Most invitations that I get for weddings and whatnot have an RSVP card with my name on it and a little checkbox to indicate whether I’ll be bringing a date. I just got one for a Bar Mitzvah and the card just says “kindly respond by the fourth of February” and that’s it! I have no idea what I’m supposed to write on this thing. Surely there is some sort of secret invitation RSVP protocol that somebody neglected to inform me of.
Let them know(write or call or smoke signal) by February 4th, whether or not you will be coming? If it indicated that you may bring a guest then let them know that as well. Am I missing something?
Wife just said the correct response is “Will Attend” or “Regrets” if you will not attend. Add “+1” to will attend if bringing a guest. Not appropriate if permission to bring a guest if not explicit.
Groovy. That’s exactly what I needed to know. I also need to check my wardrobe to find out if I have “festive attire.”
Kids these days.
Response cards are a relatively new innovation, invented because so many rude people didn’t take the trouble to respond. The traditional response is to write on your own note paper whether you will attend and mail it. The newer style is to include a response card and even a stamped envelope to try to cajole the thoughtless or lazy guest into responding.
For a formal wedding invitation, there is an inner envelope which will have the names of the people being invited, or sometimes “John Doe and Guest” if an unknown guess is invited. If it is just addressed to “John Doe”, then just John is invited. However, I have heard stories of clueless hosts who just assume that people will assume that it’s OK to bring a guest, but that is the exception rather than the rule. I don’ t know if bar mitzvah invitations follow the same form, but if you can bring a guest the host should find a way to make it clear. (I have also heard stories of invitations to “Mr. & Mrs. Doe” and they show up with their four kids under 10.)
So, yes, just write a nice little note saying how you look forward to attending. If it’s clear that you may bring a guest, the note should also say whether you will.
What CookingWithGas said. But I’d add, too many people nowadays don’t seem to know what “RSVP” means, and don’t respond even when provided with a check-the-box and stamped, addressed envelope. It’s a sad, depraved whirled.
Even worse, it seems increasingly common that some of those who’ve indicated they will attend fail to show, without notification.
I consider an invitation without the words “and guest” a strict single-person invitation. It isn’t possible for everyone to bring a guest, so the planner (and funder) of the event chooses who gets to bring a guest. Adding “+1” or even asking “Can I bring a guest?” can be considered inconsiderate.
You probably won’t do what you are really ‘supposed to do,’ traditionally. The traditional way to respond to an invitation (in the days before the now ubiquitous RSVP card), was to respond to it in writing, mimicing the style it was written in.
This means, for a standard formal invitation (Mr & Mrs Who Whosie request the pleasure of your company…), you write (centerd on the page, on your own good stationary):
Mr. Frank Freido
accepts with pleasure
the kind invitation of
Mr & Mrs Who Whosie
for Saturday, the twenty-third of August
at six o’clock
If you are declining the invitation, you’d send the same note, but with “regrets he is unable to accept” as the second line.
If you really want to be proper, thenuse this format. It would probably surprise the heck out of them.
Really, though, what ‘RSVP’ means is ‘let us know whether or not you will be attending.’ Send them a simpler note, if you prefer – or a phone call, or an email – and let them know your intentions.
And, as has been said, if they didn’t include “& guest” somewhere on the envelope[s], you were invited alone. If they did invite you with a guest, let them know who (if anyone) you will be bringing. So they can write the name on the place cards.
Actually, this is the standard for an *informal * invitation. The standard formal invitation requests “the honor of your presence.”
I gotta do it: Cite?
Sorry.
“The honor of your presence” doesn’t indicate formality; it indicates that the ceremony is taking place in a house of worship. “Requests the pleasure of your company” is the traditional formal wording for an invitation to a private home, or a non-church venue.
Cite: Miss Manners Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (freshly updated), page 398.
Also: Crane’s Wedding Blue Book, page 53.