I am feeling murderous rage (seriously)

The BBQ Pit
21

Hallo everybody. First of all, a big THANK YOU to everyone for their advice, their comments and their good wishes. They are very appreciated.

I am calmer and cooler now. Although I am still very upset and really angry, I am not feeling like choking that individual’s worthless life out. Or, at least, not too much.

TruCelt, your advice to exhaust myself physically helped. I have been going to the gym a few times to exercise until I couldn’t move. I am sure that the trainers there must have thought that this somewhat-out-of-shape guy must be nuts, going on the walking machine, and then on to the static bicycle, and then to lift some weight on the Nautilus machines, and so on for at least one hour.

Nonetheless, it helped me to work the anger out.

On June 28 I will be going to Spain, and I will be seeing her. I am arranging things. I got to talk to her on the phone today. Thank goodness it was on the phone, and not face-to-face, because I have never cried more in my life. Big, humongous tears. Tried to keep my voice calm, but I couldn’t control my tear ducts. I do not want her to see me cry, at least not right now, because I do not think it would be helpful. I will try to explain how the conversation went, although my explanation may end up being a bit rambling.

But… It was heart-breaking. She has been, literally, broken. Spiritually, psychologically broken. She tells me of a crippling (truly crippling) agoraphobia that she has developed. She cannot stand any place with people. The street, restaurants, malls… She gets attacks of anxiety and panic, gets horribly nauseous, and has to try to go back somewhere where she feels ‘safe’. Usually someplace where she stays on her own or with no more than two or three people that she knows well. She is very scared of this, and she is afraid that she is going insane, and that the psychiatrists that are seeing her will end up committing her. I have told her that I don’t believe this will happen, and I truly think that it is not likely to happen. But I can understand how someone under this kind of strain may not see it the same way.

I told you she was bright, right? Just to give you an inkling, she is fast-tracking a degree on biology at the Complutense university in Madrid. And this is going to be her third degree (she already has separate B.Sc. in Telecommunication Engineering and Computer Engineering). But all this has completely wrecked her study year, especially right now, so close to the final exams and everything. I have told her that obviously her teachers will give her some slack, but, privately, I do not know how much flexibility would be available within the rules of the University. I hope, however, that they can offer her exams in September and that she doesn’t have to lose one year.

She asked me what I most feared: “How much did you know that man?”. I said: “I thought I knew him. I see that actually I didn’t. I am so sorry. I never would want anything bad to happen to you.”

Later, I asked her: “Do you want me to go to Spain to see you?” She said, in a very soft voice, “yes”.

She was crying almost the whole time. It broke my heart.

On June 28 (I can’t make it earlier) I will be over there and will see her. I hope I can help her, somehow. Although I feel like a big water buffalo tromping around, trying to avoid crushing some flowers in the field but stumbling forwards towards them. I don’t know what I will see or what I will hear. I will remember, though, to keep calm, or as calm as I can.

And now, because this is The Pit… Won’t you help me curse the rapist? I am going to let go with a long stream of profanity against him, shouting it here, so that my friend won’t have to hear it and I will get it out of my system, if only a little. Maybe if we curse him enough here, we will affect the space-time continuum in some way that will make that despicable man somehow feel (even more) uncomfortable in his cell.

deep breath

¡ME CAGO EN TUS MUERTOS, CABRONAZO! ¡SABANDIJA MISERABLE! ¿COMO TE ATREVES A HACERLE ALGO ASI? ¡BICHARRACO MALPARIDO, HIJO DE SATANAS, CUCARACHA INMUNDA! ¡RATA DE CLOACA! ¡TRAIDOR, QUE NO SOLO LA TRAICIONASTE A ELLA, SINO A TODOS LOS QUE TE CONOCIAMOS! ¡ASI TE CAIGA UN RAYO, MONSTRUO ASQUEROSO! ¡OJALA TE DEN POR CULO ENTRE TODOS LOS DEMAS PRESOS PARA QUE PUEDAS HACERTE UNA IDEA DE LO QUE HICISTE! ¡MALA BESTIA! ¡NO ERES MAS QUE MIERDA! ¡ASI TE PUDRAS, MALDITO!

ahhhh… Yes. It is therapeutic.

22

Yes, I’ll help.

May he die in a prison cell, with his ass bleeding.

That’s my ten-minute mantra each day, I hope it’s as useful to you as it has been to me.

23

JoseB, won’t you please go to www.rainn.org and do some reading so that you are properly prepared to help and support your dear friend?

If you do that, I will join you in cursing the rapist.

24

Hi! I went into the website in question, and read the information contained in the links that you provided earlier in the thread. It is definitely a very good and informative website, and I have been taking copious notes from it.

Still I feel like a bumbling water buffalo, because, even though I rationally understand everything, there is a lot of emotional processing to be done, for me to deal with my own feelings. However, I will prepare myself for the 28th of June, of that you can be sure.

Again, thanks to everybody for your advice and support.

25

Thanks, Jose, for humoring me!

Be that as it may, then the rapist in question deserves whatever he gets in prison. And more. I hope he will be gang-raped by a herd of syphlitic monkeys with barbed penises. To the death.

26

That’s a bit lenient innit? Why would you wish death on a person like this?

What you really want is the barbed-peniid monkeys getting their rocks off AND a specialist team of intensive-care docs who can bring this bastard back from the brink each time he looks like checking-out. :smiley:

JoseB, you’ve gotten some really good advice in this thread, and I have nothing more to add but my best wishes to your friend and to yourself during these times.

27

I stand corrected.

