Am I *ever* so pissed!

The BBQ Pit
1

Why are some guys such idiots? Okay, maybe they’re not idiots but I’m just angry and frustrated right now.

This guy, Ray, who I don’t know all that well, invited me to go to Ren Faire with him. He was bringing along Chris, one of my exes, and Paul, my best friend, and his own mother. Trouble is, only four can fit in the Jeep, so of course he outs Paul, the one I wanted to go. Now I’ll feel awkward with Ray and Chris. I wouldn’t have minded so much if Paul would be there because I’d feel more at ease, you know? But of course they’d rip away my comforts. Now I’ll have to spend the whole day with them and I’m too polite to back out.

Why did they fucking do this to me?? I’m super shy and they know that too! Why would he invite me knowing perfectly well that the Jeep was already full?? This I don’t understand and I don’t think I damn will. They would pull a trick like this on me at the last minute. Ray seems to not be concerned at all about Paul not going even though they’re good friends, and that makes me upset. I just wish I could scream but I don’t want to wake up the household. :mad:

I know that this isn’t too big of a problem compared to some in the Pit but I felt a need to rant somewhere. No one need answer.

growls and throws things around in a furious welf-like manner

2

Hey, what can I cay, guys can be dicks. I happen to be a nice guy, but I’m a long long way away from where your at. but if we were closer, I would show you a good time.

Oh and another thing, what in the world is a welf?

3

Welfy – all I can say is: If it were me and I wasn’t comfortable with the crew, I would back out. You are making them and their feelings more important than your own. You are doing a grave disservice to yourself.

Maybe you and Paul can find alternate transportation to the event. Just tell them that you will “see” them there or whatever. You don’t have to hurt their feelings to get out of it but you shouldn’t hurt your own just to stay in to somehow “protect” them.

I guess you have to make the call on being “polite” and putting up with a bunch of weird dynamics that don’t sound like fun to me or being “true” and breaking the engagement in a tactful way and having fun with someone you really like.

Who is more important? Them or you? IMHO, you are. It’s your life. Live it for yourself.

4

That’s the problem. I don’t know if I’d be comfortable with them or not since I haven’t spent a ton of time with them. Last time I was with Ray and Chris, Paul was with us too, so it’s hard to tell.

The Ren Faire is an hour away. I don’t see how we could get transportation there, since neither me nor Paul drive, I can’t see Paul’s mom being generous enough to take us, Dad can’t take me and Mom has an ear infection that makes her unable to drive temporarily. I feel like I’m screwed either way.

5

Take the bus? Usually cheap, at least in my neck of the woods. But then again I live in a little hick town in Northern California

6

We don’t have buses either. I also live in a hick town.

7

I am so so very sorry.
Hick towns suck. and you still havent answered me, what is a Welf?

8

Poor Welf! I think you just got caught in the warp called Guy Denial. See, it wasn’t deliberate, it was just obtuse.

True fact, no matter what guys may discuss among themselves when suitably lubricated, it wouldn’t be recognizable to women as “relationship stuff” and it all sinks right back into the mystifying cortex as soon as they sober up.

This is sterotyping madly, but hey, you’re in pain here. See, guys in general loathe touchy-feely stuff, by which I mean relationship subtleties. The stuff women spot a mile off, and can dissect in detail, is usually forthrightly ignored by guys as no big deal. Different perspectives here.

This is a WAG, but I’d bet the rationale was something like, “goal=Ren Fair; logistics=open; don’t sweat the rest.”

Trying to explain your concern would just baffle and frustrate your cohorts. My suggestion? accept that the event won’t carry romantic opportunities, shrug, accept, and enjoy the hell out of the fair anyway. Obliviousness can cut two ways. Just…enjoy the fair for itself.

Veb

9

I’m a welf. :^)

Here’s the story: Back a million years ago (okay, so I was 15) there was the old SDMB, only back then it was on AOL. My screen name was WillowElf7 and I was a reg. Back then, there were only two separate forums, and one of them was General Questions. And in that forum there was a MPSIMS thread. I posted on that thread quite often.
One day this girl, Maitland, was reading through and saw my screen name and thought that it said “WilloWelf7” and just started calling me Welf. It caught on like wildfire, and before long, almost no one remembered my old name, and from then on I was known as Welf and/or Welfy.

Happy now? :^)

PS Hick towns don’t always suck. There are a lot of fields and forests to do fun things in, and I can walk around outside without anyone but farmers seeing me. Don’t have to worry about nosy neighbors either.

10

Would you be talking about walking around nekkid in farmers fields?
A favorite pasttime of mine.
And I like the welf story, I used to hang around the Straight Dope on AOL too, but never got into the messageboard.

11

I know how you feel. I got talked into going on a camping trip tomorrow. The difference is, I knew what it was going to be from the beginning. My friend talked me into it, and now I’m regretting the hell out of it. I was too much of a puss to just say no. And now I’m stuck.

