I've never been this angry..what should I do?

Here’s the story: A good friend of mine’s girlfriend, who lives in Florida (we’ll call her B) went to a party as the designated driver. While there, she became sleepy (NOT DRUNK) and laid down n a bed. A total fucking bastard snuck in there, and raped her. Now this is a young lady whose parents are dead, who is recovering from seiziures brought on by medication designed to help her recover from a long and terrible bout with (I believe) cancer and who has generally not had the best life. She was due to meet my friend for the first time in a few weeks and they were going to England together. He’s been working 17 hour days and weekends with little rest, this trip the only thing to really look forward to. Now she’s crying, been apoligizing to him nonstop and doesn’t want anyone to touch her.

I am not him. I only know her by descriptions and a few phone conversations. I am ready and willing to find this guy and do terrible things to him, with full understanding of the consequences. However, the more rational side of my mind (which still wants to beat this piece of shit with sledgehammers) says I should calm down. I have never been this angry. I don’t get angry. Now I’m just total cold rage.

I knew that things like this happened. You go to college, you’ll hear things, or hell, just watch the news or stuff like L&O (and I’m aware that TV is fake, thanks). But this is the first time it’s really hit me in the face that there are people that brutal in the world. Something has to happen. No one should have this happen and no one should get away with it.

It feels odd telling all of this to strangers, but I need some objective advice: What do I do? How can I help my friend? Should I get him to call the police for her in case she won’t?

Yes, be sure that the law gets involved and this guy gets what’s coming to him legally.

The boyfriend’s obligation is then to make sure this bastard never walks again. At least not without a horrible limp (and pain).

She needs to call the police, ASAP. She’ll probably want to talk to someone first, though. Have her talk to someone before police are called on her behalf, but do it soon.

I know we couldn’t possibly suggest doing anything illegal, remember: Double-ought leaves no forensic trail, assuming the empty shell is not left behind.

Even had she been drunk and passed out, or been the bitch of all time, she did not deserve this and the waste of oxygen that pretends he is a man should not be alowed to get away with it.

She does need to get the police involved and contact a rape crisis center. There are some unfortunate things she needs do understand. If this has been a couple of days the physical evidence is mostly gone. There have been big fights over the years to make the police more sensitive to rape victims, but IMO they have only had marginal success. They will probably ask her all sorts of embarasing and imaterial questions that may prove to make her feel more humiliated. After that the local DA will probably chose not to pursue the case because the evidence is gone. It is still important to do because the kind of scum that figures he is entitled to take what he wants will often do so again, and maybe she can help provide part of the information that will eventualy put him away. The crisis center can help her through some of this.

One thing your friend needs to know. I haven’t seen numbers, and this is antecdotal, but a large percentage of relationships don’t survive rape, including long established good mariages. If he is able to stay in the relationship he may need to seek counciling to help him deal with how helpless and angry this has made him feel.

Why didn’t she go to the police? I understand if she was scared. But she needs to understand that biological proof will be nearly impossible for her to come up with. Did she know the guy? Were there any other witnesses? Isn’t there something like a crime against the state, like in domestic violence cases? That would mean that they would still prosecute even if she doesn’t press charges herself. You might want to check into that.

I think the most important thing is that she goes into some sort of therapy and/or counseling and does it now. Not only will she need it to deal with the assault, she’ll also need it to deal with any legal action she decides to take, because that’s going to be very rough on her. She may not want to go to the police, but I believe it would be best - regardless of how the odds are of this creep going to jail (which are ridiculously depressing). At least, looking back, she’ll be able to feel she tried, that she did something.

As for yourself - be there for your friend, and for this girl as well, as best you can. But don’t underestimate the effect this can have on you. Talk to someone about it (maybe not even a counselor, but a trusted friend.) If you have to, find some way of working it out - running, or hitting a punching bag, or something. I hope all three of you make it through this intact. Good luck.

Give 'em Hell, Sam.

Let’s none of us discuss illegal things that could or should be done to this guy lest this thread get closed.

The fact that she was or wasn’t drunk is irrelevant. The most important thing is for her to get to a rape crisis center and get much needed therapy. She should also get to the police, the longer she waits, the less likely there will be evidence to help with the protection.

Your anger is very justified but you shouldn’t do anything crazy.

Haj

If the girl didn’t go to the police or have someone call the police right away there’s not much you can do. A good lesson for other women to learn, don’t stay at a strange place, go home if you get sleepy or tired. The girl probably blames herself for the situation. She needs to get some counseling. As for you, all you can do is be a friend and just be there to listen.

Have her call a rape crisis hotline first. There should be one listed in any phone book. They will help her through the difficult first steps and let her know what her options are and what to expect. They can help her contact the police.

Do not take matters into your own hands, no matter how angry you are. She needs you there for her, not in jail because you beat up this loser. Getting yourself in trouble will make her feel worse and will not help her.

I don’t think calling the police on her behalf will help unless she is willing to give an account. They can’t take your word for it (or her boyfriend’s). Unfortunately rape often comes down to he said, she said. Even if there is physical evidence she has to prove she did not give consent. I would ask around and find out if anyone else at the party saw anything or even knows she went to lie down, not to hook up with this guy. If she reported the rape to you or her boyfriend you or he might have to testify or give an account.

