It is indescribable, the rage I'm feeling right now.

The BBQ Pit
1

This is in reference to this thread that I started a few days ago: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=1330752#post1330752

I know I’ll be going to Basic Training soon, and I know I’ll have to put up with a lot of stuff from the instructors. I can handle that, since I know to expect it.

This, however, came out of the clear blue sky. There was stuff leading up to it, but I never expected it to happen like this.

I was physically assaulted at work today. I was minding my own fucking business, doing my job. And then some asshole had to fuck with me. I thought he was my friend. I was wrong.

He sprayed some shit onto my neck. Perfume or something, which I am allergic to. I didn’t see it coming. So I casually walked over to him and asked him why he did that.

His response was to deny it, get up in my face, and challenge me to a fight. I didn’t really want to fight, but I wasn’t going to back down, either. So I stood there nose to nose with this guy, when the next thing I know I’m seeing stars.

The motherfucking, cocksucking, fuckwad son of a bitch headbutted me. Right in the fucking nose.

Then he started to push me. I reacted and swung at him, but mainly just to let me get away.

Then he taunted me, calling me a pussy and a faggot.

You cannot even begin to imagine the killing rage I was in at that moment. That guy was a corpse just looking for a grave to fall into.

But I couldn’t do it. I have too much to look forward to for me to ruin it by fighting back. So, once again I meekly submitted to my assailant, as I have done for my entire life.

I’m tired of being fucked with. I’m tired of being a victim. I’m so fucking furious right now, I’m barely coherent. I can’t stop shaking, and my head is racing with thoughts that, if acted upon, would get me thrown in jail.

Goddamnit, is there a target on me that says Fuck With Dave, because he likes it so much?

I will never be a victim again. If it costs me everything I have, I will fight back, with everything I have. All of my rage, anger, and frustration will come pouring out, and damn the consequences.

I just can’t live in fear anymore. I’ve been fighting this fucking demon my entire life. People would fuck with me, and I’d be looking over my shoulder for months. Never again.

Another piece of me died last night. I don’t know how much more I can give. I just don’t.

I need to collect myself right now, before I lose my sanity.

And I’m sorry if you think this reflects poorly upon me, I just had to say something before I went nuts. This is being written by someone considerably more calm than he was this morning when it happened.

And I’m going to the cops tomorrow, and I’m going to Human Resources first thing in the morning.

This motherfucker is not going to get away with this shit. It’s not the first time he’s done something like this, apparently, but it will be the last. He will never victimize another person that I know while I breathe.

I swear it.

2

Can we give hugs in the Pit? I’m not a hugger, but…
{{Dave}}

First thing: the kind of person that has to resort insults, sexual threats against your family, and physical violence (especially using one’s SKULL) to solve a work-efficiency problem is beneath your contempt. This incident says so much more about your coworkers than it does you.

Second thing: You’ve got a case for assault and battery right there. That idiot just earned himself a chance to be arrested and prosecuted. There’s smarts for you.

Third thing: By NOT fighting back, you’re showing you’re too smart for that. Too smart in general, and too smart to risk losing your position in the Air Force. That’s not being a pussy or a victim.

Fourth Thing: Ralfcoder’s previous advice is dead on. Start documenting everything. It’s very powerful. If you choose to take these guys on in a disciplinary or legal sense, it will be your word against theirs. While they are snuffling and grunting incoherent denials, you will be able to whip out precise dates, times, and descriptions.

Fifth thing: Your employer is obligated to provide a safe work environment for all of you. Inform them of the problem.

Sixth thing: Consider leaving. It’s not about “not letting them win” or “making a point.” It’s about you getting to enjoy your last few weeks as a civilian. You’ve got a better future than these assholes, that’s for sure. Bask in that, have some quality of life! You don’t need the job. The joke’s on these idiots. Even so, I think you should let your employer know BEFORE you quit that this is the problem. Even if you INTEND to quit–let them know of this before you announce your departure. They’re more likely to listen to you as an employee than as a disgruntled ex-employee.

3

I have to agree with everyting that Cranky said except the last paragraph.

My advice: don’t go back into that work environment!!!

It is hazardous to your physical and mental health - and NOTHING is worth that!

Call in and quit. File the police report. Contact unemployment, and if you so chose, a personal injuries attorney/employment attorney.

Do not risk anymore danger/damage to yourself by returning to this deathtrap.

4

I don’t know what your occupational health and safety laws are like, but here what happened to you would be grounds for worker’s compensation - meaning you’d remain employed on full pay but not have to go to work.

5

If what reprise says is true, you have just found the ultimate revenge.

Think about it, your co-worker is trying to make your life hell, but instead has just allowed you to get paid while not having to do anything.

While an act of physical violence towards your co-worker may mean little to him, this is the sort of thing which will stick in his craw for sure.

Especially if you send him a Thank you card :slight_smile:

Also, I strongly recommend quitting if you can’t get on workers comp. This kind of harrasment will not stop anytime soon, and will most likely only get worse until someone does something that they will regret.

