You sure don’t hear Mel Gibson getting nagged to do chores. Just sayin.
Never had the problem, maybe a case of low standards for us both. We’re just happy shit gets done.
Oh, God, I used to date a guy like that. Good times, good times …
So, it sounds like maybe you should sit down with him and have a conversation about you BOTH adjusting your standards. If he takes over cooking for a bit and the food isn’t awesome or exciting, who cares? It’s a night you didn’t have to deal with it. At the same time if he’s off to get groceries, or washing clothes that need to be done a certain way or they’re ruined, he ought to make an effort to do it right.
Should he appreciate your extra effort? Sure, but from the little you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like you appreciate any of his effort at all. Frankly, if I lived with someone that acted like nothing I did was good enough, I’d probably stop trying at all. What’s the point if it’s never enough? Maybe he’s getting that vibe too, whether you mean it or not.
Sometimes a nag IS just a nag. Just saying. Some women (and men) just to like to complain, nothing is perfect, or they have a “right” way to do something that in reality has nothing to do with right or wrong.
Are you *that *tired of sex? 
I hate to nag, but sometimes you give us no choice. I am easy-going about housework and stuff but what irritates me is when he SAYS he is going to do something - as in, he totally volunteers to do it, no problem - and then doesn’t do it.
If you hadn’t volunteereed to do it in the first place I would have either done it or ignored it, depending.
Also, stupid things. Don’t open a new package you got and then leave the packaging strewn all over my living room. What am I, the fucking maid? Pick it up! Throw away the wrapper. And, the current argument, when you go take a shower, why is your underwear in the hallway when the laundry basket is in the bathroom, 1.7 feet away from the shower?
But I know I have annoying habits too. So I try not to sweat the small stuff. And make jokes about setting his underwear on fire everytime I find it in the hallway.
Dude, we are totally getting around to having sex. Really. We’ll get to it just as soon as the game’s over. Stop being such a nag. 
And no fair getting mad if we just lay there.
Please tell me he’s doing a sexy striptease for you on the way to the shower.
On the other side of the coin: some people (men and women) are too quick to call anything a “nag”–some discussion of household matters has to occur, and nothing is more belittling and infuriating than labeling any such discussion “nagging”. This often happens when the one being “nagged” is feeling nibbling guilt in the back of their mind, so when the “nagger” makes an innocuous comment like “We are out of garbage bags. Are you going to the store this week?” they hear “What is wrong with you, you lazy bum?”, even when it wasn’t intended.
On several occasions, my husband and I have both sat around getting increasingly annoyed at the other because we are both waiting for the other one to be ready to leave, but we don’t want to “nag” about it.
Theres your problem right there. If you arent going to store next week, is there some other solution? What you are really saying is we are out of garbage bags and I think you should go get some.
Leave it at “We are out of garbage bags, get some next time you go”
If the next time they go will be in seven days, you need to know that now so that you can make a special trip. If the next time they plan to go is in 2 days, you can probably make it, so there is no need for a special trip. Information about what they are going to do informs what you will do.
It’s nice when things fall into place. My SO and I have separate bedrooms and bathrooms, so we clean our own; we do our own laundry. She’s a much better cook than I so she makes dinner and I clean up. (Frankly, I’d rather cook … but she is very good at it.)
I used to do more to take care of our pets, but since she got her giant rabbit she does all lagomorph-related caretaking. I love the guy to pieces, but he’s a pain. 
Oh, yes. Another way it falls into place: I don’t drive, so she has to do grocery shopping. I put everything away.
Huh, my husband is a nag, and I never realized it. We have this conversation all the damn time, and I have never, ever parsed it the way you do. I’ve always parsed it as “We’re out of garbage bags, if you’re already going to the store before we’ll need another one pick some up. If you’re not, I’ll stop at the minimart and pick some up on my way home tomorrow.” After all, there’s no point in him making a special stop and paying more for them if I’m already going to the store, but there’s also no point in us doing without trash bags if I’m not going any time soon. Ditto milk, eggs, shampoo, detergent, and dog food.
HoD - that was really an excellent post!
The one thing I’ll add is, if you want something done a specific way, please be clear about it. This is akin to that whole “suggestion” rather than “specific request” way of asking that something be done, which seems to often break down along gender lines.
I don’t know about this. I’m perfectly happy to have my wife handle nearly all of the financial matters, as she is better at it than I, and I detest it. I guess we’re fortunate to make enough money and live cheaply enough that she doesn’t have to be the “money cop.”
