I am an ugly WOMAN, and I hate it

I know that due to nature, the law of balance or whatever else, not everyone can be attractive, so there HAVE TO BE ugly individuals. But I just hate being on this side of the fence… in my opinion, the grass is certainly greener for beautiful individuals - especially beautiful women.

I’m plain, at best. I may not be gross looking, but I certainly don’t get noticed. I live in a very male dominated society, and for example, I participate in a group in which we discuss philosophy and stuff. We’re all in our 20s and we invite people to join. I was invited by my sister. Other females in the group usually invite people because they’re friends with them, irrespective of their gender. But males in the group do this: they invite males who are smart, who will be able to contribute, who are intellectual, you get the point… but with females, they usually go by who is hotter and likes to party, but who also might not get bored by discussing philosophy. Yesterday we had a meeting and afterwards we had a few drinks (these college kids, huh?) and the guys were discussing female prospects for a good couple of hours… “so and so is HOT we should tell her to join…” “no, no, she’s hot, but she might not like the meetings” “she’s smart, but she’s too ugly”

I’m pretty smart (or so I’ve been told), but it seems unless you’re “hot” you’re off of guys’ radars… If brains are more important than looks, then why are looks more valued by males? I really don’t get it, as the guys who participate in this group aren’t statuesque Greek-god-types either… some of them are even uglier than I am!

I’ve been told I’m ugly on several occasions, and it sucks, sometimes I think I’d rather sacrifice a bit of IQ (but only a little) in order to be hotter… it’s not even about getting laid, but about the fact that men treat hot women better… it may be just because they’re horny and wanna get laid, but at least they treat them better. I often get ignored, or if I have something to say, they just don’t care. It’s as if being a smart woman has no value at all…

It’s all about tit size, face, whatever… my face is quite plain. My tits are small. I am pear shaped (I hate shopping for the same reason). I’m not overweight, and yet I still look bad because my bottom half is too big compared to the rest of my body… I wish I had big tits and no hips… at least then I wouldn’t look so matronly… “child bearing hips”, ugh, I don’t even wanna have kids (yet… don’t think I ever will)!

So yeah it’s pretty pointless and it’s the inside that matters, but you know what? that’s BS, if it truly were the inside that matters, bulimia, anorexia and other body image issues wouldn’t exist, there would be no make up, breast implants or any other superficial crap! And I know self esteem is my responsibility, but sometimes I really hate this superficial society and wish that Hollywood would burn down… I know beautiful people didn’t choose to be born beautiful, I just hate that society puts them in a pedestal to the detriment of the ugly population.

Alcohol and video games, simultaneously and for extended periods of time (and in large quantities).

Edit: That said, it’s strange that they’d even discuss attractiveness in mixed company. I guess it shows they trust you at least?

At least you’re not ugly and stupid, like me. I don’t suppose something like this would help?

But seriously, you’re right that life seems rougher for the ugly, especially ugly women. People (of both genders) are basically shit (though perhaps in this situation men are a little shittier). You’re probably going to have to work twice as hard as men and more attractive women in whatever it is you do.

Well as a guy who A: ain’t exactly a hottie, and B: Has liked, loved, and had fabulous encounters with several “not traditionally beautiful” ladies. Look for folks in areas you have a strong interest in. If you were at all into gaming, lots of guys there are more interested in your raid performance than your cup size. In SCA I see alot of women who while not smokin hotties are wonderful women by their own right who I would happily date. Honestly, several of them would not have tripped my radar unless I had the chance to get to know them first. One of them, who most guys would not give the time of day to, I would be all over that like white on rice, because she has an attitude that just works for me. Once you are in a world where people are going to get to know you on a regular basis, opportunities will eventually arise.

That said, I have had a 5’3" 250 pound woman tell me she will not date anyone who weighs more than she does, and just as many women go hunting for the hotties as the guys do.

So you gonna post a pic for us?

Yeah it’s just we’re quite close and they treat me as “one of the guys” which I also think is because they see me as plain or unattractive, as I have never in my life seen any guy (not even my friends) treat hot girls as one of the guys…

Life’s certainly not fair to the ugly, and good looking woman especially definitely get a leg up when it comes to social and even job situations.

