How Young is Too Young For Marriage?

In My Humble Opinion
21

LaurAnge, one of my best friends got engaged this year(Feb. 14). She is 17, and plans to marry next year, when she turns 18. I do not agree with this, I’ll tell you why:

My aunt married when she was 17, ditto her daughter, my cousin. Both of them divorced later on. This has made me believe that sometimes people marry young just to get away from their parent’s home, or away from their immediate family. I suspect this, besides love, is the reason my friend wants to rush her wedding.

My mom, on the other hand, married when she was 32-34 (My parents don’t remember their marriage date. All they know is that they are married.) One of my grandmothers(maternal) married when she was 29(!), past marrying age in that time. They both had/have good marriages. For my granny, it lasted until she died (she was about 65). For my mom, it has been about 19-17 years, and still counting (plus 7 years of courtship!!!).

When it is ok to marry? Depends on what the law says. If the law says a 14 person can marry, then it is ok to marry at 14. If the law says 18, then by 18 is ok to marry.

22

Ah! I’ll never marry then! Though I’m 24 most people assume I’m still a teenager (I look very young) and many can’t seem to get past my looks long enough to treat me like an adult, especially if the person in question is middle aged or older. They think I’m mature, for a kid. I can’t win.

My parents, though, got married when Mom was 18 and Dad was 25. They celebrated their 26th in May.

23

I’m looking at my message and I can’t see where I said you should let the values of society weigh in on your decision. I simply said that 18 seems to be the minimum age that marriage is acceptable for most people. I imagine it might vary from state to state but do most 18 year olds need parental consent for marriage?

Marc

24

I’m getting married next month. I’m in my mid-to late thirties. I was not mature enough, and was much too self-centered at 18, and even in my 20’s to be married. We do plan to have children, and I know that I wasn’t ready to be a father before my early 30’s. I know that now I am ready to be a good husband and father. Don’t have a cite handy, but I know of studies which show that older fathers tend to be better fathers.

Some of the benefits of waiting are that I own my house (paid off three months ago), am well established in my career, and have completed my formal education (PhD.) I am ready, emotionally, finacially, and have the time to support a family.

My fiancee comes from a conservative Filipino family. She is emotionally ready to be married at 18. She comes from a tradition in which girls are expected to marry relatively young, and they live with their parents until they marry. I am her first boyfriend, and our first unchaperoned date will be the day she arrives in the United States. The idea that she wouldn’t be a virgin on her wedding day is something that has never occurred to her.

I was too young at 18, but at 18 she is at a good age to be married. My point? To name a set age is to ignore that every situation is different.

However, I think there are some general guidelines that can make for a better, more stable marriage. Wait until at least one, and preferably both have finished their formal education and are capable of supporting the couple. This may be at 18 or at 22.

Pepperlandgirl: I wish you all the best in your marriage. I have no doubt that in your case marriage will serve as a support system for finishing your education. The same is true for my future nuptials; my fiancee has two years of college under her belt and she will be finishing her education here in the US.

The problem is that many who marry young do it because of pregnancy or to “escape” some problem at home. In these cases, the couple seldom finishes college, and the marriage usually ends in divorce. There are much higher rates of abuse, neglect, and poverty in such marriages. Teen mothers in particular, married or not, are much, much, less likely to finish college and are much more likely to live in poverty, and thus their children also. There are definite advantages to waiting a little.

25

Maturity, as others have said well, is everything. For me, and I’ll bet for some other people, it took a certain amount of life experience to get that sort of maturity. That meant I needed to live on my own, paying my own rent and bills. It meant I had to be in several serious relationships. And I had to do some travel on my own. I was glad I waited.

My husband is even older than me, and he didn’t feel ready before he met me, either. He got to do some things that I am not sure he could have if he’d had a spouse or family to worry about, such as a take a crappy but interesting job, and start a few business ventures.

I’m not saying that’s true for everyone, but I’d definitely want my son or daughter (and the person they marry) to have lived outside of their parents’ house for awhile.

26

After 23, but before one dies. No exception.