The thing is, this means I’ll be sleeping on the ground. Which is a problem because I have an extremely hard time sleeping on anything that isn’t a bed. So I’m looking forward to spending eight hours lying there on the ground, staring up at the sky, and trying to fall asleep. Not to mention, there’s only two people there I like, the others annoy the hell out of me. This is going to be a very umpleasent weekend.

Friends, give me the strength not to kill them.

12

I seriously thought about doing that today. <eg>

But alas, you can never be totally safe…so I just walked around nekkid in the house. :^)

13

Why is it that all the cool chicks that like to walk around naked live like 3000 miles away from me?
I think I need to move.
Welfy, got an extra room?

14

No, but we have a barn.

15

Hmm, a barn, let’s see, goats for felching, plenty of room for partys, all I would need is a hot tub and a hammock. I’d be set.

16

  1. From a fellow hick town/country dweller: Right On! There are lots of advantages to living out in the boonies. Pastoral beauty, plenty of privacy, you can get the mail in your BVD’s in peace and quiet. Civilization is only a short trip away, rather than with you constantly without reprieve.

  2. <b>FOR VEB</b> Damn, but you have a superior understanding of the male psyche. As a card (testicle?) carrying male involved in a long term relationship (12 years of marriage) I beg you to spread this understanding amongst your female compatriots. Remember – We’re not inconsiderate, we’re just obtuse!

  3. On the OP: If you can’t come up with alternate transport plans for you and your pal Paul, make the best of the situation as it presents itself. Since you don’t actively dislike the fellows you’re going with, do your best to accept them for their ownselves and have a wunnerful time at the Ren Fair.

So you don’t get to spend the day with Paul. Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, does it? And you might make some new friends.

I understand the shyness factor, but think of it this way. These guys want you to go with them. They wouldn’t have asked you if they didn’t. So there’s no need to be shy. Relax. Have fun. Change your unfamiliarilty with these people from a negative to a positive. These are just friends you haven’t gotten to know yet! (Ohmigod, I’ve slipped into Clicheland!) You must share some interests since you all want to go to the Ren Fair. (Personally, I enjoy the Stimpy Fairs much more m’self.)

17

Hey, thanks, Frankd6, appreciate the kind words. But you have to remind your buddies that they have a beholden duty to cultivate selective amnesia about women, okay?

It’s a survival skill that far outweighs most of the stuff taught in schools.

True fact in gender issues: accept, don’t argue and don’t quibble if you want to retain the tiniest illusion about the opposite sex. Accept, go on, enjoy.

About the outdoorsy stuff: it takes time. “Camping” for too many folks means imposing everyday life. Won’t happen. The ground is hard and bumpy, you have to figure out toilet needs when sleep befuddled and creature comforts require work.

That’s the point. Comforts drug you, and blind you to sublimity. It isn’t deprivation or threat, it’s opportunity. There’s a line between bug spray, ergonomic mattresses, running water and electronic devices and getting down to basics.

Enjoy the differences. No, you won’t sleep the same. Why should you? Look at the sky, and engage your overworked brain with the rest of you. Short of sleep? You haven’t tossed and turned in your own comfy bed for mundane worries?

Give it a chance, and don’t try to equate 1 for 1. They complement each other. Give it a chance and food will never taste better, air smell sweeter or stars be more clear.

After 2 weeks rafting through the Grand Canyon (oar, not motor, thanks anyway) I couldn’t bear to be under roof. I lapsed back into slothful habit, but would ditch everything in a skinny minute to do it again. My garden and “hick town” are blissful compromises.

Oh dang, I got wordy again.
Well, phooey. But apologies to Welfy for derailing her thread.

Dreaming of raft trips,
Veb

18

FreakFreely – “So I’m looking forward to spending eight hours lying there on the ground, staring up at the sky, and trying to fall asleep”

Oh, man, to me this is heaven!

Tveblen – “After 2 weeks rafting through the Grand Canyon (oar, not motor, thanks anyway) I couldn’t bear to be under roof.”

As most of you know: I spend the bulk of the summer running the Colorado River. By oar, not motor, and that is a fine distinction, Tveblen… there IS a huge difference. Anyway, I cannot think of anything finer in this world than to be out there, rowing my arms off against rapids that most only see on TV if that…

And I sleep in a slight sleeping bag under stars that you cannot see in the city.

I usually take my flute and play within the canyon walls and delight in the echo of the music I make.

Really, I can just get down right poetic about it but if you have not, or will not, enjoy this wondrous majesty for all it’s worth, I pity you.

You don’t know the sheer joy of being until you have pitted yourself against the river and it has thrust you out unscathed. And then you spend the night enraptured with the overwhelming, intoxicating darkness that only the deepest canyon can offer.

19

Actually, I rather enjoy staring at the sky. It’s the main reason I like camping, the stars and whatnot. But combine that with alcohol and a hangover, not to mention I probably won’t get any sleep (I’m an insomniac and can’t go camping without an air mattress), and it starts to get a bit less appealing.

20

Welf, did your “ex” engineer this so as to spend a day in your company? To try to win you back?