Just reading Maastrichts thread about depression brought back to me the realisation about just HOW GOOD my life is, and how privileged I am.
I had a shitty, poverty-stricken childhood, a tumultuous adolescence, got married too young and had four kids in pretty quick succession. Their dad left, then a few years later committed suicide, and I then sank into a sludgy quagmire of depression whilst still keeping the bodies and souls of my kids together…well, mostly anyway.
Yesterday was my 49th birthday, and I am very happy to be alive. My kids are all making their own ways in life, and I’m going to be a grandmother in November!!
I’m now living in a gorgeous rural town, working from home, and paying off my first house. It’s pretty old and needs a bit of work, but HEY, it’s got POTENTIAL…and I love it dearly, creaks and all. I’ve got a wonderful partner who might be a bit OCDisordered when it comes to doing the renovations, but I love him dearly too…perfectionist behaviours and all. All my bills are up to date, I’ve got no major health issues, and we’re about to embark upon a holiday tomorrow…off for 10 days to somewhere warm where the fishies are biting.
Y’know, I feel damned lucky. I’ve got a roof over my head, someone who loves me and I love back, and enough ‘funny money’ to do some fun stuff apart from just surviving.
I’d still like to win the lottery, but for the time-being, this’ll do me just fine.
The secret is to find something good reguardless of what the world is doing around you.
I lived through a spot of death, depression, marital issues, economic pain, loss of identity after the kids were born.
I seemed to recall one of the major turning points was realizing that it was all crap beyond my sphere of influence. If I couldn’t do anything about it, it wasn’t worth worrying about. And Boy does that cuppa coffee taste good.
Things are about eleventy billion percent better now.
THAT’S the key Unintentionally Blank. My life was previously a series of one ‘worry’ after another, mostly about things that I had no control over anyway. I can’t remember the exact time when that changed, but I know now that I rarely worry about anything at all…except that sometimes I worry that I SHOULD be worried, but I just can’t muster up the enthusiasm to waste so much precious time and energy being worried anymore.
Too much other stuff to do…worry just eats away the potential good stuff.
How’s that cute little girl of yours getting on? And how’s the valley faring now after the fires? I have very fond memories of Mirboo North, but in this weather, I’d rather be somewhere like Darwin hehehehe.
Awww…see, I AM blessed! Thankyou Shirley for your birthday wishes. I never thought I came up on the SD radar all that much, but you have just acknowledged me even more than I thought I deserved.
Fanks…and it’s time for me to go to bed 'for I am off on a BIG HOLIDAY tomorrow, and it’s just one more sleep. Wheeeeeeeeeee.
See ya’s in a couple of weeks: I’ll bring back some big fishing stories for you, or if we don’t catch any, I’ll lie about the ones that got away.
The little one is growing like a weed, cheeky and diabolical and outrageously fun. Her favourite topics of conversation are “Teddy!”, “Pa!”, “Cat!”, “Puppy!”, and “Flower!” so I guess those words make up roughly 50% of all my verbal communication these days.
Things are coming back to life in the burnt out areas. I went for a drive out there about a month after and shed a tear or two to see so many of the places I had fond childhood memories of burnt beyond recognition, but six months on (six months today, in fact) there’s a lot of green where there was only black and the first rebuilt house has been finished. Mirboo North itself escaped the fires - I was there in May, as we had a family function at the brewery restaurant. We still have fire survivors come into the store regularly, replacing things they lost or after storage solutions while they are waiting to rebuild, so you never really forget.
You sound like you really wish your life had turned out different and are rationalizing.
You need to recognize that although you thought it would be different it doesn’t matter.
Everybody’s got what they got, might as well settle. Like what you said. Life’s too long to hope.
