Ranting about my Husband

The BBQ Pit
1

I really wish he’d get his head out of his ass for a change ! I feel like I’m his babysitter half the time, instead of his wife.

Is it just too damn much for him to clean up after himself ? If he gets a drink, he nurses it and leaves it on the floor and forgets about it untill the dogs knock it down or he’ll leave it on the counter for hours untill it’s all a drippy mess and I end up cleaning that up too. He also leave other crap all over the counter, I clean it up then he’ll complain that he can’t find it. If he fucking put it away he’d know where it was.

I expect him to pack his own lunch for work, but that’s just too difficult for him to do. He walks around the kitchen muttering to himself “What can I take ? There’s no food here.” Until he asks me what’s for lunch. This is every fucking day. It’s not that hard to find PB & J or lunch meat ! The cans of soda don’t get up and put themselves somewhere else everyday !

Last night I went out, someone gave me a donation to give to a child’s family who has very serious cancer, there will be a blood drive for the little boy today, that I’ll be going to, the woman couldn’t make it, so she gave me the donation to give to the family. I folded it up, and put it in my wallet, separate from the rest of the cash, to give them today. When I got up this morning, My husband leaves me a note saying that he took all the money out of my wallet to get fuel for the car. He also took the donation. Why in the hell did he need that much gas money ? Why didn’t he ask me about it ? I would have given him gas money ! I called him up to holler at him he said “I didn’t know, I didn’t look at how much I took.” Well that’s why he should ask ! Don’t go into my fucking pocket book !

Now I have to go to the bank, twelve miles in the other direction from the blood drive, withdraw the cash, then go to the blood drive. We live in a rural area, there’s nothing close by.

It’s just a big hassle, I wish he’d start fucking thinking a little bit !

:mad:

2

I’d kill him.

:smiley:

3

I think we need a forum devoted exclusively to spouse-rants. I could post there on a regular basis too.
I understand, dragongirl. Oh, do I EVER. Hang in there.
My husband does the same kitchen thing, on a housewide scale: Do we have any diapers? Do we have any diaperwipes? Is there any milk? Do we have bread? Where’s the…
Arrrrrrggghhh! So now, I just answer, “Nope!” No matter what it is. :smiley:

Ah! And when the phone rings, he asks me, in all seriousness, “Who is it? Huh? Who is it?”. He does this, mind you, BEFORE I ANSWER IT.

<<tears hair and runs from room>>

4

I knew a woman once who took everything her husband left sitting around the house and put it in his car. It worked. Although I recommend announcing first that he is responsible for picking up his own things. Same with the laundry–announce to the household that anything that isn’t in the hamper doesn’t get washed, and when hubby wonders why there are no clean socks, say sweetly, “Well, I washed everything that was in the hamper.” (I know you didn’t mention laundry, but I bet it’d be there if you’d thought of it.)

Lunch? make a special part of the fridge that’s “Stuff For Hubby to Take for Lunch.” Direct him there when he asks what for lunch. Getting him to keep that section stocked is an advanced step I don’t recommend trying just now, but putting some lunch meat and soda cans in a basket in the fridge once a week isn’t nearly as annoying as dealing daily with his passive-aggressive pressuring you to do the lunch-making.

Bottom line–decide how much babysitting you’re willing to put up with. Is it worth avoiding the socks in the living room and the drink-rings on the coffee table? If you keep providing the services, hubby is going to keep doing what he always has. If you stop, and he’s inconvenienced, he’ll have to come up with some other solution. This may be inconvenient in the short term, but it’s up to you to decide if the long term results are worth it.

As for taking money out of your wallet, that’s just unthinkable to me. I know that Mr. Cameron wouldn’t begrudge me cash if I needed it, but I never take money out of his wallet without talking to him first, and he does the same. I know different households arrange their privacy issues differently, in whatever way suits them, but I personally would be appalled if Mr. Cameron had taken any money out of my wallet without asking, let alone all of it. He would be in dire trouble if he pulled a stunt like that.