28

Because rape is *awesome *when it happens to people who “deserve” it. :rolleyes:

Fun fact: You know who’s historically “deserved” rape? Women who dress “provocatively”!

29

You, know, the glorious thing about wishing is that it doesn’t make it so.

In other words, shut the fuck up, Guns.

30

Well, I would say that it is just deserts when it happens to the rapist, who is the individual I cursed at in this thread.

31

Sorry to somewhat hijack this thread about a disgustingly terrible thing that happened to someone’s friend, but I was just getting sick of listening to this shit. Prison rape is a real problem, and people just *joke *about it, like being convicted of a crime (not just rape) means you somehow deserve to be violated like that.

Rape is bad, period. It’s bad when it happens to innocent people, and it’s bad when it happens to rapists. It’s just bad.

32

I’ve been keeping my mouth shut because everyone else seems to think getting emotional would be counterproductive. I don’t know if I could remain rational, you are all better people than me, I’d try to do something about it.

Presumably the punishment fits the crime even without the barbed monkey penii. This will follow him around for the rest of his life. He will have no friends when he gets out of jail, his mother and sisters will know he is a rapist, any prospective employer will know he is a rapist. His life is essentially over, there is no coming back from this for him.

33

One can only hope.

In my experience, the family members (especially the mommy) of the perpetrator often live in denial and refuse to accept that their precious widdle snowflake could inflict such an act of violence on another person. That, or they will blame the victim (which is what my parents and church leaders did in my case, 'cause everyone knows 15-year-olds are just sluts who are begging for it). How would a prospective employer know what charges a felon has been convicted of? IF the felon gets convicted. Often, a good defense attorney can get the charges pled down to a lesser offense or even argue innocence based on… well it was the victim’s fault. If the perp isn’t convicted, then nobody knows what he did. Happens all the time. There is no guarantee that this one act will follow him around for the rest of his life. If there was, then nobody would ever rape twice, right?

The point of the barbed monkey penii comments is mostly that JoseB has taken/is taking the rational, thoughtful approach, but sometimes venting the rage and horror by making up ridiculous punishments, you know, helps you feel better about a rotten situation. We advised JoseB to vent here and not at his friend. So that’s what we were doing. It was just hyperbole to help draw some of the poison vitriol out.

To my knowledge, actual monkeys do not have barbed penii. :rolleyes:

34

Except the people who were saying things like “May he die in a prison cell, with his ass bleeding” were not the OP. They were condoning the actions of another rapist, just because in their eyes, this victim would “deserve” it. And, to me, they’re also trivializing a real problem with the U.S. prison system.

35

Your point was well taken. Was mine completely ignored?

36

Basically, I wished that upon him (among other things), only in Spanish. So, I am as guilty as anybody else here, or perhaps more (for I asked others to help me curse that individual).

And I will be completely honest here: That is the least of the things that I wish upon him. In my eyes he will never be a victim, no matter what happens to him. To call him “victim” would put him, in my mind, in the same category as my friend, and that is something that I absolutely refuse to do. I feel no pity and no sympathy whatsoever for him. May he rot alive.

Two extra questions, incidentally: It transpires that, during his short spell of freedom before his arrest, the bastard in question described in detail what he did to my friend in a Spanish internet forum (I am truly amazed at how little I knew this individual. It makes me reel). The forum admins, after realizing what he had put there, had the decency to permaban his username, notify authorities and put away what he wrote from the forum itself, but it seems that the text in question still is findable in the Google caches.

Question the first: How long until that disappears from the Google cache? Is it possible to ask them to remove it?

Question the second: Can this text be used as evidence?

37

Dogzilla: I’ve been thinking about it. And honestly, I’m still not sure I’m okay with there ever being a case where rape is “justified.” Plus, while you may have been being hyperbolic, it seems like some people genuinely would be okay with a rapist being raped.

But regardless, my apologies to the OP for in any way dragging this thread off the topic of what an incredibly fucked-up thing happened to his friend. Regardless of what happens to the rapist shithead (and I hope he gets the book thrown at him), my biggest hope is that your friend is eventually able to recover. 'Cause it sounds like she’s (surprise) not doing too well right now.

38

If I was the OP I’d buy a bag of lye and at night go to the guys front yard and write ‘RAPIST’ in massive letters. It’d take a week for the grass to die and for him to figure out what happened.

That, an slash the fucker’s tires.

39

what that shit deserves, is that the victim to beat him to deayh with a barbed basball bat. That he’s tied up and helpless, just to feel what she felt. If he dies? who gives a fuck. A shit like that does not deserve a second chance at life. Does not deserve (dunno how it is in spain) a life in prison, where he gets hot meals, tv, ‘therapy’ etc.

fuck that.
I’m so sorry JoseB for what happened to your friend. I know how helpless you can feel at moments like these, that you cannot shield her from the pain and hurt. But you still can be there for her. Let her know that there is no way on this earth anything she did that would have made it ok for him.

40

Yes, it’s real problem and it is a shame upon our society that it is allowed to happen.

I wasn’t joking.

It is bad. Horribly bad. And that is exactly why I wished it upon them.

There is no civilized punishment which would, IMO be bad enough for these men, so I have wished an uncivilized one upon them. And yes, I think they deserve it.

You might also note that wishing upon them something which happens in a prison cell would necessitate going through the court system to achieve that punishment. As opposed, say, to doing something illegal, dangerous, and unworthy of oneself. So really what I’m doing is finding a way to vent the anger which does not lead to thoughts of vigilantism.

If you want to talk about the horrors of prison rape and how our society should be condemned for allowing it, I’m with you, but please start your own thread.