Hush little baby, don't say a word

The Game Room
21

If that Fly makes your pee-pee itch,
Mama’s gonna buy you a real live witch;
If that witch can’t cast no spells,
Momma’s gonna buy you some silver bells,

22

And if those silver bells don’t chime
Mama’s gonna bake a pie of key lime
And if that pie doesn’t taste delicious
Mama’s gonna smash up all her dishes

23

And if Ma can’t break all that crockery,
Mama’s gonna buy herself all new frockery.

24

And if those dresses aren’t so spiff
Mama’s gonna roll you a big fat spliff
And if that weed don’t make you mellow
Mama’s gonna find you a handsome fellow

25

And if that fellow’s got VD
Mama’s gonna buy you some Chinese tea
and if that tea is a bit too acidic
Mama’s gonna buy you an old Hasidic
And if that Hasidic don’t know the Torah
Mama’s gonna buy you a new menorah
And if that menorah doesn’t shine
Mama’s gonna buy you some Manischewitz wine
And if that wine doesn’t get you drunk
Mama’s gonna be in a downright funk

26

If that diamond ring turns brass
mama’s gonna kick that salesman’s ass

When that salesman is dead broke
mama’s gonna buy you a billy goat

I never understood why buying a brass diamond ring was anything to gloss over, someone’s going down!

27

When did anybody say anything about a diamond ring? :dubious:

28

Insert between posts 25 and 26:

If that funk’s less Sly than Bing
Mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.

29

And if that diamond ring is zircon,
Mama’s gonna buy you a kosher gherkin.
And if that gherkin ain’t just so,
Mama’s gonna make you a CEO.
And if you file for bankruptcy,
Mama’s gonna buy you the Presidency.
And if your country votes Obama,
Mama’s gonna buy you a different mama.

30

And if that different mama births eight
Mama’s gonna buy you a whole new fate.
And if that whole new fate’s not good.
Mama’s gonna buy you a brand new hood.

31

And if that hood’s not little and red
Mama’s gonna buy you a four post bed
And if that bed don’t help you rest
Mama’s gonna buy you a green ski vest

32

If that ski vest doesn’t fit
Mama’s gonna get you big fake tits
And if those tits don’t earn free drinks
[del]Mama’s gonna get you a bigger set[/del]
[del]You’re going to have to stop drinking top shelf liquor[/del]
Mama’s gonna buy you a skating rink

33

And if that skating rink makes you fall
Mama’s gonna buy you a big beach ball
And if that ball should start to deflate
Mama’s gonna buy you a garden gate

34

And if that garden gate won’t swing,
Mama’s gonna fry you a chicken wing
If that chicken wing gives you gas
Mama’s gonna kick your li’l chicken ass!

35

And if that chicken ass won’t fart
Mama’s gonna buy you vision chart
And if that vision chart’s too blurry
Mama’s gonna buy you a vindaloo curry.

36

And if that vindaloo’s not hot
Mama’s gonna have the cook there shot
And if Mama goes down for the crime
You ain’t gettin’ shit for a real long time
But if someone else takes the fall
Mama’s gonna buy you some alcohol

37

And if that al-co-hol ain’t strong
Mama’s gonna buy you a six foot bong
And if that binger don’t come with weed
Mama’s gonna buy you a cannabis seed

38

And if that seed should fail to sprout
Mama’s gonna feed you sauerkraut
And if that sauerkraut makes you cry
Mama’s gonna bake you an apple pie

39

And if that apple pie’s too tart
Mama’s gonna buy you a work of art
and if that work of art gets torn
Mama’s gonna buy you a box of porn

40

And if that box of porn’s too blurry,
Momma’s gonna buy you a coat that’s furry.
And if that furry coat’s too gay,
Momma’s give you a nice BJ.