6

Airman:

If you decide to pursue the worker’s compensation suggestion (which I think is a good idea IMHO). The first thing you should do is either visit your local ER tonight or your physician tomorrow.
Because this would be considered an on the job injury you will not be charged.
Having any injuries documented will only strengthen your case against the assailant and possibly your employer.

                                 Good Luck
7

I’m with Cranky on the hugs thing…are they allowed in the pit? Nonetheless, we’ll have to make a trip to the Baseball Hall of Fame sometime soon, because you owe me a crown, and I owe you a hug IRL. Fight the bastard, make him pay. And then move on. It’s not worth dwelling over, he’s just a loser. I’m always here if you need to talk.

BTW, how are your neck massaging skills? If you can get this crick out of my neck, I’ll love you forever!

8

Unfortunately, there probably is. A sign, I mean.

Predators are very, very good at spotting victims, and you likely give off the signals that they look for. Namely ambiguity, uncertainty, awkwardness, and lack of general self-confidence. Do you often feel uncomfortable in your own skin? That is a big one.

Now, in this situation, not fighting back probably was the most prudent course, but I imagine that there have been quite a few opportunities in your past where you could have easily gotten away with it. Am I wrong? Something has put you into the cycle of victimhood, something from very early on, probably.

Do you obsess about these incidents in your life? Do you run them through your head again and again, thinking about what you could have done differently?

You will be joining the service soon, you stated, and I have no doubt that all this rage that you have built up will be channeled into the brutal, self-annihilating discipline that the military provides. This will give you confidence, truly enough, but you may be in danger of becoming that which you hate: a victimizer. It doesn’t take much to change a victim into a predator, especially with men. Something as life-altering as basic training is more than enough to trigger this, particularly with its focus on aggression and violence. I’ve had a friend or two come back from basic almost unrecognizable…and not in a good way.

Your desire to never be victimized again is admirable, but you MUST realize that rage, even when totally justified, never comes from a healthy place. People can only hold so much pain; eventually it spills out and has to go somewhere.

Your best bet is to talk to someone about this.

9

Is there hate crime statutes on the books in your state???

Call work and tell them you won’t be in till this maggot is fired and you will sue the holy shit out of them if he is not fired. Then call the DA. See how likes doing 1 to 5 in the pen.

10

Good plan, sounds like a winner. You continue to live your life and he gets sacked. Even if he doesn’t get fired, you’re still coming out ahead by having a future plans intact. I speak as someone who did fight back in a case like this, and I feel damned lucky to have what I have today after what happened.

Don’t feel like a victim. Unless this loser is made out of money there’s nothing for you to win here anyway. A good life is your best reward. Blowing the whistle on this sort of shit and then getting on with your life sounds like the best way to handle things.

11

AD,

Next time someone goes to headbutt you, drop your head first. See how they like connecting with the strongest part of your skull.

It may sound wimpish, but it actually takes a stronger man to not fight back. If this guy wants to go back to his neanderthal roots, fine. But you evolved, and you know how to punish him. If you dont let him get to you, you will walk out the winner. He wanted to provoke a reaction from you, and it sounds like he did.

12

Go for it. I agree with Sleepless’s suggestion about going to the hospital. Best damned thing you can do is document the shit out of everything (including your injuries) and get thee hence to the human resources department. As a boss of mine said “Whoever goes to HR first, wins.” which, obviously isn’t always true, but it’s a damned good rule of thumb.

And I strongly disagree with Lost: DO go back, even if you don’t go to your department. At least go back and go in person to the HR department and explain that A) you were assualted on the job B) You’re just stopping by to let them know for worker’s comp purposes (in my state, you’ve got three days to file, YMMV) but you’re on your way to the hospital to get your injuries checked out and C) you want to know what assurances they can give you that you’ll be returning to a safe, non-hostile work environment.

If they’re a normal HR dept., they’ll be extremely concerned about “A”, they’ll urge you to do “B” and “C” will start the wheels in motion to potentially destroy this guy. HR departments do not like people who attack others on the job. It puts the company at risk.

And depending on how big/powerful the HR department is, you may get the sweetest revenge of all: a retaliatory punch only lasts a few seconds. A HR machine slowly grinding someone up like a chicken in a thresher, with documentation, interviews, investigations and all in triplicate can take agonizing weeks! :smiley:

And the outcome can be even sweeter: while you’re building a better life for yourself in the Air Force, he’ll have “Dismissed for cause” on his job record, a possible criminal record (depending on how serious the injury and how angry the HR department is). Imagine the fun he’ll have when trying to get a decent job for the next few years when his work history’s checked.

Living well is the best revenge and not hitting back was the smartest thing you could have done.

Fenris

13

Do I know you? Seriously.

That may be the single most coherent, comrehensive description of my life thus far that I have ever heard.

Fact is, the reason why I am going into the service now instead of 7 years ago is succinctly described above. I was a pathetic figure, the misanthropic, alienated teenage nerd. I related better to books and mechanical things than people. To this day, I am still exceptionally shy. Not necessarily in mannerisms, but in my own psyche.

