Heh, that’s also what I thought, but turns out it’s [post=14145147]Jennifer Tree[/post]. 
The only “problem” I’ve had with my son having a different last name for me is the deep revulsion I feel when I get a phone call asking for “Mrs. Ex’sLastName”. The solution? “This is WhyKid’s mother, may I help you?”
Maybe it’s because we live in the big scary city, but every teacher, doctor, etc. hasn’t blinked an eye at the different last names.
I had a lot more trouble myself as a kid when I had the same last name as both my parents. My problem wasn’t due to mismatches or hypthenates or anything “untraditional”. My problem was that our last name is a very common male’s first name. My files were forever being misfiled as Why, Not instead of Not, Why. It’s even wrong on my high school diploma. :smack:
(Though it did come in handy when naming my son. He got my maiden name as his middle name. Being as it’s a common male name, there’s no confusion over having two last names and no hyphen needed.)
Every time someone calls my parents’ place asking for “Mr. <My mother’s name>”, we know it’s a telemarketer and nothing important.
For the record, I have a single last name (my father’s, although for some reason people tend to write our names in slightly different ways). I think my parents considered hyphenating my name back when I was born, but it would have been a cacophonous mess since their last names sound somewhat alike. That’s why they decided against it.
This always comes up with the hyphenated names, and it always seems people miss the obvious answer:
The people with hyphenated names, when they marry, make the decision to combine or drop the various names involved. So, it’s up to the people involved in the marriage. Likewise, what combination of names their kids have is entirely up to them. And when those kids reach 18 years of age they have the option to change their names with or without getting married.
There really isn’t a hard and set fast rule about any of this, at least in the US. There’s a lot of traditions, which some people think have the force of law, but no actual requirements to keep, drop, or combine surnames upon marriage and/or childbirth.
Argent, if you find your hyphenated name is such a pain in the ass why don’t you change it?
As for me - I hyphenated when I married, BUT the husband and I agreed that if there were ever any children they’d have just his surname, unhyphenated. Funny how sitting down an discussing things can work sometimes.
I don’t question other peoples’ choices about their names, other than “how do you prefer to be called?” and “this form requires your legal name”.
May I ask why you think it better that your son bear your name alone?
It doesn’t really make sense to me to change my name to something I’ve never been known as. I always figured I’d get married at some point and change it, but that hasn’t happened yet.
Yea, because you’ve been known by your husband’s last name always. 
I know, tradition, tradition. It will be more acceptable for you to change to a guy’s name than change it to someone who probably influenced and took care of you throughout your formative years. And if you cannot do the former, then it’s better to keep a name you deep down have no desire to keep.
My husband and I both kept our ‘maiden’ names and a big :rolleyes: to those of you who think it’s about ego. When we married, my husband was in the military and it’s huge expensive to mess to redo everything, not to mention I have a brother with his name, which would have made things awkward. I didn’t change my name because I’m in the sciences and most women in the sciences don’t. I have no connection to his last name, as his parents are divorced. I’m well connected with his mom’s side, but I’ve never met his father, who’s an alcoholic, or any of his father’s relatives, who are racist hicks. Not to mention I’m very well connected with my dad’s family and ID as a [mylastname] which, where I’m from, is a huge starting of conversation since I’m one of the large ‘clans’ of my city and people there like to spend time figuring out connections.
We haven’t decided what we are going to do as far as children go, but we’ll probably hyphenate eventually and do so for our children. I spent a lot of time in Central America and working with people from that area when I lived in SoCal, so I’m quite used to double last names. I really don’t get the hate for it from people that have no vested interested or obviously don’t understand how it works within the cultures where it is common. Really, why do you care?
While I can understand why some people hate having hyphenated last names, especially if the names are long and complicated, I view it rather like having a unique first name. I know some people who say never to give a kid a unique name and that they HATE their unique names, but I quite like mine. In fact, I’m rather disappointed that it’s now in the top ten most popular names in the US because I still think someone’s calling to me when I hear my name.