That said, groups of drunk college age males are probably the most shallow lifeforms in existence, so I don’t think I’d try and generalize your friends behaviour to people in general. Twenty-something men play this stupid game when they get together of “point out the hot chick”. Its not really representative of what goes on in their heads more generally.

So the situation isn’t so bleak, there are plenty of good guys with relatively plain looking woman. Looks count, but they’re hardly the end-all and be-all of existence that you’d think they were from listening to the average fraternity BS session.

This.

I’ve noticed a few things from “pix” threads over the years, on this board and elsewhere:

a) People who lament how ugly they are usually aren’t really that ugly,

b) The genuinely ugly people have usually convinced themselves they’re okay-looking,

c) If the person does post a pic, they’re going to be told they look just fine even if they really are an ogre.

You know, I really hate those “ugly duckling” scenes where it’s clear from the start the the duckling is a real hottie with a bad hairdo and ugly glasses.

I don’t think we can judge adequately without pictures. :smiley:

“Oh no, not her! She’s got glasses and a pony tail. And what is that on her overalls? She’s got paint on her overalls!” “Damn, that shit is wack.”

Heh…leg up, and over the shoulder and here comes your raise baby!

Hey OP. Why are you ugly? Is your face all funny and asymmetrical or do you just have better things to do than learn makup & hair-do? For what it’s worth, age has taught me to appreciate honesty & cleverness over looks & youth. My first wife was a hog when we got together inhigh school–looking at her yearbook pictures I can honestly say her face would make a freight train steer for a dirt road. Eventually she cleaned up nice and a few years did her some favors. Then she became a complete ho and I had to lose her. Wife 2.0 is hot, young, smart AND honest. She learned a while back to appreciate honesty over looks as well which is how I ended up getting her time o’ day.

Are you Sandra Bernhard ugly? Cuz she seems to do alright. As a dude, I can tell you attitude is a FAR more powerful attractant than looks.

I hereby promise to tell her she’s an ogre if that be the case.

. . . it gets better. Eventually. Most guys become less shallow and appearance-obsessed with age. Or at any rate, the ones you deserve do.

(OTOH, what do I fuckin’ know? I’ve never been with a “hot” woman in my life, and have no interest. I flipped through the “Hottest Women of the 90s” thread over in the Game Room and for the life of me wanted to choose “N/A” for almost every contest. I understand and sometime appreciate the “hot” idea, but I rarely find it sexually arousing. My gal is beautiful because I love her, not the other way 'round.)

You need a better class of friends.

The homily “for every Jack there is a Jill” is true in my experience. Guys are just as uncertain as girls and given time can see beyond the superficial.

Relationships commonly occur in situations where people are brought together. Work. University. Clubs. Church. Being in a group and at college already puts you ahead of other girls.

Personality and intelligence count for a lot. I’d have to say being feminine helps.

From an evolutionary psychology perspective humans are attracted to those whom they subconsciously assess as good providers and good breeding stock. We are wired to make quick judgements but in an age of artifice we can also be easily tricked.

Another ugly woman chiming in here. And I agree… life is just plain tougher for those of us not blessed with good looks.

It’s why I largely prefer the company of animals. They judge you on how you treat them, not how you look.

“My heart tells me that Rand Rover has some part to play yet, for good or ill, before this is over.”

I’m curious. Why do you care so much about what these guys are saying? They are just idiots.

If you don’t feel comfortable telling them to shut the hell up, then I wouldn’t hang out with them anymore. You don’t have to be all feminazi about it. Just say, “You know, I think we should invite Boris [or whomever] to join us. I bet his dick is so long he trips over it. We can all take turns sucking him.”

And then get your sister or another girl to agree with you, and then keep going until the clue-by-four smacks all the guys upside the head.

Make it a topic of conversation. If this is really the kind of group that embraces “deep thoughts”, then the discussion should be good.

If this doesn’t work, fuck them.

Am I the only one who thinks those girls are way hotter before the makeover?