I am at the in-laws and they just spoiled star wars for me.

And that’s all they are talking about. Literally the whole plot. I am hiding in another room but I can still hear them. We told them we hadn’t seen it and they just don’t care.

I’m not liking my in-laws very much today. The movie just came out! Can we not wait a little while?

Divorce or mass murder are your only options. I suggest the latter, it costs less and takes less time.

I’m all for the mass murder.

I don’t blame you. If you go into it already knowing that Hammerhead was Lobot’s third cousin there’s really no point in seeing the movie.

Feel the anger grow inside you!

I can see both sides here. They’re all together, they’ve all seen the movie, they’re all excited about it, and they want to talk about it.

Can’t you just leave? “Thanks for dinner, see you later!”

And, since you’d be murdering your in-laws instead of your own parents, no jury in the world would convict you. It’d be the personification of the American Dream.

I was at a Christmas Eve dinner party last night. When my friend and I walked in, after the usual greetings, they asked if we’d seen it yet. I had, my friend had not. Everyone agreed to stop talking about the movie so as not to spoil it for her, and it was only discussed in the broadest terms for the rest of the evening. As new people arrived, they were told not to mention any spoilers.

I definitely understand being excited about a film, but it’s not difficult to be considerate, especially when someone has made it clear they don’t want it spoiled.

You could ask them to hold up placards reading SPOILERS whenever they speak to avoid sullying your delicate ears with inappropriate revelations. Or. y’know, you could accept that real life isn’t a message board and get over yourself.


“Don’t be a jerk” is not just a message board rule.

Even I know that spoilers are a thing in the real world. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t be upset in Anamika’s position. And I know my RL friends (yes, I have them) have at least tried not to spoil me when I ask–even those slip-ups happen.

The real world may not be like a message board. But that’s because it’s usually a nicer place–especially among friends.

Sorry, Anamika. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional. I do note that you sometimes have to speak up for yourself in these situations. I don’t know anyone who freaks out if you say “Hey! I haven’t seen it yet” and won’t give you a chance to leave.

Also, I never travel to relatives without earplugs. When you have loud in-laws, it can be the only peace and quiet you’ll get.

My wife asked “Why do we have to see this on the first night?” “I’ve gotta see it before anyone spoils it!”

Stopped in the men’s room on the way to our seats and two douchebag college guys stumble in: “That was AWEsome! I couldn’t believe [guy] was [guy’s] [relative]!”

I tried a withering stare, but it was more comical with my fingers in my ears: “Hey! Spoilers…?”
“Ohhhh, sorry, bro. Thought everyone saw it by now…” “It’s opening night! Seriously?!?”

Now, on the positive side, I was glad to see that this spoiler was explained early in the movie, and wasn’t as big a deal as I thought it would be. And I was actually relieved, because from rumors and friends’ theories, I thought [guy] was going to be [other guy’s] [relative]… which would’ve been [a bad thing]…

Thanks for the spoiler, bro!

Good. Goooooooooood.

At least they’re not like the jerks who put spoilers in the comments section of completely unrelated news stories. One spoiler was in the comments section of an article on the New York Giants, the other was in a feel good news story about a waitress returning a large amount of cash.

Complete utterly jerkitude

This almost happened at my uncle’s birthday brunch on Sunday. He did end up spoiling one bit (before everyone told him to stop).

As far as I could tell, he was the only one in the room who had seen it.

I’ll send over a guy. Be at the movies tomorrow afternoon and pay credit for everything so you have an alibi. Wear a memorable but inappropriate costume too.

New movies are right out for conversation at our house. It’s just politics and religion. Guns are checked at the door.

I’ll send over a guy. Be at the movies tomorrow afternoon and pay credit for everything so you have an alibi. Wear a memorable but inappropriate costume too.

I bet you’re a delight to have around at Christmas.