Bolding mine.
This, I believe, is part of the problem. If he doesn’t live there, then it really is your living room, in which case he probably shouldn’t be unpacking stuff there. But if he lives there too, then the living room is as much his as it is yours, and maybe he doesn’t care if packaging is strewn all over his living room.
The fundamental problem here is that you can’t make someone care about something. For example, I’m very meticulous about laundry. I care about how the laundry gets done and because I care, I’m bothered when it doesn’t get done properly. On the other hand, it takes an act of god to get me to pull weeds. I just don’t care, to the point that I literally don’t notice them in my yard. If a significant other could somehow get me out there pulling weeds, the odds are good that I’ll do a half-ass job and there will still be weeds left in the yard when I’m done. It’s not because I don’t care about my girlfriend/wife, it’s because I don’t care about weeds and there’s no way you can force me to care about them.
The problem is, odds are also good that I’ll think I did an amazing job simply because I pulled some weeds, and I’ll expect some level of appreciation for my efforts. So she’s left there thinking I’m a lazy ass for doing a horrible job and I’m left feeling like she’s a bitch for not giving me the recognition I believe I deserve. In short, just because you care about something, doesn’t mean everyone cares about it. So if you care about how a specific chore gets done and your significant other doesn’t, you can’t possibly expect him to give the job the same attention to detail that you do.
I knew someone was going to call me on this. Thing is, he does care! It’s his living room too - he lives here and pays half the rent, and while we’re not the neatest people in the world, nor are we slobs. And he doesn’t love clutter.
Plus I find it’s such an easy fix. Packaging, in the trash can - which is usually right next to where he opens the stuff. It’s a nice tall one, too, so it takes lots of stuff. Boxes, all I ask is that he puts them off to the side so I don’t trip over them in the middle of the night and not leave them in the middle of the floor. Besides, if YOU got a package and YOU opened it up, it ain’t my job to clean up after your mess!
I try to make everything easy, like the underwear issue. The laundry basket is RIGHT THERE.
If only. Instead, they’re like landmines for me to step on.
Pick up his underwear and put it in the trash. 
My husband’s assistance comes in waves. For a while, he doesn’t see the mess. Then we have someone over or it becomes too bad for him to ignore and he goes into a frenzy of organizing, only to have the same thing happen again. My issue with his way of doing things (besides, you know, the junk that has to accumulate for him to take action) is that he focuses solely on the big picture things, ignoring the day-to-day stuff. So, he’ll pull every box out of the basement or closets, reorganize the contents, then eventually (meaning days, weeks, sometimes months) put them away. But in the process, I’m usually doing the dishes, cooking the meals, doing the childcare. When this happens and I complain, he says that we need to get organized first - get a system in place, then worry about the day-to-day stuff; however, what he doesn’t get is that failure to do the day-to-day stuff is part of what feeds into the overall problem.
My problem is that there’s so much day-to-day stuff to do that I don’t have the energy to take care of creating an organizational system. And I admit to half-assing things sometimes because there’s so much to do. It doesn’t help that the two rooms that get the most cluttered and require the most attention are the two rooms he considers least in need of a system.
Anyway, I wouldn’t presume to nag my husband over not doing something my way - like I said, I half-ass things all the time. If he does it at all, I’m delighted. Cleaning bottles, for example - it’s wonderful when I don’t have to do it. We don’t always do it the same, but regardless of how it’s done, as long as the kid won’t get sick from them, I don’t care how it gets done.
Re the OP: I think the biggest thing about chores is assigning them and communicating about them. This is an issue of some contention within our household since I’ve asked my husband to tell me how to ask him to do chores, yet when I ask in the manner he requested, he still wants to put them off in deference to his own agenda. And after I keep repeatedly asking him, it does turn into nagging. Regardless, it’s important to ask in a way your SO appreciates (don’t say, Will you finally wash the laundry? It’s filthy!), and be specific, especially if it’s someone who doesn’t do the chore often. For example, when I ask my husband to clean the kitchen, that means wash the dishes - bottles included - empty the dishwasher, run a rag over the counters and get all the stuff off the dinner table. When my husband actually cleans the kitchen, he just washes the dishes and maybe empties the dishwasher. I have to say, “Could you clean the kitchen? You know - dishes, dishwasher, counters and table? And I’d really appreciate you getting to it no later than before you go to bed tonight. Is there anything you’d like me to do?”