from work.
- Go somewhere other than my mom’s house. It’s nothing but windows! No protection. Why don’t people make zombie-safe houses? Maybe my friend’s 2nd floor apt. Maybe that Inner Space Caverns in Gorgetown.
- Hope no zombies come for my brain meats. The Cody and I are the only ones with fight training, and it’s of no use unless we manage to find some sharp swords.
- Wait it out.
I think beach houses!
You know, the one’s on stilts would be perfect. You could easily remove the stairs.
What!? No one mentioned “no electricity” and most likely no running water. (note: I love this thread! I just ordered the Zombie survival guide above! ha! what a crack! )
I’ve seen houses out in Galveston Bay, Texas, that are only reachable by boat!
Here is the plan:
I’d get a little shallow draft diesel boat (because up and down the coast, you can get diesel from huge above ground tanks which are gravity fed). Any dock for a crew boat, shrimp boat, yacht club, or even the Coast Guard Stations have THOUSANDS of gallons of fuel for you. Actually I’ve even seen JP5 for helicopter pads too which could be used in your Kerosene heaters during the winter months.
Collect rainwater from the roof / gutter trap system you created which stores the water in plastic 55gallon drums. Fish from your back deck or setup (forgetting the name) unattended fish catchers, and live like a king. Collect oysters during the cold months during low tides. There are abundant assortments of tubers, and swamp plants, which are good for you and nutritious.
There are many islands, which are not reachable by land. You could have a nice garden, and guess what! Farmers (who are hopefully on your side or dead) have cattle barged to some of these islands! Seen it myself! I landed my ultra-light to take a quick pee, and I’ll be damned if the darn cows got so close I feared one would be tempted to tear the fabric on my plane.
I just want my gun, my mate, and my dog (in that order)… This could be easily upgraded to a larger community… Do Zombies swim?
Well, I live in Canada and since this is the land of all that is good and pure 
I sincerely doubt will ever have to worry about the living dead walking my neighborhood.
However, since the chance of me being wrong is pretty good, I’ll have to count on the resident warwolf to scare away the zombies… because we all know THEY do NOT get along!
Plan B: Two dogs and a box of Scoobie snacks… I think you get the picture.
yeah, I meant to spell it that way. :smack:
Obviously this is all contingent on the zombie infection is not an airborne pathogen.
I would make a run, via backroads, to my comrade’s house, where the guns are. Hopefully he’s not already Zombie Kibble. If so, I hope his guns are still there. If not, we hook up. He’s got 2 pistols and an SKS…
After that we head to a few other friends houses, looking for surviving friends or more guns/ammo. Ideally, at some point, I’mma pick up a shotgun…
Caravan. A few decent vehicles, heavy trucks preferably, and just head North. Pick up supplies from the decimated country side, and try to avoid getting in battles with other survivor bands and zombie mobs.
Spend a year FREEZING our asses off in the Canadian Arctic. I figure that after a year, a great deal of the Living Dead would have either rotted to bits, or succumbed to the elements (frozen, dehydrated, etc.).
Begin trying to rebuild a state, as mentioned above. Any corpses are cremated from now on though… Hehehehe…
I picked up my copy of The Zombie Survival Guide last week. While I haven’t starting reading it yet, I skimmed the index. There’s a section dedicated to significant zombie attacks through the ages. While California suffered five attacks over a sixteen month period in the early 1990s, there were no attacks listed for Canada.
I thought about this and assumed that the frozen ground up north makes it more difficult for the buried dead to rise. Or it could be that Canadian zombies are just more friendly than those in America. Fortunately for Californians, they now have a governor that could probably take out a horde of zombies all by himself.
Zombies must just annoy warwolves. The living dead tend not to have spirits to drain, and their skins may not be in the best condition to wear. But, I had no idea there were any warwolves in Canada, much less anywhere outside the London zoo. At least on Earth.
Anyhoo…
Interestingly enough, Something Awful just came out with a zombie survival guide. It has some useful tips on dealing with zombies, like
As to what I would do if zombies attacked - I would head straight for the Yokosuka military base (about 10 blocks from where I am at the moment), and hole up there. I figure the marines will love having some easy target practise, and should keep the zombies out.
That’s a comic book reference y’all.
I suppose the one question that hasn’t been previously answered was, “are these the fast zombies or the slow zombies?” The thinking, “zombies is zombies” is dangerous. More dangerous than the zombies. Fast zombies, that is.
Strip naked.
Put on a pair of torn underwear. Put another pair on my head, backwards. Hold arms out stiffly, Wander slowly to the gunshop while drooling and grunting.