So, it’s red nose day. Due to my desire to not look like a complete idiot, I’m not wearing one.
Anyway, I went into our local oxfam book store - they tend to have an interesting selection at fairly reasonable prices, and the money is going to charity. While there I was asked “Do you want a colour reading?”
It’s apparently a way of telling things about your personality… by getting you to put some colours in order three times. Uh huh. They were doing it as part if Comic Relief’s fundrasing. It sounded humourous, and I felt like doing something charitable, so I thought “Hey, why not?”
So, I sat down with one of the women who worked there and she asked me to put some colours in order of preference three times, with a little break between each. Then she sent me over to the Colour Reader… Andy.
This man was straight out of the 60s. Long hair, beard, less than amazing personal hygiene, and the clothing. The clothing was awful - black and white checked cloth trousers, and the most god-awful multicoloured checked shirt. It was painful to look at.
First thing he told me was how interesting my selection of colours was (it was semi-random). Then he told me “Well, from this you seem to be locked into battle with the forces of evil, which are threatening to drag you down.”
I have no idea how I managed to avoid cracking up, but I did. Apparently this conclusion was drawn from the fact that I tended to put black and red together.
The reading then progressed from there. It was an obvious - and not very well done - cold reading. He occasionally got in the right ballpark, and when I pointed out that he actually wasn’t at all correct in certain parts he danced about trying to make it seem like he was correct after all.
At one point my natural sarcasm slipped out.
Andy: “You seem to be afraid to people ripping you off.”
Me: “Such as, for example, people charging me for colour readings?”
I don’t think he was very happy about that one.
Eventually he got back to the forces of evil. He liked forces of evil, and was very puzzled that I couldn’t shed any light on it. I was really tempted to make a remark like “Well… There were those demons I ran into a while back. You don’t think that could be it, do you?” or “No, sorry. You’ve got that slightly wrong. I’m part of the forces of evil. We’re battling everyone else.”. Maybe even “Actually, yes. I’m currently engaged in trying to uncover an evil hippie conspiracy. Thanks for your help.”
Alas, I didn’t. Too much respect for other peoples’ beliefs, as stupid as I may personally find them, combined with too great a desire to get out of there.
Ah well, at least I donated some money to charity and got a humorous anecdote out of it.
Remember - I am a valiant warrior of light, battling the rising darkness. I stand alone, and should I fall the world will fall with me…
:wally