I’m sorry for your friend. You can be there for her, but she might not want to talk about this with you, so don’t ask too many questions at first. Just let her and your friend know you are there to talk.

Ickworthy as this thought is, have her bring her panties and the rest of her clothes in for evidence too.

Do get her to professional counseling. I will send my sincerest wishes for healing to all involved with this.

look!ninjas is right that the girl needs to take positive steps towards empowerment. This is a very difficult thing to do though. The self blame is paralyzing. You actually begin to believe it’s your fault.

Your friend should encourage her that she has the strength to take the steps to grow back her “spine”. This is the best way I can quantify what it is I felt I lost when I was raped. I felt I had no ability to stand up for myself anymore. I felt I had lost my “spine”. Help her realize it can be regenerated.

Bright Blessings, and Healing to you all. Hugs

It might be therapeutic for you to redirect the energy you’re expending on your anger to do something productive about rape education and prevention. I don’t know what’s available in your area or what the needs are, but it’s worth checking out. You can’t change what happened to her, but it might bring you some peace knowing you’re helping to make sure fewer women suffer through something similar.

The police need to be contacted about the rape so that they can do what they are able to bring the perpetrator of this heinous act to justice.

I understand your anger as well.

Now… if only the judge was able to say,

“You sir, are a despicable piece of shit and are not worthy of any mercy. By assaulting and raping this helpless woman you have absolved yourself of any rights… you are a fucking worm. You will now be taken out behind the courthouse where these large and burly gentleman will proceed to beat you with these 20lb sledghammers. Your punishment will be deemed complete when you no longer have the ability to play with yourself… this should also prevent you from ever assaulting another helpless individual.”

Assuming this is several weeks beyond the incident at this point and there were no other witnesses, the police were not contacted and no bio samples taken, even if she can identify her attacker it’s going to be a he said/she said scenario which is a difficult situation to prosecute.

Having said this taking the law into your own hands and harming this person will likely result in a lengthy jail term if you get caught. So my advice is, don’t get caught.

Get him into therapy.
Get her into therapy.

If she doesn’t want to involve the police, that is HER RIGHT AS THE VICTIM.

However, if she knows the identity of her rapist, perhaps, you know, rumours could be started?
The kind of rumours that mean that everyone knows what the bastard did.
This works best if he is from a small town or close-knit neighbourhood.

Nothing works like a good community-wide shunning.

I agree with what everyone else said about how little chance there is of this guy paying for what he did to your friend after all this time.

However…hopefully she will file charges nonetheless just so if this guy ever does this in the future it won’t be a he said/she said situation for the next girl he rapes.

Either it wil make him less likely to rape another girl or more likely to pay for it if he does.

I’d like to add get her to a doctor. She should be tested to see if the bastard passed on any diseases to her or worse yet pregnancy.

Then just be there for your friend. Listen to him. As angry as you feel he feels even worse.

Good luck.

It’s nice to know there are still people in the world ready to pursue justice the way roaming lynch mobs of years gone by always intended.

We need more people who see that things like the presumption of innocence are unnecessary, only hindering the pursuit of justice.

More people like the courageous teens who went after another alleged rapist, a 16-year old altar boy, and beat him to death on the steps of his church. His innocence is irrelevant to the pursuit of justice.

More like the masked intruders who castrated Wayne Dumond while he was awaiting trial for rape, before he was proven innocent by DNA evidence.

You sicken me.

Irishgirl is even worse. The wounds from a quick thrashing will heal, a tarnished reputation is tarnished forever. As Mia Magness, the prosecutor in the Clara Harris case (remember her?) said, Clara Harris shouldn’t have murdered her husband, “[she should have done] what every other woman in this community does - take him to the cleaners. Take his house. Take his kids. Take his respect in the commnity and you can make him wish he were dead.”

I can no longer stand to be in the defiling presence of this thread.

I abominate you, you towering mound of corrupted slime. Your every utterance is like the slithering hiss of a fat maggot in the putrid guts of a decomposing rat, your face is fouler than the unwiped inner ring of Satan’s rectum, as Stephen Fry once said.

Oh man… it was all so good, the juices were flowing, your Pit mojo was crackling, and then … sigh… the leaden thud of a cribbed rant hits the deck “as Stephen Fry once said.” The apex of your rant is a quote!?

I was so ready to feel the writhing, twisting reality of squirming through a rotting rat’s intestines, because it was for especially for me, only to find it’s a recycled rant, because you are not confident enough in yor own creative abilities. I feel so…so cheated.

Here Cavalier, take inspiration from one of the most creative and masterful master Pit rants of all time.

Another bathroom etiquette memo: Do you have a prehensile rectum?

Cavalier: WHAT presumption of innocence? You mean like maybe this guy misinterpreted the fact that she was asleep in the presence of a bed as tacit consent? That’s bullshit.
Frankly I liked Irishgirl’s suggestion.

Sam Hell, if she doesn’t want to go to the police you (or her b/f) shouldn’t force her. In fact she needs support NOT more loss of control over her life. It sounds to me like she feels guilty, as if perhaps she got herself into this and it’s somehow her fault. It is not her fault. In the movies people just keep repeating this, not your fault, not your fault and the person eventually believes it but that’s the movies. Staying angry, hard to avoid but it probably isn’t going to help. Counseling might.
But, drag that it is, she also needs to be tested for STDs.