It is interesting that many feminists will hold up the Latin American tradition of using both the mother’s and the father’s surnames as some sort egalitarian method that supports the tradition of keeping their maiden name. The Latin American tradition is still very paternal. It is the paternal names that get passed down. The only difference between our custom of always using the father’s name alone, vs. the Latin American tradition, is that the maternal grandfather’s surname survives two generation instead of just one. The paternal surname continues being past down until no sons are born, and then only one more generation.
Regarding the ego trip issue–a kid has to have a last name (maybe not legally, but you know what I mean), presumably borrowed from one of the parents. If he has dad’s name, according to this argument, all is well. But if mom wants him to have her name as well, it’s all about ego?
How does that work? My “Feminism for Dummies” book doesn’t cover it.
I really haven’t seen feminist use the Latin tradition in the method you describe. usually they simply use it as an illustration of “really two names - and different last names - isn’t that darn hard or really that uncommon.” I’ve never heard anyone claim its a matriarchal system or that its about power to womyn (and I’ve never actually met a feminist who uses womyn).
By the way, in at least some Asian countries, women keep their maiden name. Kids get their fathers name. Asian countries tend to be BIG on patriarchy - there isn’t anything inherently feminist about keeping your name.
I’m well aware it is patrilineal. I see it as inheriting both grandfathers’ name, so yea, it is patrilineal. I grew up in it. I think both are traditions, and not one is inheritently better than the other one. With that said:
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The two last names acknowledge that the kid is really the union of two different families (hence the two last names).
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Easier (at least IMHO) for genealogy, especially when they don’t change their name at marriage.
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For the individual woman, at least, since they don’t change their name upon marriage, there is a sense of “this name is my identity”. For those of you guys who scoff at this… would any of you change your last name, the name you’ve been known throughout your life, right now?
Shrugs. It is tradition, one way or the other one. And yes, both are paternalistic. But like I said, even within those countries, there are children/adults whose last names went the “opposite” way.
Oh yea, and to also raise the fact that nobody raised an eyebrow with all those names, their heads didn’t explode in confusion, and nobody questioned motherhood based on “but your first last names aren’t the same!”.
I suppose I’m as feminist as the next broad, but I don’t give a shit about tradition, and it had nothing to do with our choice to hyphenate our kids’ last names. It just seemed fair and sensible that they would carry my name as well as their dad’s.
As I said, I can’t put forth a watertight for argument why he should only bear my name.
Perhaps the best way I can put it is that he a name already: the one he was given when he was born. It happens that it does not include his mother’s maiden name, as she took my name (after much debate on her own part) when we were married.
Becaues we didn’t hyphenate his name when we were happily married, did that make him any less her son? Does adding her name make him any more?
ETA If she had kept or hyphenated her name and wanted to do it when he was born, I don’t think I would have had much of a problem with it.
Of course it’s about ego. It’s about the guy’s ego. The guy can’t handle his kid and/or wife sharing his name, because it makes him less of a man.
Isn’t that also the case in Islamic countries; at least when surnames are used at all? I know that where they aren’t used (ie Musa’s daughter is known as Aisyah binti Musa even after she’s married). Anyway the Iberian example is simply to show it’s possible to have dual surnames used for generations without people’s names getting unwieldly. You just just as easily use a modified system in which the father passes on the surname her got from his father and the mother passes on the surname she got from her mother (same-sex couples improvise).
I know one guy in high school with a hypenated surname and the only person who gave him any grief was one of the boys’ gym teachers (who called all the boys by our surnames). He kept demanding he tell him his father’s name so he could call him by his “proper name”. Oh, and his selective service card smooshed both names together (& I think it cut off a few letters from the 2nd one), but the idea of having to register for the draft at all bothered him more than his name being screwed up.
Haven’t read my posts that well, or did you just come in with an agenda?
I obviously can handle it. As stated in the OP, my main objection is really that it will be a PITA. I wouldn’t have had a problem with giving him both of our names when he was born, but I can’t say for certain because that wasn’t the case. Why do it now?
Oh wait, you’re not actually going to read or absorb any of this, you’re just going to copy and paste it and shit on it again.
Also…
I didn’t come here asking if I should let her do it, or fight against it. I was asking if there is customary way to do it, my feelings on the matter aside.
And since I’m confident that you’ll reply down-thread, I can safely say: Hey, you! Below me!