A massive plus one for this. Trying to deal with everything all at once is a recipe for exhaustion if not madness. Individual steps are accomplishable.
Of course, being human, we want the all in one solution before the credits roll, wrapping everything up in a nice package. And when we don’t get it, there’s a tendency to throw blame around, often at ourselves which makes it worse.
@Beckdawrek is reaaaaaaalllly familiar with this sort of thing based on everything she’s shared.
Alas, I do know about such things. Mostly from the patients perspective.
When your out of it, from disease or meds you really really need an advocate. Or 3.
My fear is @Sylvanz is pretty much on her own. The daughter is pregnant. The son surely has a job. Heck, I think @Sylvanz is still working.
And the hospital is not in the same town from what I gathered.
Yep, she has her plate full.
If you reasonably trust the hospital and his caregivers, that is a plus that you cannot replicate. We have to trust these people. (Always with caveats, of course). Being able to leave your loved one in their hands is such a lifesaver, when you do need to self care.
And the patient in their right mind would certainly agree. I am absolute on this. A patient like I’ve been, does not want you to suffer. I promise.
My son has been with me for most of this. He does work but his restaurant has closed for new owners and a remodel. He goes back tomorrow for some kitchen organizing. Saturday they are going to their sister restaurant and tasteing the new menu.
Yes my daughter is pregnant and would not be helpful in a lot of this situation, though I shouldn’t sell her short she’s pretty good at things that don’t involve her own healthcare.
I do work. I’m using my sick time now and I have a week of PTO I can use if I need to.
The hospital is 45 to 50 min away. It’s a long drive and I don’t drive well in the dark. I find the whole thing exhausting and I’m not doing anything but sitting there and trying to understand what he says. And being a little freaked out when he asks me if I found Anderson Cooper. And randomly announcing things he sees on the room walls. Such a big change from yesterday.
Oh, I do trust this hospital and so far all the doctors I’ve met with. The nurses have been very good and attentive. He is getting good care there, so with that I’m content.
Very sorry to see about the setback, and hope he’s better again tomorrow. Wish I had something specific useful to say but all I can do is join the chorus: you’re doing all you can, and take care of yourself. If you can’t safely drive at night, you might just have to go in the day.
Keeping him, and you, in my thoughts.
Both of those things just above.
Do not risk a car crash. However awful the current situation is, adding you having no car or significant injuries or both is vastly worse.
And best thoughts and hugs to all your family.
By the way.. this is a really good time to take friends up on offers to help. Things that seem like an imposition can make a real difference - it’s a small thing for them, but can free you up to not have to deal with One More Thing.
Hopefully you have some in your support system that you can lean on a bit.
He was a bit more present today. He knew day, month, etc. His BP and oxygen have been stable. No blood products today, but they’re pretty sure the bleeding (though they can’t see it) is coming from the ugly bruise on his bottom and leaking into his leg. It seems like it just has to heal. Kidneys have improved a bit, though he’s not out of the woods there yet.
I took off early today. I just couldn’t stay awake in there and he was mostly sleeping anyway. I had to call one of my kids to keep me awake the last 15 min. of the drive. My son finally got some work today so he didn’t come with me. I got home and went to bed with my heating pad and passed right out.
I very much appreciate all the support and good wishes I’m getting here. It helps to write it down and have someone not hip deep to discuss it with. Thank you all.
Good to know he’s recompensating.
Good advice! Remember that people really want to help, but don’t know what to do. It’s a favor to them if you ask for something.
Cautiously optimistic.
Good on you for getting the obviously much needed rest.
{{Hugs)}
This. If you can identify a concrete need, they will deliver in spades. If you can’t, they’ll shrug, feel bad and unfulfilled, mumble some platitudes and go home.
Help them help you. Everyone wins. Really.
And sooo good to see signs of progress at the hospital. Hugs to all.
So today he was a little bit better and they sent him to another floor because they needed the pcu room for post op. He wasn’t as sick as he’d been so that is a plus. He’s still not totally all there. Though he knows the year, the month and his birthday. He got surly with me when I asked him if he knew where we were, and told me Chicago! I told him we weren’t in Chicago and he sort of looked embarrassed and seemed to realize he was wrong.
When he went to another floor with another nurse she did a head to toe through exam and skin check. OMG, I haven’t seen all of him since he was hospitalized. The bruises are huge and everywhere. He looks like he was beaten with a couple of baseball bats. That exam wore him out so much he went right to sleep, and I left. I don’t usually leave when he’s asleep but I had to leave and didn’t want to wake him.
A weird thing that I wonder what you all might think about. Three nights ago I got up to use the bathroom as I was heading back to bed I got that acid saliva in my mouth that comes before vomiting. Now that might not seem like a big deal, but I. Don’t. Throw. Up. Ever. Not since I was somewhere between 5 - 7. It went on for about 2 or 3 min. I kept swallowing hard and if passed. I thought I might be sick, but I’m not. It was weird.
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Oh goodness..I hope you didn’t catch a bug at the hospital.
Nastiest place aside from the sewer. All door knobs and handles are suspect. IMO
I’m glad to hear that he’s continuing to recover, even if it’s still a long road ahead.
Excellent advice. My mother lived well into her 90s and I was her staunch patient advocate. I don’t think I did anything as dramatic as saving her life, but I do recall, just as one example of advocacy, of her being scheduled for some uncomfortable tests. I asked the medical staff what would happen if the tests were positive, indicative of perhaps a serious condition. They replied that, at her age, surgery was out of the question so nothing would be done. So I said, then don’t do the tests. It seems obvious but medical personnel seem to mindlessly follow a rule-book even when it makes no sense. When she passed away years later, it was from something entirely unrelated.
Nah, I’m fine now. I was all ready not to go the next day and not eat. But I was and am fine. I just wondered if it was some sort of stress reaction. It was just so odd. I had an incident some months ago where I came way closer to hurling, but I was sick (and did not hurl). It was so out of left field.
Yep, little steps … slow little steps.
I ask detailed questions about all the issues he’s been having. I think the lack of diagnosis was a lag between hospitals. So far he is getting excellent and detailed care. I’m there everyday and make sure he’s as comfortable as he can be right now. The bruises just made me cringe. Things at home have got to change. Full Stop.
Is he a fall risk.
I know he has Parkinson’s. That’s shakey, like Michael J. Fox, right?
Do you know where these bruises are possibly coming from?