Don’t really see where the OP has broken any rules yet. Why the animosity toward this person?
Has anyone here never had some kind of unacceptable thought or desire? I know I have (not sexual desires towards minors, in case anyone thinks I’m posting sympathetically from some agenda). We don’t always have control over the thoughts that pass through our minds.
Sure. The problem is, you can’t do that sort of thing all, or even most of the time.
He turned me into a newt!
Other than that, I don’t see rules violations. I imagine every mod/admin with the ability to check IPs for potential socks and whatnot did so. IIRC the EC rule wasn’t that he couldn’t participate in *BDSM *threads, but that he couldn’t bring it up in every thread he found a tenuous connection with. Banning Cecario outright would be better and more in line with the Board’s past than hanging a banning on his participation in this particular thread. But pduol? Where’s the violation?
I disagree - I think it *is *possible to suppress thinking of something - in fact, in my experience, it’s definitely possible- it’s not easy, and you have to work at it, but it can be done.
[joke]Why, I haven’t thought about murdering a capitalist for months now…Doh! Now look what you made me do![/joke]
But seriously, therapy and auto-hypnotism do seem to work, at least for me, although admittedly with something a lot less ingrained than sexuality.
Regardless whether or not it is possible to suppress thoughts, admitting that you experienced certain thoughts that you yourself find disgusting or frighteningly unacceptable, does not make you a monster.
It might make you a dangerous person, if you feel you do not have control over the outcomes of those thoughts, but that’s still not a monster.
I got better.
Pduol, if everything you’ve said is the truth—and I have no reason to believe it isn’t—I have a great deal of respect and compassion for you. Judging you not by the cards you were dealt but by how you have chosen to play them, I can see nothing that disqualifies you from being considered a good and noble person.
Wow, you can suppress your own thoughts? I would think that thinking about the thought you want to suppress would re-inforce that thought not make it less.
Don’t think about the color red!
Maybe its because my thoughts don’t bother me much but this has to be hard to do.
Well, yes, in the short term it can be awfully difficult not to think of the Staypuff Marshmallow man.
But how many of us have quit smoking? Aside from the physical parts, there is a huge mental component with all sorts of mental pitfalls that border on obsession. Everyone else is outside on smoke break. I wonder if that cute blonde is there? I really wish I had a smoke… Driving past your usual stop – or getting gas and where you’d smoke… Habits habits habits.
Is it a panacea? Of course not. But the original thought that it’s possible and okay to work on squelching thoughts of harmful behavior isn’t patently wrong.
I think the OP has done an honourable thing by admitting his problem and being a gentleman about it. He is cursed with an orientation he can do nothing about. I feel sorry for this predicament and I hope that with the scientific and psychiatric advances we have now, he can be rid of this.
You’re fantasizing about two guys (who have committed no crime) being brutally raped - “gangfucked,” as you put it - for the rest of their lives.
These people cannot help the way their minds have been programmed. They have been cursed with a horrible affliction and it is a struggle for them every day not to act on it. And your solution would be to punish them with physical and psychological brutality of the worst kind merely for the thoughts that go through their heads?
This does not reflect well on you, to say the least.
Good show mate, and in the same spirit of pointless internet whankery, I shall now send this thread to the EU Human Rights Commissioner to waste their time pointlessly on empty internet posturing. Bloody good use of both their time.
Oh, right, Interpol, yes, and MI5 and MI 6 - just in case. Why wasting proper officers time on pointless internet whankery is just absolutely a brilliant use of their time.
This is exactly what I was curious about.
Well, welcome then.
It should be, STUPID.
I’d at the very least like the FBI to start monitoring their activities.
Thank you for posting this, Pduol. It’s been a very interesting read.
Way back when we had a thread which included a discussion of whether pedophile equals child molestor and vice versa. I think it was related to Michael Jackson or something.
Anyway, I came away from it with a particular conceptualization of the issue. I imagine a Venn diagram. In one circle is “pedophiles.” In the other is “child molestors.” Naturally, the circles overlap. Some pedophiles molest children. Some don’t. Some people molest children because they’re pedophiles. Some do it as a crime of opportunity or a power thing or because they’re sociopaths and just want to fuck and they don’t care who it is or a thousand other possible reasons.
Now let’s look at the group that are pedophiles, but not child molestors. In my mind, there is a huge difference between somebody that is doing everything he can to avoid getting near that center section and somebody that is striving to push and redefine the boundary between the non-molestor section and the center section so he can get his rocks off.
I’m not sure that the OP qualifies as “doing everything he can” to avoid the center section, but it seems like he has taken the steps he feels are sufficient to keep him out of there and would be willing to take more drastic steps if necessary.
And for what it’s worth–I’d consider anyone who doesn’t molest children him or herself but uses kiddie porn to be straddling the line. Children have to be molested to make the stuff, and so the kiddie porn officianado is causing child molestation even if he doesn’t do it himself. And more WILL be generated if there is a market for it.
To the OP–I sympathize with your struggle. It must be very hard. I don’t think you’re a monster. Actions make you a monster, not thoughts.
A couple of comments on the points made above:
I hope you can find a therapist that can work with you. BigT makes some good points about how certain drugs might help you. They may not take away the urges, but could make it a little easier to deal with them. And every little bit helps.
I’ll speak of my own experience using Paxil. I’m not touting this drug specifically. IANAD and these kinds of drugs work differently for different people, but I’d like to provide an example of how such a drug might help you.
Paxil definitely supressed my libido, especially at higher doses. It did not take away the overall sexual frustration of being in a sexless marriage, unfortunately, but it did make the day-to-day much easier to deal with. When I started to taper off the drug, my libido came right back, and demonstrated how severely supressed it had really been. Also, a common side effect of Paxil is inorgasmia, which is a bad thing for most of us, but might be good for you. It would at least give you an excuse if you choose not to come when having sex with adult women. (Or you could use it as an excuse anyway.)
It sounds like the OCD angle is probably worth exploring. Even if pedophilia is not actually a form of OCD, the drugs might be able to help you in similar ways.
We’ve had several threads here about cognitive behavioral therapy, which seeks to help people replace unhealthy thought patterns with healthy ones. Now I really doubt CBT could help “fix” pedophilia, but perhaps there are some techniques there that could be useful to help redirect your thoughts when they start going to a bad place. Or maybe it could help you with the self-hatred aspect anyway. Self-hatred is not productive and could indeed cripple your efforts to control your urges.
That said, I think it’s horrible that you are hindered in finding doctors and therapists that can help you. I understand why you’re really afraid to admit this to anyone in real life. I would be too.
I wonder if a website could be created to help pedophiles find help. And how it could be done so that the FBI or whoever can’t use it to root out and expose law-abiding pedophiles. I do think you should write to the doctor quoted in the Dan Savage column for advice, and if you think this is a good idea, maybe you could suggest it.
Good luck and take care.
I don’t get it…what’s the significance of that?
Good luck with that. While you do that, I’ll send the DEA a list of 50 million people who support pot legalization (or fantasize about smoking pot) and I’m sure they’ll monitor all of them.
He says he’s most attracted to 11-year old girls. 11 on the list.