My future wife and I are having a disagreement/discussion as to the names that our children will have. I was well aware that she planned on keeping her last name and that is fine with me. It doens’t matter to me if she wants to hyphenate her last name or just keep her existing last name. The part that I am having trouble with is that she feels that our children should hyphenated last names. I feel that the should have one last name and I was hoping that it would be my last name. So, without going into the different reason as to why I or she feel this way I was hoping to get some other non biased opinions on this matter and see what the teeming millions out there think about the children’s last name. Hyphenated? Just mine? Just hers? You decide.
Personally, I’m not a fan of hyphenated names, nor of couples who don’t share the same name - but then I’m old and set in my ways. My first thought is that the kids are apt to deal with a lot of crap in school with hyphenated names. How does it work when you fill out forms and such??
Anyway, that’s a geezer’s perspective. Use her last name as middle names for all the kids and have them take your last name. Your FairyChatMom has spoken…
If both your names are short, it could be a possibility. Your kids will probably not be the only ones with hyphenated last names in the near future. If you both have long names, you should choose just one.
Okay, so suppose your kid, Billy Smith-Jones grows up and falls in love with a woman named Carol Williams-Davis. When they get married, does she become Carol Williams-Davis-Smith-Jones?
I could see this being a problem in a couple of generations if it becomes commonplace… 
Eric
If you don’t want hyphenated names then let them use her name. If that bothers you, then I guess that’s an insight into why she wants hyphenated names. :).
We’re completely non-traditional around here. My surname is rare and Mr P uses a name he picked up along the way. I use my surname, he uses his and the kids use mine. Kid number one was hyphenated (he was stillborn so never got to use the name), kid number two got Mr P’s name as his middle name. With kid number three, Mr P forgot to put his name on the birth certificate. It went from being a BFD complete with screaming raging arguments to not mattering in the slightest.
If the kids choose to use Mr P’s name or to hyphenate in years to come, that’s cool by me.
I’m female, and my name is my name - it’s part of me, just as yours is part of you. So if my betrothed asked me to give up my name to take his, as well as give his name to any children, I would feel that part of their (any my)history was being ignored. I don’t care if that’s how it’s done, or how it’s been done. Traditional, my sweet ass. My son has my name, and should I get married and have more children, I’d be in favor of hyphenation or perhaps giving one kid my name, the next his, and so on. Or, we pick a new name for our family. Any man that’s not willing to give up his own name shouldn’t ask his potential wife to do the same.
I’m young, but I agree with you. Then again, I hate my own last name and fully intend to take my husband’s should I marry…
My kids names are hyphenated, as was my ex, and they never have dealt with any crap about it. The older 2 are now in high school and have pretty much dropped their mother’s maiden name, all school work they turn in, they just use my last name. They are mostly known by my last name.
Their legal name is the hyphenated one, and that’s what gets put on all school forms.
A friend asked me about this at work the other day on why we did this, I explained, that my ex’s father was an only son, and he had 3 girls, and they wanted the family name to continue. No big deal.
When one of them is causing problems, I refer to them, that’s the ex’s maiden in them, if they are being outstanding citizen’s, then that’s my last name that’s the reason.
Mary Jones-Stephens marries Joe Hampton-Thinklespin and their kids are [list]
[1] Chase Jones-Stephens-Hampton-Thinklespin
[2] Chasity Jones-Stephens-Hampton-Thinklespin
[3] Taylor Jones-Stephens-Hampton-Thinklespin
on their birth certificates.
Chase grows up and drops Thinklespin because he doesn’t like it. Chasity drops Jones because it is so “common”. Taylor drops Stephans because he couldn’t stand his grandfather.
Chase marries Courtney Waters-Frankfort-Meyers (she dropped Peabody because it sounded foul)
Chasity married Micheal Schneotheimer (after he agreed to take her last names)
Taylor married Michelle Notshiemer-Sims-Taylor (and they decided to drop everything else besides Taylor)
Three generations later a great-great-grandson of Chase, named Galaxy Barber-Weston-Jones-Sweeney becomes very interested in genealogy.[list][list][list][list][list][list][list]GOOD LUCK
…:p…
I have a hyphenated name. It has caused me a little trouble (there are, believe it or not, people who think that hyphen means apostrophe) but certainly nothing major. My mom hyphenated her name when she was married, and didn’t have so many problems that she didn’t want to give my sister and I her name when we were born. I would never consider dropping either of my last names. They tell my family history - both sides of my family. People often ask me what I would do if I married someone with a hyphenated name, to which I can only roll my eyes. As for future kids, it would be something to decide later. It’s hardly an unresolvable issue.
I’ve never been a fan of hyphenated names, however a distant branch of the family came down to having all daughters and no one to carry on the name, so they hyphenated their kids names. I couldn’t disapprove of that.
