Inspired by one of the skits/commercial parodies on Firesign Theater’s “Eat or be Eaten” album, I figured it’s be fun to do our own version of “Bad Brothers Bait-and-Switch store” (BBBaSS)…
if you’re not familiar with the skit, a customer (a millitary officer, and later the story protagonist) goes into BBBaS to purchase an item, the store is out of that item, but “just happens to have something just-as-good” and presents a totally irrelavent option…
for example…
so, in that vein, one poster will come into the thread looking for something (preferably something mundane), and the next poster will try to “sell” them a totally unrelated object that’s “Just as Good!”
Or i can post another thread that’s “Just As Good!”…
Right, then…shopkeep! I need enough flat latex Antique White paint to cover 1200 square feet of wall space, and I’m in a bit of a rush if you don’t mind.
Store-keeper! I invited the family round, and we’re cooking them hamburgers on the barbecue. I’ve got the meat and the buns, but they all like their hamburgers with ketchup, and we’ve just run out. Can I have a bottle, please?
Well, unfortunately, our distributor changed the SKU numbers on the ketchup inventory without telling us, and our last shipment truck was engulfed in a cloud of Killer Bees, so we’re out of ketchup at the moment, but i just happen to have something Just-As-Good…
Honey Roasted Shrubberies!, they come in a wonderful greenish-gold color, and are great for keeping the nosy neighbors out of your yard, AND they’re high in fiber and protien, low fat, and come with a free supply of black bears (which are attracted to their honey-coated goodness…) at almost no added extra cost…
ooh, sorry, fresh out - you’re one order too late. But I have something just as good - ten thousand 3lb sledge hammers. A few whack’s ought to do it, yes?
Well, all we currently stock is Used Paint (in the shape of a house) but since that’s too close to what you want, that won’t work, however i do have something Just As Good, something i’m sure you’ll absolutely LOVE…
Realistic, Lifelike Animatronic Robot Sheep…
i mean just look at the realistic walking motion, the Authentic, Synthetic (Flame Retardant) fur, you’d swear they were real…
I’m trying to find some non-evil windshield wipers for my car, but all the local shops just have the “Knight-Rider” style evil ones, anyone care to help me out?
Glow in the dark paint, you say, my good man? Well, any old Joe Off The Street knows that the only reason you would want such a project is because you want to see the walls when it’s dark. I can do you one better, no…make that three better.
I present to you, Uncle Andy’s Newfangled Light Switch. Yes, with this technological wonder of science, you too will be able to see the walls! No more clawing, no more messy guesswork.
Testimonials? We’ve got 'em, by George!
Aunt Sally, what do you think about your Uncle Andy’s Newfangled Light Switch?
Well, you see. I used to bonk my sensitive head into doorjams when it was dark and trip around, willy nilly on things in the dead of night. I’m so glad Uncle Andy has a Newfangled Light Switch. That would save me so much time and give me the sense of direction I so desperately need.
Yes, my good lad (or lassie), all you need to do is buy old Uncle Andy’s Newfangled Light Switch for the low low low introductory price of $36.73, disconnect the power and muddle around with the harmless wires* in your room and voila!
*offer void where prohibited. offer not valid in any state that’s not Guam. Guam’s not a state you say, my boy? well you ARE the sharm one. sharpest knife in the drawer, I’d venture to say. what’s that? you want to buy 3 Light Switches? you are a doozy of a customer.
We just happened to have sold out yesterday. Mrs. Finch’s 3rd grade class needed supplies.
Better than sharp knives and a potato would be this case of rubberbands. You can make thousands of things with rubberbands if you use your imagination. Our rubberbands are on sale today only - get while they’re hot! (the warming oven sold seperately)
Ah, you want to do some potato printing! In that case you’ll be delighted to know that we have the “Little Gutenberg” printing press new in this week, only $149.99 plus tax! It comes with this optional pack of printing ink at the low, low price of $13 for each of three colours and a mere $9 for black! Shall I wrap it for you?
A stainless steel garden spade, please.
You want a spade to go into your garden. For only $99.99 you will buy our exclusive Eddie Murphy Lawn Jockey. Impress your friends with this one-of-a-kind statue. Also keeps birds and bugs away.
Consider where I’m probably heeded after that post, I think I need a good size cooling fan.
A cooling fan you say? That’s nonsense!
Hogwash if I’ve ever heard a hogwashical statement.
What you need is a swig or three of Doc Brown’s patented Miracle Tonic. It cures athlete’s foot, incontinence, vaginal itch, dropsy, the plague, dementia, is good for your breath, and it’s carbonated for your convenience. If you act now, I’ll even throw in the fourth swig!
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