5

Man, I’d start feeding him with a tippy cup and rubber plates. He’ll get the message.

6

Man, I’d start feeding him with a tippy cup and rubber plates. He’ll get the message.

7

You guys are way nicer than me. Can’t find something for lunch? Oh, well. I’m not your mommy. Wanna know who’s on the phone? Answer it yourself. Wanna know if there are diapers in the house? Look for 'em.

I say that because I’m spoiled, though. Hubby usually does the laundry and I fold and iron (I swear I’m getting the short end of that deal). We do our weekend shopping together so we know if there are diapers and/or wipes in the house. I rarely answer the phone because he usually gets it.

I did inherit a mama’s boy, though, so I do understand your rant. I had to practice tough love. It took a bit, but he’s fully trained, now :smiley:

8

You need to find some Chore Fairies.

I had these at my parents’ house when I was younger, and somehow they magically followed me to my new house now that I’m married. There was a brief time there, when I was single, when the Chore Fairies didn’t know where I lived, but that’s on me. I forgot to tell them I’d moved.

The Chore Fairies do almost all the household work. They cook, clean, watch children … almost anything in the house that needs doing. Sometimes they might fall down on the job a little; that’s to be expected (they’re so small!). I find that usually a brief word to the wife (since she’s the one that deals with the Chore Fairies) is enough to get them crackin’ again. Something on the order of “Dear, the kitchen floor needs to be mopped” or “Honey, the laundry is just overflowing” is enough for my wife to really crack the whip on those Chore Fairies. They take care of that stuff toot sweet.

NOTE: You should never be upset with your wife when calling attention to the stuff the Chore Fairies are neglecting; after all, it’s not HER fault. If you yell at her, you’ll only make her upset with the Chore Fairies, and that benefits no one.

Be warned that dealing with the Chore Fairies can sometimes be quite stressful for a wife; occasionally my wife has expressed some dismay about their work habits, especially when I’m pointing out (for the third time) that the kitchen isn’t going to paint ITSELF. For some reason, my wife chooses not to vent her anger at the Chore Fairies (where the blame lies) but with me. Pots, pans, and even the occasional butcher knife have been known to fly through the air in our house. Through it all, I remain calm, simply pausing in my dodging and maneuvering to say “That’s something else the Chore Fairies will have to fix” when a knife embeds itself in the wall or a pot takes out a window.

But these instances are relatively rare, occurring no more than once a day. Usually my wife and the Chore Fairies get along just fine.

So I’d definitely recommend picking up some Chore Fairies. Feel free to call my wife for information on how to do that. She must have tons of free time, what with not having anything to do around the house. I’d answer your questions myself, but the TV is on, and if I don’t give it my undivided attention it gets sulky. (That’s something else my wife doesn’t understand, despite my repeated explanations. Sometimes I think she just doesn’t get it.)

9

I know you’re being funny but, I swear to you my former husband used to say things like this to me. I knew without a doubt that I was going to leave him the day he said “The shed needs to be cleaned out. Let me know if you need any help”.

My sympathies dragongirl. sigh Obviously, I don’t have the answer.

10

I’ve watched my parents do this dance for the last 25 years.

Here’s what I’ve learned: you’re as much to blame as he is. Maybe even more.

If you want him to stop doing this, **you must stop giving him what he wants when he does it. ** If you break down and pick up after him, get him his lunch, etc., he will just keep doing it, and you will just get madder and madder. By giving in, you reinforce his behavior.

You need to have a sit-down. Tell him some basic rules that are not negotiable, like: no food dishes left lying around, don’t go into my pocketbook without asking, you have to make your own lunch. Be reasonable, be firm, and pick your battles.

Then stick to your guns.

I like the idea about throwing his stuff into his car if he doesn’t comply. :slight_smile:

11

Went into your wallet? Went into your wallet?

(I’m sorry, I’m stuck on that one.)

What did he say when you told him he’d taken a donation intended for a sick child? He needs to pay you back for that now!