I never became a bully, as such, but there were times when I thought about how easy it would be to just cut loose on people, become the aggressor. I always strayed away from that option since I was afraid of what I might become.

So I did it the hard way. I’ve spent many, many years building up my self esteem. It’s been long and arduous.

And then dickheads like that make me doubt myself. Well, friends, I am a victim. I allow it to happen, out of fear and self loathing when I imagine what I’ll become if I do what I want to do.

When I was face to face with this guy, I felt strong. I was finally standing up for myself. When he escalated matters, I folded, partly out of fear, and partly because I have considerable self control, developed after years of confrontations such as these.

But I just don’t know how many more times I can show such forebearance. Eventually I will not be able to contol those passions.

The military will be easy for me. Take orders, practice self discipline. Easy.

It’s when unexpected things like this happen that I worry. I’m not a monster. But if I start down that path, I am afraid that I may become one.

So in essence, I’m a strong willed person with no real sense of myself. I’m just frustrated with being the butt of all the jokes, the target of all the pranks, and the victim of all the bullies.

Hence my resolution. I will not be pushed around anymore. My will is greater than theirs. I will beat them. Physically? Maybe, maybe not. But I will be strong, and will do everything to ensure that my tormentors get their comeuppance.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, and since this is the Pit, all of you can eat the peanuts out of my shit. :wink:

Dave

14

That creep has the maturity level of a sixth-grader, and in a better world he wouldn’t have been allowed into society until he learned how to behave like a civilized human being.

The only deterrent that works with that type is to work him over with a Louisville Slugger until he cries for his mommy.

15

I just wanted to say that I liked that phrase.

16

Would it be a cliche to suggest that you also pursue martial arts training? I’m not talking about this from the standpoint of being able to kick the ass of anyone who messes with you (although knowledge that you COULD do so may be a source of great psychological satisfaction to you). From what I understand from people who’ve studied a martial art, it’s a big boost to one’s self-esteem and can be very centering and self-affirming. It can make you exude an aura of self-assurance that will make knuckle-dragging jerks (like your coworkers) give you wide berth.

17

Yeah, but you’re still going to run into jerks. Seriously. Plus, they’ll have the ol’ “I’m a big tough military dude” thing going on.

Listen to everyone’s advice here. It’s really good. Have you considered taking some martial arts classes to learn how to defend yourself? Not to learn how to fight, per se, but to learn how to defend yourself. Learning how to do that may help you overcome that feeling of “victimness” and build your self-confidence in who you are.

Good luck in Basic! Remember, it’s all a mind game. Shut up, do as your told and don’t talk back and it’ll be easier! :slight_smile:

18

IMHO a change of environment won’t do. There will be bullies in the military and everywhere else.Unless you do something to remove these thoughts(being a victim) from your head they’ll be there everywhere you go. I’m abhor violence but there are times when you have to stand up for yourself. I suggest that you clobber this prick. For your own peace of mind. Even if you wind up getting the crap beat out of you, the physical pain will go away. From there on out you’ll quit feeling like a victim and gain a great deal of self confidence. It will make a major change in your life.

19

What she said, squared and cubed.

From 15 years as an NCO, advice for bootcamp: It’s all intended to bring you into the military culture, teach teamwork, and give you the base level of knowlege you need to function effectively. Let it work. Don’t go ‘gung-ho’, just keep your mind open. Don’t take anything the D.I.s say or do personally, they’re playing a role, and they’re good at it. Keep a low profile, do what you’re told, believe the D.I.s when they tell you you’re capable of more than you think you are: Again, they know what they’re about, and are very good at what they do. Look for ways to help your fellow boots. It’ll raise your self esteem, make their load easier, and gain you the respect of the D.I.s, who are looking for teamwork anyway. Don’t think that having the respect of the D.I.s is going to make your life any easier, don’t suck-up. Don’t think too hard: It just makes basic last longer.

The learning doesn’t stop at the end of basic, it’s barely begun. Learn the Regs, learn the Traditions, live them both. Regs are written, and can be worked around, if you’re careful and smart. Traditions are not written, and are unbreakable: Don’t try. Be proud of your choice, and let that be your revenge on all the assholes out there, including the ones in uniform.

20

Best gird yourself up a bit more, AD. DI’s vary in their skills, but most are pretty adept at noting their recruits particular physical and/or mental weaknessess and doing whatever it takes to get them to either address them and gain some mastery over them or drop from the program. Or at least they used to… in today’s climate (low numbers of recruits, more concern about gender equity, etc.) the DI’s might be more concerned with graduating a full class. At any rate, don’t be surprised if the DI starts to crawl under your skin at some point.

Gird yourself up even more for post-basic life. Sergeants and Chief’s don’t always give a @#$% about you or the niceties of the “workplace.” And while HR is the chain of command, a Lieutenant or Captain will likely leave enforcement to the Chief or Sergeant.

Get HR to open up a can of whup ass on the chump you’re dealing with at present, and good luck with your Air Force enlistment.