This thread (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&postid=3332289#post3332289) got me thinking - how would you seize control of a small country, and establish your rule with an Iron Fist? I go through my thoughts in the thread I linked to - you guys got any particular ideas on the subject?
Oh, and “Does this in me seem ambitious?”
Sorry, Will.
Why, I’d stage Bloody coup of course.
Here is a good book on the subject of power. Depressing though.
It’s quite easy really. But I can’t tell you how to do it the quick way, lest I ruin my own plans for World Domination. I will tell you that it involves using great Evil powers that most people probably don’t posess.
However, there is another way. You must make everyone like you somehow, or at least listen to you. Then tell them the rest of the world is trying to harm them, but that you can keep them safe if they just follow along with you. Then tell them that if they give you Ultimate Power over their little country, they will all live happy and safe lives. Kill anyone who objects to you, or raises any evidence to show the rest of the world is not against your country. The rest will fall in line eventually. Or they will all get killed ojecting, in which case you have the whole place to yourself anyway. But that’s such a messy way to go about it, really.
It depends a lot on the country. In the US, I’d convince the populace that the government was unacceptably tyrranical, thus fomenting general discontent. I’d lead the secession of some western states, and when the military was sent to intervene, I’d have sowed enough discontent that they’d defect to my side. This would allow me to take DC with minimal struggle. The hard part, after taking control of the seat of government, would be to consolidate the nation and eliminate any pockets of resistance. Really, its not terribly difficult.
If I don’t post for a few days, ask the Department of Homeland Security what’s up:)
I’d get a small position in the government. The push for lowering of taxes, providing more money for education. People would think, “Hey, this guy really has our best interest in mind.” Slowly I’d move up to a position of more power, I’d stop at a Vice president position, and have a puppet type guy as the president. I’d continue to push for things that benefit the people more than the government. Then, I’d pick some random country and start a rivalry over some dumb thing. In competition national pride would skyrocket and people would start to love our peoples government. I’d blame any mistake on the president, and eventually set up some huge mistake which would then be blamed on the presidnet and people would move to impeach him. I would then reluctanly (mwahaha…) take the position and work to repair the damage the old president (mwhaha…) has caused the country. Of course I would have already planned for what was happening and a resolution would be easy.
At this point the country would probably love me and would follow me into anything with full support.
Hmm, I makes me wonder why I haven’t already started with this…
How would I seize power?
Gently.
Ever so Gently.
Around the neck.
Moohoo hooohaaa HAAAAHHAAAA MWAAAAHAAAAA!cough
If I tell you, it won’t be a surprise…
Step 1: Train 40 million ferrets in the art of stealth, hand to hand combat, and ninja smoke bomb throwing. I’ll hire old Iraqii training facilities to do so. And old Shaolin Monks with Ninja Death Grap Action will train them to perfection.
Step 2: Take ferrets and mail them into the governments around the world.
Step 3: In the proceeding power vaccuum I shall rise to claim the mantle of Supreme Despotic Global Leader!
Or hijack a few nuclear bombs and blackmail world leaders. Eeh, whatever.
Robots, atomic robots.
Hmm… I’m thinking a giant army of powerful bulletproof monkee soldiers under my sole psychic command would work pretty well. And I’d promise unlimited ice cream and cake for everyone. Any flavor you want. Even fat free frozen yogurt. Free Coke and Pepsi machines in the cafeteria too. And 15 more minutes of recess every day. And a new jungle gym in the playground. Yeah, that’s it…
Atomic robots are a great idea too.
I will rise from the depths when the Stars Are Right, and devour all that oppose me.
I’d help my roommate raise a massive army of squirrels. They’re his enemy right now, but we foresee an alliance in the future. The squirrel army would then march on the capital of whatever country we’re after. The idea is that people (i.e. our enemies) will trip over squirrels, hit their heads, and thus be neutralized. I haven’t quite figured out the ruling with an iron fist part yet.
obvious. first subtly agree with most opinions of the general populace, each time adding a slight of your own, influencing their opinion with that fact that they think, since you’re agreeing with them everything you just said had to be their opinion. next begin to slip to more powerful people with the mass public backing you do this and finally slip into power and, by then, you will have gotten most of the public (your “subjects”) to believe that you are right and before thet realize that their standards have been tainted you reign. I love being ev- no, not evil, manipulative.
Hmmm… sounds oddly familiar. :rolleyes:
My question would actually be what music would be most appropriate as the soundtrack for your seizure of power? Do you go with a classic like Ride of the Valkyries or some sort of power metal mix?
It has to be Ride of the Valkyries for the intial and presumabely messy stages, but for the triumphant scene of me on the balcony basking in the love and adoration of the Teeming Millions, I gotta go with We Are The Champions, which will be played non-stop on all radio/Tv stations for exactly 24 hours, after which I will come on and announce that Thanksgiving and Christmas have been canceled.
Then of course, it will be time for pie.
I’m thinking Dick Dale’s Miserlou would be a suitable intro, with Dr. John and Right Place, Wrong Time or another good, upbeat funk tune to set the mood while I gathered my army. DMX and Party Up would set the tone for the killing spree in which I vanquished those who stand against me. Then finally, I’d end it all with Beach Boy’s Wouldn’t It Be Nice playing everywhere, just because I’m going to be a very sadistic bastard of a ruler.
Follow Hitler’s example: Lie and charm your way to the top of a popular movement, then when you and your buddies have reached high enough positions of power that you can’t get “fired,” consolidate your military or police power, Possibly using them against some of your own supporters who are too dangerous to be allowed to go free, but aren’t trustworthy enough to be part of your inner circle. Then, you can do whatever you want to, and no one can stop you.
And remember: Don’t be afraid to stab people in the back, when it’s necessary. Even friends.
Also…historically, there’s a reason why there have always been more “Subjects” than “Kings.” Most humans are naturally “sheep,” needing someone to guide them, to tell them what to do, to give them “order”. Use this to your advantage.
I’d recommend reading The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich for pointers. And I’m sure someone else here can suggest similar books on, for instance, the Russian and Cuban revolutions, and maybe even the French Revolution.
As for music, I’d suggest…
The Horst Wessel Song
The Imperial March from Star Wars
Behold, the Lord High Executioner from The Mikado
Iron Man by Black Sabbath
Sympathy For the Devil, which has been covered by various artists
Kashmir, by Led Zeppelin (I’d recommend the version performed by the London symphony orchestra)
Mars: Bringer of War by Gustav Holst (A little trite, perhaps, but still a classic)
All of the Love of Sunshine by Hank Williams
Entry of the Gladiators, by Fucik (Especially handy if you actually plan on reinstating Gladiatorial games)
As Ranchoth said, The Imperial March and Sympathy for the Devil would probably be good. I don’t quite understand the appeal of Kashmir for this, though it is a good song.
No Horst Wessel! I may be an evil megalomaniac, but there’s many ways to be an evil megalomaniac - I’m a megalomaniac in a non-Hitler-like way.