When Ivylad asks me for money, he brings me my purse so I can fish out what he needs. I think the fact that my purse is full of crap may make him a little afraid of going in there.

I agree with the others. Quit babying him. (FWIW, how does your mother-in-law treat him? Did she wait on him hand and foot?)

Oh, and Sauron? Funny things about those Chore Fairies…sometimes they go on strike. I have found when the man in the house helps the Chore Fairies, the Chore Faires are more in the mood for bedroom antics.

12

Strike? They can go on strike? Holy mother of Nixon. Isn’t there some sort of federal regulation against that? Just to be safe, don’t nobody say the word “strike” around my Chore Fairies.

And what kind of sicko wants to have “bedroom antics” with a Chore Fairy? That’d be like trying to park a Cadillac in a closet.

Well, a Volkswagon, anyway.

Okay, okay, a Suzuki motorcycle. You got my drift, now quit hounding me!

13

Print out an Excel spreadsheet of things that need to get done.

Tape it to the side of the refrigerator.

Put a book of gold stars beside it so you can mark when he’s been good.

14

A man who is useful in the kitchen reaps his reward in other rooms of the house.

15

Well, they can. But Reagan will just fire them. It’s probably why the my laundry hasn’t been done in the last week.

16

Me too, and mine have been married for 35 years. If you’re the “enabler,” it’s just going to go on and on. Take your stand and stop doing stuff for him.

Which isn’t to say that taking a stand is necessarily easy. My husband has this absolutely infuriating habit of leaving garbage above the garbage can. We live in a very small, one-bedroom apartment, with exactly two garbage receptacles: one in the kitchen, one in the bathroom. And he continually leaves beer bottles, wadded-up tissue, paper plates, wrappers, receipts, junk mail, you name it on top of the counter above these two garbage cans. It drives me nuts and I’ve tried everything from teasing sweetly about it to outright anger, and nothing helps. He keeps doing it, and I keep picking the shit up and putting it in the garbage, because I can’t stand the clutter in so small a space. Arrgh!

17

How can he not know where the food is in the fridge? I am pretty disorganized around the house, although nowhere near the level he is, but I know exactly where everything is in the fridge. I recommend that when he start nagging you to make his lunch, you start making him stuff that is just not tasty. A few days of pickle and jelly sandwhiches, or onion and peanut butter sandwhiches ought to cure him of this habit.

Unless he takes a liking to it.:smiley:

18

LOL! My husband does something similar to this. When the phone rings he looks at me and says “Who could be calling right now?” It’s either he thinks I have esp and know who it is, or he’s blaming me that the phone is actually ringing when it’s not “convenient” for him.

I know sometimes he doesn’t pick up after himself, or clean his dishes or asks silly questions, but he’s a good man with a good heart and when something really needs to be done or fixed, he’s right there to do it. I’m sure there’s things he could bitch at me about that he doesn’t like but if I really think about it it’s a 50-50 deal and I can work with that. (except when it’s PMS time of course :D)

19

Jesus, just reading this made me angry. Holy crap, I’d wanna moidah him.

My parents have a pretty cool system. I remember asking my mother once if my dad was good about helping out around the house or if she always had to ask him to help her.

She said, “I don’t ask him - because then he thinks he is doing ME a favor - like he is helping ME with MY responsibilities when, in fact, it’s his job, too.”

I can’t remember if I thought “Wow, my mom is kick ass” or “Wow, my dad is kick ass.” It works for them but many, many women do more than their share around the house.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Marriage is just a higher form of adoption.

Tibs.

20

Once again, it’s the guy who gets all the bad rap. You guys should see my house–if it gets cleaned, I clean it. I do the laundry, all of the grocery shopping and most of the cooking. My sweet Marcie is busy being Marcie and has no time or inclination for the more mundane aspects of life. When pressed, she does help by pointing out things I have neglected to do. Tomorrow is our sixth aniversary, I have been major happy for the last six years, and I wouldn’t change a thing about her if I could.