Damn whippersnappers.
All they do is gripe gripe gripe.
Be glad you are getting older.
Consider the alternative.
(Pardon a serious question.)
Why would I want to join AARP? Do I get anything? Discounts on soft foods?
I don’t need to learn how to geeze for another… eight years and change.
Fortunately.
Congratulations, swampbear! Hie thee to the early-bird special, and don’t spare the horses!
I’m curious about the stress you put on the word permanent in describing your AARP card. Does this mean that there is a period of provisional geezerhood, during which you can practice yelling at kids playing ball in the street but only under the supervision of a 70-year-old?
Geezer Patrol: Excuse me sir, your I.D. indicates that you’re only 50. Do you have a license to wear plaid shorts, black socks, and leather sandals?
swampbear: Um…I have my mother’s permission. And I watch Lawrence Welk reruns on PBS.
Geezer Patrol: Not good enough, I’m afraid. I’ll let you go with a warning, but I’ll have to take those Andy Williams albums. You can pick them up at the station when you get your permanent card.
Best regards and wishes for your second fifty years.
Apparently it was his roof that went first.
So now that you’re all old and stuff, do I have to be all respectful while you tell boring old stories of the Good Old Days, Mr. Swampington?
King of Soup you ever consider a career as a stand up comic? Your posts are some of the best! Just after I turned 50 (in July) I got the welcome to AARP letter. I swear they must have spies everywhere! How do they know just exactly when? In said letter was my temporary* AARP cards. They wanted me to send money for the real thing, so I did. Heck, gimme discounts. I’m not only a geezer, I’m a cheap geezer! Anyways, I got the *permanent, i.e. official card a couple days ago. As I said in the OP, apparently you get to qualify for more and more stuff the older you get. What, I don’t know, but dagnabbit if’n I’m supposed to have it then gimmee. BTW, you left off the guayabera (or however it’s spelled) shirt. It ain’t the official old man geezer outfit without the shirt. 
Paul in Saudi there are what appears to be some good discounts and stuff. Lots of restaurants, hotels, etc… give discounts to AARP members. I figure between that and all these hotel discount cards I keep accumulating, I oughta get to stay places real cheap. I’m all for gimmees anytime I can get em. There’s other stuff like the insurance (they’ve already started Ignatz. I got two this week!) which I’ve been told is decent supplementary medical insurance but I already got a good supplementary policy. Their website does a decent job of detailing membership benefits and stuff.
FCM, VunderBob, and Bumba, we need to ban together as the MMP Geezer Patrol.
chaoticdonkey watch it! Get too fresh and I’ll beat you with my cane, you young whippersnapper! 
kunilou, dude, that was funny!
Everybody else, glad y’all are enjoying my descent into geezerhood. At least I still got my hair, unlike my bald brothers. 
They say your coding skills are among the first to go. Oh and scout my official geezermobile, when I order it, will come standard with permanent flashing blinker.
You consarned whippersnapper! If I could remember where I put my teeth, I’d put em in and bite you!
Thanks, swampbear. Members like yourself convinced me to join. That, and the discount rate. Please forego the eterna-blinker option, though: I hate that. In fact I think there should be a device on every car such that, after the signal’s been on for a quarter-mile or so, the car just automatically turns in that direction. As for the shirt, good call for bean suppers and trips out of town. For less formal occasions, striped knit vest sans shirt is de rigeur.
“…you get to qualify for more and more stuff the older you get. What, I don’t know, but dagnabbit if’n I’m supposed to have it then gimmee.” Perfect. And remember, the AARP discount isn’t just a marketing gimmick: **it’s the law ** that from now on you don’t have to pay as much as anybody else for anything. And if anybody anywhere gets anything free, you get that too, plus 15%.
Belated happy birthday, then, and too many more to bother counting them. And to answer your question, I paid the rent that way for a very short time. There’s even a fair chance that you saw me if you frequented Atlanta comedy clubs 15-20 years ago. But I found that while the hour on stage was fun, the other 23 hours every day pretty much sucked pond water. So I found other things to do.
Yes, but what they don’t tell you is that, in order to qualify, you must bring your own rubber sheets.
My sister, who is [sub] two[/sub] years older than me, came over the other day with her reading glasses hanging around her neck. She was trying to bring me over to the Cult of the Corded.
We need a catchier name than Geezer Patrol. Brat Pack is catchy, but it’s taken by the under 30s…
Hmmm… Geezer Herd? Senior Stampede?
Apparently I have persuaded King of Soup to join AARP? I wonder if there’s prizes for getting new recruits, ya know, like what I get everytime I turn another one gay. Maybe I’ll get a free case of Preparation H or surgical stockings.
Are we talking knit sweater vest sans shirt? Classy!
If you recruit a gay senior citizen to AARP is there a box of Poligrip inside your new toaster oven?
Fogey Flock? Old and In The Way? George Burns Appreciation Society? Dopers Emeritas’ Prepared to Embrace Natty Demented Suits?
Crotchety Old Dopers!
The CODs ?!
Welcome to Geezerhood!
Yeah, yeah, there have been lots of cute comments about memory, polygrip, AARP, and…uh… memory, but don’t forget the benefits.
As an official geezer you no longer have to give a rat’s ass about what anyone else thnks. Plaid pants and an argyle sweater vest? Who cares? You’re entitled. You’re a geezer.
Of couse since you’re only 50 and new to this phase, I do recommend that you start slowly so as not to frighten the neighbors. And it does take practice. You’re the geezer equivalent of a teenager - no longer “young” but not yet a full-fledged geezer. By the time you reach 60 you’ll have it down pat. Good luck.
Well, Swampy, you are years ahead of me, years I tells ya! (okay, next year it won’t be plural, but until then, I get to be a Geezer Teezer).
Remember, Geezer is way better than Goner. And you can blame the hot pink capris on your age. In fact, you get to start blaming everything on your age.
Hmmmm… hot pink capris, a plaid sweater vest, black socks and sandals. Now, There’s a look that says “I might be a geezer but I’m still gayer than a debutante!”
vunderbob if the geezer is already gay, that means somebody got a toaster loooooooooong time ago. If I convert said gay geezer to AARP, then I get a case of Gold Bond Medicated Powder or Depends. I get my choice! Plus a coupon for an extra 15% off the early bird special at Denney’s.
HEY! What about me??? I’m six years older than swampy. I should be at least a charter member of the Silver Symposium. (How’s that for an appropriate name? Huh? Or maybe Platinum Patrol?
Anyhoo, I got that AARP letter when I turned myself but I refuse to join. Hell, I don’t want coupons for Depends. For that matter, Mr. Swampington, ain’t you supposed to give up your real house now and move down here and get a manufactured home in onna our assisted living developments? It’s the law ya know. I hear Punta Gorda has some that are a steal.
Tupug (Going to Hell one brick at a time)