I'm just so fucking.....angry

The BBQ Pit
1

It’s not one thing, it’s every. fucking. thing. The house is a mess, the lawn needs mowed, the bills need to be paid, the car needs to be fixed, the child needs to go to the dentist, the husband is sick…ad infinitum…and I’m the ONLY one who is here to handle the shit. No one is going to help me in any way, shape, or form. I know, I need to grow up and handle my shit. And I will, because I always do, but it doesn’t suck any less and I can’t help being angry, frustrated, and tired.

I feel like no matter how much I do it isn’t enough, no one is happy and everyone looks to me to fix it. What I want to know is, who do I get to go to when I need something??? There isn’t anyone, because they all rely on me.

Then, to top is all off, my friend who was supposed to give me a massage today flaked out on me. I’ve been trying to get this arranged for two weeks. My neck muscles are as hard as a rock and I’ve had a tension headache for three weeks. I need a massage more than anything. I’ve told her this. And no, it’s not her responsibility to take care of me, but she said she would do it and I pay her generously. This is just the straw that is breaking the camel’s back. It’s the ONE thing I was really looking forward to all week. It’s the ONLY thing that got me through a nine hour shift last night, just knowing I’d get some sweet relief today. And instead I get to mow the fucking grass and clean up after everyone in this house.

Oh, and I went to the gas station to fill my little can so that I can mow, and this dickbag motherfucker kept brushing up against me. What the fuck, asshole? Do I look like I want you to touch me? Am I really giving off a flirty vibe that says “Please put your hand on my ass?” I don’t fucking think so, you dirty slimeball, piece-of-shit. The sight of you makes me want to vomit, and the idea of you touching me makes me want to scrape my skin off to get your pervo germs off of me. Jesus-fucking-christ, I mean, seriously.

Life fucking sucks. :mad:

2

Motherfucking tiny edit window, I wasn’t finished! I wanted to add:

It’d be great if I had someone to talk to, but unfortunately my husband is in bed sick, as usual. It’s not his fault, and I’m not mad AT him, but I am so very angry about this situation. I’ve been married for two years and there hasn’t been one day that he’s been well. I don’t even know what normal married life is. Sex? Oh yeah right, I remember sex, that’s what we used to do three years ago. Partnership? Oh haha, that’s a funny idea. I might be able to laugh if I could get out from underneath this crushing weight that’s on my shoulders.

Just ignore me, I’m ranting. I’m sure I’ll be over it soon. I fucking hope I’ll be over it soon. :frowning:

3

You have my best wishes, for what little that’s worth. Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

4

I’m sorry to hear things are in the crapper. I have not had your problems, but have had some of my own and know a little bit of what it is like to go through them alone.

I have been lucky, I have a pretty good support team and my friends called regularly.

But it still sucks to be alone when you are hurting.

Sending supporting thoughts your way.

5

Wow, that sucks, ma’am–you have my sympathies…

If your husband is chronically ill, is there any sort of respite care you can apply for through his health insurance, or is it just that he’s kinda “poorly” all the time?

All I can advise from my own experience of being in similar circumstances is A) give yourself permission to flake sometimes–as in find a neighbor kid who’ll mow the lawn for ten bucks or something (or just say fuckit until next week–sure, it’ll still be there but maybe you’ll feel a bit better then) and B) do whatever you can to make yourself feel better. You pay your friend for massages, how about just looking up a local spa or masseuse and making an appointment instead? Or go to the movies by yourself, or to lunch and a beer with a good book? When you’re taking care of other people and don’t have a lot of backup it’s crucial to take care of your own needs otherwise you’re gonna go apeshit someday and then nobody’s gonna get taken care of.

I used to run off for the weekend and stay in a motel room without letting anyone know where I was. I had a husband who’d be gone on field work all week long, two kids, a full slate of college courses and a spoiled rotten, entitled sister who lived with me along with her totally bratty kid. Sometimes by Friday afternoon I’d be eyeing shotgun ads very favorably… So when the hubby came home, every so often it’d just be “seeya Sunday, love ya, can’t stand my life this weekend, byee!” and I’d drive to Los Angeles to buy books at Change of Hobbit or to the coast to watch the waves break or basically just anywhere–the main thing was that nobody knew how to find me or contact me and unless I decided to call home I didn’t have to talk to anybody. This little habit probably saved several lives… If you can figure out a way to do something similar I highly recommend it!