I think if it’s so important to your wife to have the children carry on her name, give them her name, and give them yours as a middle name. If they grow up and decide they’d rather be Smiths than Joneses, they just need to swap the order of their names.
I take the more traditional view on this, compounded by the fact that I believe hyphenated names sound foolish. Wives should take their husband’s last name, if a solid system that works out the best for everyone.
As for alternating last names of your children (first child - husband’s, second child - wife’s, and so on), this serves only to weaken the sense of family and create confusion. What is the goal here, for everyone to have thousands-of-letters last names, a la the gnomes of AD&D?
Gundy- Just for the sake of discussion, was this child born out of wedlock, or were you divorced? If the former holds true, by all means give him your name. If not, I have to support the use of your ex-husband’s last name.
I think it would be cool if we had the following system:
Sons take their mother’s last name.
Daughters take their father’s last name.
Then you’d eliminate that crap about “I need a boy to carry on the family name.” Because both children could.
I am getting married as soon as the US Consolate in Manila deigns to provide the future Mrs. Six with a visa. She will be taking my name. Our children will get my last name, with the eldest getting her maiden name as a middle name. We chose this because we believe that everyone sharing the same last name promotes a sense of family. This is what we decided is best for our family. I will not comment on what I think anyone else should do, because every family situation is different.
I teach in a school district where about half of the students are of Mexican descent, and it isn’t unusual for them to have two last names; sometimes hyphenated, sometimes just two surnames, the father’s name first. When two people with hyphenated names marry, the wife will usually hyphenate the first part of her maiden with the first part of her husband’s name (if they choose the hyphenated route; many choose to just take their husband’s first surname.)
Thus if Maria Hernandez-Castro marries Marco Nunez-Rodriguez, Maria and her children would probably have the name Nunez-Hernandez, or possibly just Nunez. Very seldom are there more than two names hyphenated.
In everyday use, the first part of the hyphenated name (the father’s) is used most often, unless the parents are divorced, in which case what name is supposed to be used can be a big mess. I have seen court orders concerning which part of a hyphenated name should be used for a student.
No comment, just relaying some information.
I’m not crazy about hyphenated names – they just seem unwieldy to me. That said, I think it’s the only way to go when the parent’s have different names – it makes the family unit obvious, IMO. Mr. Smith, Ms. Jones and little Betty and Bobby Smith-Jones. The whole “forming a family” thing is only important when the kids are living at home, and once they leave, they’ll make changes according to their own tastes. For instance, my sister and her husband both use a hyphenate, as did their three kids. Terry and Kurt still like the setup, but two of the kids don’t. When their eldest joined the Marines he dropped our name and know just uses his dad’s. Their eldest girl still uses the hyphenate, but has declared her intention to take her husband’s name when she marries. Personally, when I married, I dropped my middle name and used my maiden name as a middle instead. When my kids were born, I should have given them both my maiden name as a middle name, but I didn’t think of it. I wish I had.
Oh golly, he was born waaay out of wedlock. However, I know others in similar situations as mine that gave the child the father’s name anyway.
My question is, why must it be the man’s name that everyone takes? If it’s for the sake of creating as “sense of family”, why not have everyone take the mother’s name?
I should mention - my son has my name. If I get married and my husband adopts him, I will hyphenate his name.
Why the man’s name? Well, seeing as how its the man’s job to propose marriage in the first place, it makes sense. The mother carries the child, nurses, etc. That’s her contribution to the individual. The father’s is co-raising the child, providing for the family, etc, and along with his contribution is his name.
I’m sure plenty of people here will dispute your assertoin that it’s the “man’s job” to propose marriage. And in many, many families, the mother is providing for the family financially as much as the father. So? What then? It just seems entirely arbitrary to me, in modern times.
[throwaway comment]
If my mother had hyphenated my name, it would explain a lot to people who give puzzled looks to this Hispanic-looking girl with a Norwegian name.
[/throwaway comment]
Hyphenated names are awkward, to be sure. But it’s a nice way, in my mind, of recognizing the shared experience of parenting. Any man that I marry would understand that, I hope.
I’ve got a hyphenated last name, and while I had to deal with a lot of crap growing up (a music teacher who only allowed me two initials instead of my three, for example). My HS classmates thought my mother was just the worst thing since the drinking age had been raised because she was a “feminazi” for not adhering to this tradition.
Feh. It’s fun. I used to want to change it, but I’ve dealt with it this long, so why bother?
Mythos:
“I take the more traditional view on this, compounded by the fact that I believe hyphenated names sound foolish.”
Any particular reason? My soph-year roommate with one, the other receiver on the football team with one, and my friend from Modern Euro history all want to know why you think their last names sound foolish.
Not to mention my entire family:) Oh, and Nancy Lieberman-Kline and Catherine Zeta-Jones.
“The father’s is co-raising the child, providing for the family, etc, and along with his contribution is his name.”
So if the woman proposes and provides the income, should the family take her name?