Pduol, Dan Savage’s column this week includes a letter from a pedophile who has no intention of acting on it and was just looking for advice and help.
If you haven’t read Savage’s column, “Savage Love”, he’s a sex advice columnist. He’s got a lot of experience and he’s well regarded on the field.
Anyway, Savage turns the letter over to a Dr. James Cantor, a psychologist and editor of the magazine, “Sexual Abuse”. Cantor doesn’t have a lot of advice but he wishes there was more research in the field. Maybe you could contact him and ask him about studies you could participate in? It might be worth reading some of Cantor’s other stuff anyway.
Cantor does suggest that chemical castration might help, and makes the good point that castration is too drastic a term for it. It’s the same sort of testosterone suprressing medicines that are useful in other medical cases, where, for example, some forms of cancer are caused by testosterone. Using testosterone suppression drugs is just one way to help control a medical situation. I hadn’t thought of it like that, before, but it makes sense to me.
Anyway, good luck, and I hope you find a friend in need.
Is there any way the Board here can trace down Cesario and Pdouls IP addresses and maybe the Federal authorities can track them down?
Either way, I am sending this thread to the FBI, so both can start spending the most of the rest of their years getting gangfucked by black gangsta and white Aryan inmates.
You’re not the only one out there. It’s not my story to share, but suffice it to say that I have a good friend in a similar situation. He’s a good man, and I trusted him to look after my (much) younger sister without a second’s hesitation. He understands the gap between fantasy and reality, and he would never intentionally cause harm.
In comparison, yes. Self hatred may not be the best response to such desires, but it’s better than convincing yourself that it’s perfectly fine to molest children.
I think you grossly overestimate what that clause allows. I’ve been in it quite a lot, and there are things that I’ve said that could have been interpreted exactly as you are saying, but they were not. The therapist has to be able to justify to some pretty high minded folks that no mistake was made. And you’re in a lot better position to sue than I am, with an anxiety disorder.
That said, it’s really a matter of finding a truly ethical therapist/psychologist. You can always feel em out before telling em anything too disastrous. And they aren’t as rare as you seem to think. Especially if you find one that specializes in the problem you have. Why would they tell on you over all of their other patients?
I think you may have thrown out my post with the bathwater. SSRIs, (you know, like Prozac, Celexa, Paxil) are actually being tested to be good with pedophilia. They do cause a decrease in libido, but they also help calm any urges while still letting you have sex.
Yip. You have type 2 pedophilia. And it’s only considered a problem if it causes you distress or you act on it. I know because one of my OCD symptoms was fear that I was a pedophile, and I spent a lot of time trying to prove it wrong.
That totally sucks, and has not been my experience. Then again, I’ve never had to say something as bad as actually liking prepubescents. Maybe it is a bit stronger, though I suspect my good therapists would not have minded after hearing some of the repulsive thought I’ve had to overcome.
I think you’d do better with a specialist if you can find one. And a true psychologist who can separate their emotions from trying to get you better. It is true that most non-doctoral therapists do not have the skills necessary to deal with something of this magnitude.
Getting it out means you can get help. There’s always a way out–no one is incapable of any improvement.
Exactly. If you hate yourself, that can be a potent motivation to change. Part of that change will involve learning not to hate yourself. It’s much harder to be taught that pedophilia is not okay.
Everyone has desires and urges that they may not want to discuss around a dinner table. And as far as I know, nope, nothing you can do about them.
However, keeping your mind correct, realizing there is no fucking way and never acting on it is a hell of a good start towards normal. What I see the fundamental difference between our two admitted pedophiles is that one is wallowing in the thoughts, being overcome with them, so much that it limits any discussion he is in, the other, quite clearly doesn’t seem to be perving out on posting. It isn’t what Cesario thinks that is making people nutso, it is that it does not seem abstract and “just thoughts.” And FYI, I think that YOUR “Ask the pedophile” thread would have a significantly different tone.
No one can control your thoughts, but you should be able to control your actions. If such a day comes that you fear you may not, get help.
Yes, Exactly. it’s possible that pedophillia (and other "stuck on a fetish/particlar aspect) might be very screwed up OCD where the fixtation is sexual.
The problem is, as far as I know not only does it not work, it has the opposite of the intended effect. Try not to think of something, and you will only think about it more often. Someone who believes that even thinking of “X” is wrong is likely to be thinking about it obsessively as he tries to avoid doing so.
While I understand this is not an "Ask the … " thread, one part of the OP raised a question. So, Pduol, if you don’t mind: What triggered your wife to ask whether you had these desires? That seems to suggest that you haven’t completely been able to hide them.
Despite how strongly I find your desires disgusting, I do feel sorry for you and wish you the best of luck with controlling (or even overcoming) your urges. As long as you at least keep your current mindset and never act on the urges, I wouldn’t call you a monster.
There are certain activities you can do where you just can’t really think about anything else while you’re doing them. For example, rock climbing is a lot of fun, but while you’re doing it it’s hard to think about things other than rock climbing.
