This is driving me completely nuts. My husband is such a slob!!! I’m seriously considering divorce, but I want to try yet again to make this work, because he’s a good father to our kids, and I do love him (besides this problem of never doing ANYTHING).
This is the problem: He won’t do housework. Before we were married, we discussed this and I said that I always wanted to be a career woman and it was important to me to split the housework 50/50. He agreed and gave me some spiel about how he doesn’t want a woman to sit at home and mother him, blah, blah, blah. That was a lie.
I am making my way through life, doing the things that are important to me. I appreciate that, but it’s the CARRYING of the family’s welfare that is bringing me down. I go to school fulltime, work about 20 hours a week, and I’m a member of the military reserves. Because I used to be on active duty, I get a good chunk of change for my GI BIll, and my monthly monetary contribution is equivalent to my husbands.
So, WHY do I do about 90% of the housework? It’s not just that, I make sure the car is running smoothly, take it in for oil changes, wash it, etc, pay the bills EVERY month, make sure he gets up in time for work, do most of the grocery shopping, all the laundry, among other things.
When we were first married, I tried a standoff with the dishes, it was his turn to do them, so he was going to do them. After about a week, when the whole house stank and WE HAD ANTS!! I broke down and did them. Well, we have kids, and I can’t pull that anymore, they deserve to live better. All my friends know not to just stop by, they have to give me time so I can clean the front room. My 4 year old can’t have friends over much because the bedroom is always a disaster. Because, well, with all my good intentions, I can’t do everything.
We decided to split the chores, he has Sun, Mon, and Tue off from his job, so we split the week, he’d keep the house clean and fix dinner on his days off, I’d do the rest of the week. Seems overly fair, since he has 3 days to my 4. But, he does nothing besides keep the kids fed until Tue night when he does this shitty attempt to clean the front foom and dishes. But, he never does the pots and pans and won’t wipe the counters. In his defense, he does take the kid to the doctor when they need it, since he’s home on Mon and Tue, and he is a good father to them, in that he plays with them alot.
I just had knee surgery last week, and yesterday I finally got fed up enough with the house that I cleaned everything, regardless of how much my knee hurt. When he got off work, not a word was spoken, no thanks, just “whats for dinner?” I did bring this up to him, using those “feeling words”, trying not to attack him (even though I really would like to), and HE GOT DEFENSIVE!!!
What tipped this rant off today was that after cleaning the house yesterday, I asked him to take the trash out because the garbge is pretty far fromt he house, I didn’t want to be carrying the heavy bags with my knee. He didn’t last night, then left for work this morning without taking it out. We also have a 2-year old, so those poopy diapers stink. How freaking hard is it to take the trash out?
He says that he loves me and supports me, but we fight about this all the time. He just refuses to help out. I’m really about to give up, get a divorce, but what stops me is the kids. I’m not trying to be a martyr. I think I have valid complaints, and since he won’t listen, I’m hoping some of you will.