6

While I know you posted this just to vent, I can’t help myself from helping. Sue me, I’m the Doper Mom.

All massage students in your state need clinical hours to graduate. Most massage schools run a low-cost or sliding scale clinic to help their students get these hours. The massage isn’t always the best massage ever, but they don’t cancel on you.

Here are the four massage schools in Indianapolis, with their phone numbers. Call and ask about clinic appointments:

Indiana Therapeutic Massage School (link goes to their website information about their clinic: $30 for an hour, $10 off Monday-Friday during the day): 317-439-4448 to make an appointment

Kaplan College: 888-295-3936

Midwest Academy of Healing Arts 317-293-8076

Indiana Business College: 1-888-544-4IBC

If I was in Indy, I’d come help clean and mow, really I would! As it is, you’ll have to settle for little drips and drabs of long distance help. :slight_smile:

7

Does your husband have some kind of chronic illness? Or is he just being a fucking cry baby?? I mean how long does he have to be sick for you to need to mow the grass?

Okay, universal gender roles and all that… bla bla bla. But I am assuming that is something he normally does, or should do in your opinion. How fucking sick can he be? I mean he at least should be better 1 day a week, right? He needs to get off his cry baby ass and do some fucking work. Don’t take that shit.

Now if he has leukoplakia or level 9 AIDS or something, then I apologize. Otherwise, he’s being a fucking douchebag.

8

:: sends virtual wine, chocolate, bubble bath, and a padlock for the door ::

9

Hell, my wife is usually healthy and I don’t ever get sex. At least you have an excuse!

10

You are going to have to carve out some time for yourself. Put that at the top of your list. Do you have any family at all in Indianapolis? What about your husband’s family? Where are they at a time like this?

And sweetie, you can let that grass grow. You don’t have to be perfect.

11

Yeah, really–fuck that grass, man! That husband I had, the one I used to bail out on? Sometimes he’d come home after being gone the whole week, we’d wake up on a gorgeous Saturday morning and I’d suggest we stay in bed for a while–but he’d decline, because the motherfucking lawn needed mowing! WTF!? I’m offering grubby morning sex and getting turned down in favor of yard work? Bullshit.

Fuck mowing the lawn, dammit! If you really must, throw that gas out there and burn that shit down–and next time that nasty gas station bastard touches you, tase the fucker!

Hey, think mebbe I oughta switch to decaf? :smiley:

12

It’s probably too late but I would suggest using the money you had planned to spend on the massage and pay someone to mow the lawn. For that matter, if you can afford it, pay someone to clean the house and give yourself a break; it sounds like you need it.

13

Take a break- if you possibly can. At times it seems so intolerable a burden when you feel that no one else can do anything without your assistance or input. And it will drain the hell out of you. And as for that guy rubbing himself against you- I would have felt like decking him.

14

Seriously, pay someone to mow the lawn. Pay someone to clean the house. It’s waaaaaay cheaper than therapy (unless someone has a health plan). You do sound really mad at your husband though, and pretty sexually frustrated. Not sure how to help there… :frowning:

15

I completely understand what you mean. Why do you have to be the only adult in the house?

My husband traveled 2/3 - 3/4 of the year for about 15 years. I know all about doing everything, and when he was home he couldn’t do anything because he didn’t know the routine. If I did ask him to do something he would fuck it up. And every little cold or headache he would make a big deal about but heaven forbid he could even take a few weeks off from travel when the kids were born.

Bad flashbacks. I better get out of this thread, before I lose all progress I’ve made not hating him.

16

That sucks… wellness vibes goin’ your way.

17

Wellness and peace vibes coming your way.

18

Indy you have my sympathy. I’ve been in the same boat for years. The light is at the end of the tunnel, you’ve just got to turn the switch on yourself.

Best wishes.

19

You must either be my girlfriend or my doppleganger…

Blll

20

Yikes!

I think you should leave the lawn (the grass will still be there tomorrow), call up one of your girlfriends and go for coffee, or a walk, or just somewhere to chill out. Surly hubby can watch your child for a couple of hours while you relax and vent, no?