Indy, you in there? Can you get me a beer?
Only kidding. My heart goes out to you. As others have said, you have to be as good at providing for your own needs as those of the people around you. And that means realizing that you have needs. Have some heart-to-hearts with your husband and the kids. Then, go about scheduling time just doing things you want to do: massages, movies, whatever. You really need to do these things.
If he’s surly then I’d leave without telling him ! 
What is wrong with your husband? It sounds to me like you are mad at him and rightly so–just because someone is ill, that doesn’t mean you don’t resent their lack of contribution and sex etc. It’s ok to be mad at him, even if he is ill. What could make him so ill he can’t do ANYthing around the house, yet is still at home? If he can’t mow the grass, surely he can do something else? Is he a paraplegic? Quadraplegic? Even wheelchair bound folk can (and do) do lots around the house.
I used to be you (without the sick husband) and then one day I said fuck it. I now make time for me and the housework can go hang. It may be messier around here, but I’m sane(er) than I was before. Do something for YOU everyday, even if it’s something really small, like a bubble bath or watching a TV show. Make a plan for a treat, too. Something you can look forward to. Go to the movies alone (it’s very freeing). Buy that CD or DVD you’ve wanted forever. Small treats scattered across the monotony of the daily round can really help.
Make lists–it helps me feel like I’ve got some control over the shit in life. I also don’t have to keep it all in my head when I’ve got a list. Crossing things off is a real source of satisfaction for me. The key is to make short lists every day, so that you feel a sense of accomplishment.
Say NO to people. If you must, say “sorry, but no.” No is a wonderful word that doesn’t get enough play in some women’s lives.
Re the asshole in the gas station? Next time, turn around and say loudly: “do that again and I’ll scream the place down.” Men like him should be shot in the balls as far as I’m concerned. For me, that would have been the Last Straw. :mad:
Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I’m feeling much better today. Mowing that grass and pulling up a wheelbarrow full of weeds was actually kind of cathartic. And it looks so much better now. I had been saying “fuck it” about the lawn for about three weeks, so it was really really bad. You can only put that stuff off for so long before your property starts looking like someone abandoned it.
And luckily I got a good night’s sleep and was able to sleep as late as I wanted today. That always makes me feel better. The car is in the shop for the afternoon, so that’s getting taken care of. And I’m going to make some blueberry jam, which will be fun.
My husband suffers from a debilitating head pain condition. It’s not migraines or cluster headaches, but something to do with the nerves. He does amazingly well considering the amount of pain he is in on a daily basis. When the weekend finally hits, he really needs that time to rest. He normally does quite a lot around here, but when his head gets bad there’s no way he can mow the lawn or do much of anything. He’s not a whiner at all, nor is he lazy. In fact, he goes to work and does TOO much most of the time. When he stays in bed for two days, I know it is really bad, and unfortunately there’s nothing I can do to help him.
He’s been to doctors, specialists, a headache clinic for two weeks, and every combination of pain meds, nerve meds, antidepressants, anti-inflammatories, abortants, etc. that you can imagine. The regimen he’s on right now helps him as much as anything could, but he’s still in agony almost every day. He rates his pain on the 1-10 scale, and I know he is conservative in that rating. If he says it’s at a 7 or 8, I know it’s actually a 12 on any other person’s scale. He really downplays it as much as he can, but it’s still a fact of our daily lives.
I do pretty well with most of the stuff in my life, but every now and then it gets to me and I have to throw myself a pity party (this thread, lol). But I usually get over it fairly quickly and get back in gear. I like to get things done, and when they aren’t, that stresses me out more than actually doing them. So getting the yard and house taken care of helped me more than running away from the problem. Something about the organization of it all puts my mind at ease. The less cluttered my house is, the less cluttered my brain is, etc.
Again, thanks for all of the advice and kind words. You guys rock!
sound to me like u dont look after him enough and you really feel really guilty about it.
Zombie.
Fuck. Kill it, kill it with fire.
Also, I wonder how things have changed in three years.
Because yeah, I read the whole thing before I realized it was an old thread.
Actually it was kind of insightful. Bless all you people who are suffering, if I could, I would heal you with a word.
Happy ending. She’s now living with the gas station frotteur and had the lawn replaced with AstroTurf.
The masseuse opened a house cleaning business and there was nary a dirty dish left in the sink or a smelly sock on the floor. The end.
The end. Until she starred as herself in a rock video, where she was really fucking angry!
Closed.