27

I don’t think chronological age has anything to do with it. I’ve know some very mature 18 year olds, and some 50 year olds that shouldn’t be allowed out of the house without supervision. I do think that you should be self-supporting, have a good career, schooling finished and a portfolio started. And you should also go to all those places you ever dreamed about now, rather than waiting til the kids (if any) and grown and gone. Of course, most of my opinions come from hindsight. And you should know yourself. I was a naive 24 year old (Mr. L. was 33), but I don’t think I really knew myself until I was in my mid-30’s.

28

I use this same mantra on my Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] with a minor addition - insert “Have a career you enjoy” between college and marriage.

My brother’s ex went from her parents’ home to being married, never taking time to be single and on her own. After 5 years or so, she decided she wanted to be single again. Seems to me you can’t share your life till you’ve had a life…

29

My ‘stepbrother’ married his ‘wife’ when she was fourteen. He was 28 at the time, I believe. They were both too young to get married, but their families were stupid and allowed it, and are now suffering the consequences of the unhappy, on-again, off-again situation, complete with three kids in and out of state custody and endless trips to court to testify to the good character of the two crackhead parents. Fifteen years later,and they’re still too young to get married.

I, at 27, am too young to get married. Hell, I’m too young to date. I am way too self-absorbed and inconsiderate. Like an oversized five year old with a job.

In fact I think most people are probably too young to get married, but then I think getting married should be way more difficult than it is, and getting divorced (once you’ve realized what a mistake it was) should be much easier. Yeah, I’m a cynic, but I’m also a pragmatist. I’ve seen bad marriages in action, and it’s not pretty.

30

I’m of the opinion that anything before 23 or so is probably too early (there are always exceptions).

The reason is not one of maturity. As has been pointed out a 13 year old might be mature enough to understand and accept the responsibilities, joys, and difficulties of marriage.

My reason for recommending against young marriage is that marriage is all about compatibility and buying into the life of another person. Most people don’t even begin to understand what they want out of life until their early twenties.

I got married when I was 18. My wife and I were very compatible. But college was quickly changing us and soon we were wanting completely different things out of life. I found that I liked risk, uncertainty, travel, and wasn’t too interested in family. She found that security, home, monetary caution, and family were most important to her. Our political views began to diverge as I developed a strong interest in politics and the workings of government; her indifference began to infuriate me. To her, planning for our live and settling down were important and my inattention of wanting to buy a house or investing money in IRAs infuriated her.

At 18 we were compatible. By 20 we had both changed significantly and not in the same ways. Our marriage didn’t make it even that long. For most people the years from 16 to at least 23 are years of intense self-discovery and metamorphoses; it is hard enough to work through all the decisions on your own without having to run them by another person as well.

Again, I am not saying this is true of all people but I do think it is true of most people (in our culture, in societies where your life-path and options are set earlier in life, early marriage is much easier) and that is why I recommend against young marriage when asked about it in general.

31

I’ve got to heartily disagree with this, No Bones. I don’t think that love necessarily knows age.

“Too young” is someone who marries for the sake of getting married (particularly by some unwritten age deadline).

I married at age 30. This gave me the benefit of having lived away from my parents’ household for a while. I lived alone for several years, and I enjoyed living alone. I honestly thought that that is the way I would live out my life, and that was fine with me.

After I dated kpm for a year, I could truly see him becoming a part of my life. I happily agreed to marry him not to escape being single (which I actually enjoyed very much), but because I thought that despite the sacrifice of no longer being able to run my place my own way without compromise, my life would be richer if it were shared with him.

Ten years (well, as of 2 weeks from now) and 2 incredible kids later, I am truly enjoying the riches that this choice has brought.

32

According to statistics I saw recently that six out of every seven teen marriage end in divorce.

My thought is, would I get into an automobile with that kind of safety record? No. So why would I be willing to get into a marriage knowing that it had that kind of chance of heading for crash and burn city?

33

Oh, my God, I cannot even believe this. I’m sure there are some 21-22 year olds who are ready for it, but most of the people I know that age are far, far, far away from being mature enough. And I was saying the same thing even when I was at that age and in a long-term relationship.

For most people, I think mid to late twenties is the earliest. No upper age limit.

34

Can fetuses marry?