Since beach season is about as far away as possible, I might as well admit something. If I’m at the beach in the water and feel the urge, and no one is near me, I’ll just go ahead and piss. My rationale is that every other animal would do the same. The column on the “whale shit” informed me that blue whales crap out 3 tons a day. I can only imagine how much they piss. They probably excrete more in one “sitting” than a human would in a lifetime. So why is it so taboo for a human to piss in the ocean? And not that I would ever want to, but by the same logic, why is it taboo for humans to crap in the ocean? Again, this would only be “useful” if there’s absolutely no one around. I completely understand that humans don’t want to waddle in the waste of fellow humans.
It’s taboo?
I guess it depends where you are. Every time I’ve gone diving or sailing, if I have to go, I just jump in and go. That’s what everyone does.
ETA: Ohhh, but pooping. Hm, I think I might be uncomfortable personally with that.
But it would be seasoned with salt!
I take my dog to this “doggy beach” which used to be a little pond for people to enjoy but the city fenced it off and made it a big pond for dogs to enjoy.
Anyway, the first time I took my Dolly to the beach, she went right in the water and squatted down for a poo. I was pretty embarrassed until I noticed a lot of other dogs doing it too. They get this very satisfied look on their faces while doing it…prooobably similar to what a human would look like if he/she was shitting in the ocean 
THIS is exactly why I don’t like swiming at the beach.
It’s a phobia I have.
I’ll swim ONLY if the beach is essentially deserted. By that same token, I won’t swim in public swiming pools, either.
As much as I like the idea of swimming, and enjoy it when I know the water is pristine.
However . . .
Pee, poop, blood, vomit, snot, sweat, saliva, body hair, lotion, sunscreen, dingleberries – and more unmentionables – from both humans and animals all wash off in any amount of bath-type water, be it in the Pacific Ocean or at the indoor pool at the local YMCA!
I don’t want to be swimming in it!
Ick! Ick! and double-dog Ick!
Durf’s up!
There is just such a large amount of water volume that I usually do not worry about people pissing or pooping in there. Hell, there are millions of marine animals defecating in there and it doesn’t seem to bother many people.
I heard a made-up, but reasonably accurate, statistic that 85% of scuba divers admit to urinating in their wetsuits, and 15% are lying about it.
Creatures of the ocean eliminate, too, I don’t see what so bad about a human doing it. Defecating I would frown on, but I don’t have a good reason other than that’s sick.
But can you imagine being the poor sob who gets a turd in the face when the next wave hits?
That would just be hilarious. What a story to tell your grand kids, eh? Just as long as it doesn’t get in your mouth.
Yea for #1 and Nea for #2. With urine, no one is the wiser. People will have no idea that there is some really diluted urine around them. But I’d hate to be in the water and see a piece of crap next to me. It could also wash up on shore, and people would have to walk around it. Although, someone has probably taken a crap near me in the past, but I have never seen it. If poop were just rubber duckies, I’d have no problem with it. But poop is not rubber duckies, so I’d rather not be swimming around in it.
I also heard that scuba divers do so to get warm, but I have no idea whether or not it’s true.
I see no problem with peeing in large bodies of water. I will not poop in same, but really am not worred about it. As others have mentioned, look at all of the marine animals that poop in there. In the ocean, especially, there is so much movement, what with the tides, waves and watercraft that any poop is going to be materialized and redistributed fairly quickly, anyway!
It’s true. I was taught to do this when I was going through scuba certification. And the teacher was the guy who rented us the wet suits.
I strongly advise those Dopers with poop-in-the-water aversions to actively avoid all beaches in Chicago until Milwaukee knocks off dumping raw sewage in to Lake Michigan.
The lads at my son’s canoe club just capsize and exit if they need to pee.
I think it would be doing nature a great service by pooping in the ocean. That’s extra fertilizer for all the wildlife, et al.
Let’s hope those wet suits aren’t wet when you first put them on… And how would you do a #2 through a wet suit anyway? I guess people are treading water and peeling their suits around their buttocks? I can’t quite picture it, and frankly I am more willing to invest the mental energy to avoid picturing it.
As for non-wetsuited elimination practices, such as might be done in shallow waters near the shore by be-swimtrunked folks, I think it’s primarily because it’d be hard to keep such an act on the down-low.
Plus, you’d lose of the satisfaction of reviewing your work. There’s that moment after dropping a load, but before you flush it away, where you get to estimate the volume of your leavings and benchmark it against how much you think you’ve eaten since your last visit. Come on, you all know you do it.
When I was everybody knew to stay away from somebody who is standing in waist deep water — and smiling.
“The solution to pollution is dilution.”
I can speak from a biological viewpoint based on a series E. coli tests I have done within a 4 mile radius of my house in 2003. Since this is a remote area of Lake Michigan, lightly populated and far from any cities, it is not expected to be representative of Chicago or Milwaukee. Nevertheless, for those who don’t like the idea of drinking or bathing in the Great Lakes far from civilization, I’d say it was pretty safe most of the time as these tests show.
Note that the source of the pollution in the tests is most likely gulls and other wildlife, not humans. Other tests typically show an increase of E. coli after heavy rains, when storm drains carry naturally polluted water from rooftops, streets and fields to the lake. Human excrement isn’t a large component of that source, and that runoff volume overwhelms what kids may do at the beach.
I’ve always peed in the water - Lake Michigan makes the finest toilet in the world!
However, I would never, ever poop in the water. Not only is it disgusting, but I would worry about disease transmission. It’s highly unlikely we’d get a fish disease, but human fecal matter is chock full 'o bacteria that’s easy to catch.