We are “independent” and it really SUCKS to have to depend on other people. The worst is if you ever have an operation and have to call the nurse to stick a tube up you so you can go to the bathroom! That is a basic thing you do yourself - going to the bathroom. Relying on someone else is quite depressing to say the least.
Anyway with time we adjust. Eventually you will thank and appreciate those who help you! There are plenty more out there who will not lift a finger for you!
Chances are you’re not upset at them for doing something nice, you’re upset at your medical conditions that prevent you from doing them yourself. They’ve just made themselves an easy target for that anger and frustration.
The cousin and his/her kids are doing it because they want to, and because it makes them feel good and useful. Pay it forward when you can, even if it’s just something small like taking the time to write a nice complimentary reply to one of the regulars here.
Send 'em to my place, they can mow all they want! I’ll even let them trim, edge, weed eat, wash the windows, take out the trash. If I had a dog, they could walk it.
But yeah, just try to take it in the good intentioned way it was offered, even if it does rub you the wrong way. There might be a time when there’s a favor you really need, it’d be a shame to alienate do-gooders.
I live on property with Horse privileges, and have around 3/4 acre of Pasture. We don’t keep horses, so the grass needs to be mowed every few weeks. I used to do it with a gasoline push mower. It would take me the better part of a morning to get it done, especially if the grass was high. My Wife kept pushing me to get a riding lawn mower, and I kept resisting, because, you know, I’m not a damn, lazy fat-ass. I can mow the damn yard manually!
Well, she finally insisted, and I bought a used riding mower. And, you know what?
It’s great.
I’d rather go to the gym than push the lawnmower for 2 hours anyway.
So, Skald - Enjoy it. Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should!
BTW - I had heart surgery myself - I’d be happy to discuss with you off-line if you want.
WhyNot, that has been the most articulate post I have read in some time. Well Done!
Skald, it sucks having your limits shoved in your face. How have you dealt with those feelings in the past and maybe it is worth considering the possibility that, as others have said, that you are suffering from depression?
I’ve spent 11 years wathing my blood glucose mostly because I was terriifed of going blind. Now my vision sucks even though my A1c is fiine. I’ve walked zillions of miles and skipped thousands of cupcakes for nothing. which sounds petty but still pisses me off.
Envision yourself, bathed in sweat, while the dry grass flies up and sticks to you. You even get a little in your mouth. A horsefly bites you, gnats are swarming your head. Your water bottle is already warm. That’s what you missed today. It’s hot as hell out there. Maybe you can wait until it is a perfectly nice day to be out to be pissed. But I promise you it isn’t today.
Yeah, I hear that. My DM has let me with burning feet and a hole in my vision despite keeping A1C okay. Yet I’ve avoided a 2nd heart attack for over 19 years now, my kidneys work okay, and my love life is pretty damn good, all at age 58.6
Them’s the breaks, it’s the hand we were dealt and we’re not playing it too badly, keep your gratitude list handy, and don’t spend too much time on the pity pot, because all you get out of it is a ring around your ass. I know this to be true.
First… I hope you do well. Allow the doctors to take care of you and hopefully you will have many years of feeling emasculated and unappreciative ahead of you.
My son had cancer when he was eight and people kept bringing us dinners (that’s what we do in the Midwest). I felt irritated because I can still take care of my family damn it. Turns out some of the dinners were really good and we asked for the recipe (some sucked as well).
Last October I was diagnosed with a hereditary condition. The condition causes fatigue and the treatment causes fatigue… double whammy. Again, friends and family wanted to help and my reaction was “I’m not dead damn it, I’m just tired.” (really really tired)
It finally dawned on me that we have “helped out” many friends and family by doing little things. I realized I never did it because I thought they couldn’t, but instead I thought it could make things just a bit easier for them. Kind of like holding open a door for someone. It isn’t because I don’t think they can’t open it, but it is a nice thing to do for them.
Let the doctors take care of you… let your friends and family take care of you. Nobody thinks any the less of you. Spend your energy getting better.
You’re renting. Isn’t it totally normal for the landlord to come over to do maintenance for you? Lots of rental house companies employ landscaping services to make sure the house always looks good.
Of course you are grumpy. Sick people have every right to be grumpy.
Damn man, not only didn’t they get off your yard, they mowed it too?!?! Damn young people!
Back to reality, you are hurting and people who love & care for you helped you. I’ve been busted up a number of times and I have found when you are down you even it out when & however you can.
Your legacy is by deed and example; strength comes in many forms. You hate showing weakness. Show your strength of character, intellect and honor by accepting your good fortune with grace and empathy. Your children, family and friends will be better for it. They can learn from you.
Having a physical problem doesn’t equal a fault or failure of character.
